EHW Match of the Month - December 2003
Holiday Wish Match
K-Bomb vs. DarkFunker vs. The Walk vs. Scott Dallows vs. Twista vs. The Shadow
Ladies and gentlemen, this match is the Thrashing main event, and is the Holiday Wish Match! Now, for the competitors. Making his way to the ring first, the newest member of the EHW in this contest, SCOTT DALLOWS!! Next, the only current member of the Wicked Minds active in the EHW, DARKFUNKER!! Next, the current EHW United States champion, THE WALK!! Their opponent, a member of the Impact Players, TWISTA!! Next, the man from the Darkness, THE SHADOW!! And finally, the current EHW European champion, K-BOMB!!
JR: And we�re underway! K-Bomb and Scott Dallows begin to square off in a collar and elbow tie-up as DarkFunker takes a less conventional approach and runs straight to the elf with the largest bag! The elf struggles to pull out a table, and DarkFunker�s eyes light up. He snags the table and slides back into the ring where all five men have given up conventional wrestling, and are throwing punches and kicks, and it looks like a tornado in the ring, folks! DarkFunker is crawling around all five men, avoiding the melee, and manages to set up the table off to the side. DarkFunker now, finally sets up his table, and look at this! K-Bomb and The Walk have been working over Scott Dallows with punches and kicks, and finally K-Bomb lifts Dallows up over his shoulder, runs, and powerbombs Dallows straight through the table! DarkFunker looks furious! He pulls K-Bomb off of Dallows, preventing the pin, and there goes The Walk off the top rope, a 450 splash onto Dallows, laying in scraps of the table! Already a pin! 1...2...3! Dallows is already gone, folks!
BH: Well, we�re already down to five men, and K-Bomb and DarkFunker are trading blows now! The Walk is down on the mat, tendering his ribs, as he caught a piece of the broken table on the way down with that intense 450 splash, and Twista and The Shadow are fighting it out as well. Twista drops Shadow with a huge dropkick and rolls out of the ring. Collecting his thoughts now, Twista walks up the ramp and seems to be having trouble deciding on which elf to go to. He walks over to and elf with an oblong bag and asks them to open it. The elf begins to pull out a fire extinguisher, but grabs only the nozzle. Struggling, the elf falls backwards, grabbing the trigger and spraying the fire extinguisher right in Twista�s face! The elves all scurry away as Twista spins around and drops to his knees. The Walk has made it to the outside apron, but begins to laugh uncontrollably upon seeing what has happened on the ramp, and I can�t blame him, that was hilarious! JR: The Shadow grabs Walk from inside of the ring and delivers a neckbreaker down onto the top rope, snapping Walk hard down onto the apron. The Shadow pulls Walk in for a cover, Santa drops down, 1...2... and a last second kick out from The Walk. But it doesn�t look as though The Shadow is done, as The Walk is hurting still from the 450 splash and the surprise neckbreaker. K-Bomb and DarkFunker are still slugging each other like this thing is a damn boxing match, and look out, because Twista just laid out that clumsy elf and is making his way to the ring with the fire extinguisher! K-Bomb kicks DarkFunker with a low blow and slides outside of the ring. He raises his arms as he passes Twista, but Twista just sprayed him in the face anyway! Twista runs into the ring and immediately goes back for the man he was last working on, The Shadow! Shadow is locked up with The Walk, but Walk spins Shadow around. Twista goes to spray Shadow with the extinguisher, but Shadow ducks, and Walk gets sprayed instead! Out of anger, Twista throws the fire extinguisher at Shadow, but Shadow again ducks, and Walk caught that fire extinguisher right in his ribs, my god! Walk begins to collapse to the mat but Shadow catches him, and delivers a spinebuster down onto the extinguisher! His ribs have to be broken! Shadow covers, 1...2...3! And with some smart maneuvering from The Shadow, The Walk is outta here!
