Author:Eggy Weg
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Need to Know, Legacy, Gypsy�s eyes, To Russia with love. (Mini spoiler for A Tangled Webb in the Authors notes, but not the fic)
Summary: Neville Webb�s home coming
Archive: Yeah
Feedback: Always welcome
Disclaimer: They aren�t mine.
Authors Note: I liked the scene on one of the new Webb episodes, I think it�s a Tangled Webb, were Harriet runs away and cries after speaking to the Admiral. So this is kind of my Webb version of that.
A/N 2: Came to me after watch the Need to Know scene in front of the memorial wall.
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Understanding Webb
�If I could hold my heart right in my hand, I would show everybody what my heart has had to stand�
Robert McCoy
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Waking with a start at five in the morning he lay there staring at the ceiling for the best part of an hour. He couldn�t believe it today was the day, his Dad was coming home. Unable to decide whether to laugh or cry he realised a distraction was needed. A distraction, all week he�d been jumping from one distraction to another and he was rapidly running out of ideas. Slowly he came to realise that this was one thing he couldn�t numb himself from. He was actually considering talking to someone about it. Lost in thought he must have tried on every suit in his wardrobe, finally deciding on the first one he had picked out. Isn�t that always the way.
After getting dressed he made up his mind he would go to JAG and make up some stupid excuse. Maybe he could convince Mac to go to dinner with him, since his exclusion to Suriname their friendship had grown. It seems she appreciated what he had done for them all these years. Maybe he would even talk to her about it. Hell he needed to tell someone it was eating at him, grinding on and on for weeks on end. He wasn�t sure if he could take anymore. He had talked to his mother about it they laughed and cried the whole day though. But he needed an outsider�s opinion, someone to tell him it was OK normal even to still feel this way after so many years.
Grabbing his keys while quickly finishing the rest of his coffee he was out of the door before he could talk himself out of it. He was tired of being alone; perhaps it was time he opened up a little. Entering the gate he realised what a stupid idea this really was and silently kicked him self. It wasn't until he heard Mac's shouting that he realised he had kept on walking.
�Looking smart Clay, going somewhere special?� Mac smiled giving him a little hug, she knew he was back but hadn't been able to visit him yet. She hadn't really seen anyone having been sent on assignment with no one but Harm to keep her company. She liked him and all but he sure could whine with the best off them.
Giving her a sad little smile he hesitated looking at all the people milling around. �You could say something like that�
�Whatever it is Webb the answer is no� Harm joked walking up to him and shaking his hand unsure of how he would take it, he hadn�t seen him since he came back from Suriname. They had talked on the phone but things were always different face to face "Glad to see you back�
The mask fell back into place this was a bad idea, he should never have came. �Rabb after what I did for you the answer is yes and will be for many years to come.� He had leaked the tape for his own reasons but he wasn�t going to let Harm know he had a heart.
"So are you going on a big date then Webb?� he changed the subject gesturing toward Webb�s fancy suit
�No� He shook his glad he was looking down so they wouldn�t see the tears threatening to form in his eyes. �Excuse me� He said pushing past Harm walking into Bud and then going into the men�s room.
Inside he rushed into a stall quickly closing the door. Resting against it he tried to regain control. This was not happening not in JAG headquarters. God this was so stupid, why couldn�t he just tell them. They knew him better than anyone they would understand, Harm especially. Managing to stop the tears from spilling he was now trying to regain his composure. Before he could do that there was a gentle tapping at the cubical door.
�Clay are you in there?� Great Harm�s in an investigative mood. And he knew he would be helpless against him in today.
�Yeah, I�ll be out in a minute� He said cringing at the non to subtle crack in his voice.
�Are you OK�
�You trying to bond with me again?� He laughed trying to joke it off
�Yes� Shit it didn�t work.
�Why Harm I didn�t know you cared� He came out and they walked to Harms office.
�Well you�re not very smart then� He couldn�t help but laugh. Entering the office Harm closed the door as Webb slumped into the chair.
�So are you going to tell me what�s wrong?�
�What make�s you think something�s wrong?�
�You run off to have a mini breakdown in the toilets and�� He held up his hand effectively stopping the sentence. He sat and thought, all the possibilities quickly passing through his mind. And Harm to his credit never interrupted or demanded a response. Sighing loudly he collected his thoughts. Harm would understand he might even be able to help.
�They�re putting my fathers name in the book today� He said with no emotion. He was unable to admit to himself how much it hurt let alone to anyone else. Harm stared at him confused.
"What book?" Then it dawned on him �The memorial book? At the CIA? He was one of the stars?�
He nodded and let the information sink in.
�Shit, Clay I�m sorry I didn�t know� He apologised remembering what he said to him in front of the wall. �No wonder you leaked the tape, why didn�t you say something?�
�You didn�t really give me much of a chance� He saw the look in Harm�s eyes and retracted the statement.
�I, I didn�t know what to say� He stuttered. �I�ve never really told anyone� People at the company knew but no one he considered a friend.
�You never told anyone?� Harm said shocked �