BH: And then there were four! K-Bomb has finally recovered from Twista�s fire extinguisher spray and has approached an elf. He asks for what�s in the bag, and is handed... a chair! But he looks a bit disappointed. He throws the chair clear down to the ring, and grabs another sack. He seems to have problems getting this weapon out, and look, DarkFunker grabs the chair and slides back into the ring! K-Bomb finally has his weapon, and it�s a... 2x4 wrapped in barbwire! No wonder it was so hard to pull out of there! He runs back down the ramp and slides into the ring, seemingly much happier and ready to finish off DarkFunker, but look! DarkFunker spun around while K-Bomb was in mid swing, and slammed the chair into the 2x4! The 2x4 just cracked K-Bomb in the face and the barbwire has ripped him wide open! He drops the 2x4, and DarkFunker hits him in the stomach with the top of the chair! DarkFunker quickly sets up that chair, hooks K-Bomb, and delivers a huge jumping DDT onto the seat of the chair, causing it to collapse! DarkFunker covers K-Bomb and yells for Santa, directing him away from Twista and The Shadow, who are trading... traditional wrestling holds? JR: Yes, as uncommon as it�s been the whole match, especially with that fire extinguisher right near them, those two have been all headlocks and armbars as of late. But back to the other half of the remaining four men, and the count! 1...2...3! And there goes K-Bomb, due to DarkFunker�s perfect timing, and quickness.
JR: Well, we�re down to three men now, and DarkFunker is asking Santa to raise his hand. Santa obliges, but look! K-Bomb slides back into the ring, grabs the barbwire 2x4 and swings it like a baseball bat into the side of DarkFunker�s head! Santa falls backwards in horror, and K-Bomb is pulled out of the ring by the two ringside refs. DarkFunker didn�t even see it coming! The Shadow has Twista in a standing side headlock and quickly drops him down onto the bent up chair with a running bulldog! Twista rolls to the outside apron, and K-Bomb is yelling at The Shadow, and telling him to cover DarkFunker, who appears to be unconscious, which is understandable after that heinous attack from K-Bomb. BH: I found it kinda funny actually. Plus, he eliminated K-Bomb, he had it coming, J.R.! JR: No one deserves that, Brain. And now The Shadow takes his time to collect his thoughts before even looking at DarkFunker, and look, Twista just dropped to the floor and headed up the ramp to the last available elf! And another thing, Brain, that was technically a post-match attack on K-Bomb�s part, and now a man�s career is in jeopardy. BH: And his position in this match is in jeopardy now as well, as The Shadow rolls him over and covers! My God, look at all the blood he�s lost! 1...2...3! And no surprise to any of us here, DarkFunker is eliminated.
JR: Well, that�s a sad way to see him go, but the match must continue! Twista has been given his weapon, and what in the hell is that? He smiled, and just ran and slid into the ring. He holds it behind his back as The Shadow turns around, and The Shadow begins to slowly circle Twista. Twista turns to face Shadow and exposes his weapon. What the-- is that a... fruitcake?! The Shadow has just started laughing as has my co-broadcaster Bobby Heenan, and The Shadow�s now egging on Twista to... hit him over the head with the fruitcake? BH: Do it, Twista! It�ll be even funnier! The Shadow�s bending over, laughingly, and asking for it, and Twista leans back, and clubs him over the head with it! The Shadow falls hard onto his face on the mat, and would you look at that? That�s a damn hard fruitcake to not break when you hit someone that hard with it! I mean-- wait, Twista�s ripping something off of the fruitcake?! Oh my God, that was a brick! It was wrapped to look like fruitcake! What kind of idiot elf buys wrapping paper for a weapon?! And a brick at that! And even more so, fruitcake wrapping paper?! How ridiculous! JR: Calm down, Bobby! We�ve got a match to call... or at least we did, look! Twista lifts The Shadow to his feet and hooks him, he spins, and connects with his finisher, Twisted! He covers! 1...2...3! Twista has won! With a quick run up the ramp, a goofy display on Shadow�s behalf, and a crazy wrapping job, Twista has just won the Holiday Wish Match! Wait a minute, he has grabbed a mic from Mean Gene - are we going to find out his wish right now, Brain?
Twista: I did it! Just like I said I was going to! Now, you are probably all dying to know what my wish is, and you're going to find out . . .half of it! See, the stipulation, we're going to wait until Saturday to divulge that information. But, the match that I am announcing, for Oblivion, is me versus The Shadow . . . versus The Walk, for the EHW United States championship! Boys, you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why . . . Twista is coming to take United States gold!
JR: A triple threat United States championship match for Oblivion!! Folks, what a match that is going to be! For Bobby Heenan, I'm Jim Ross, saying good night from Louisville!
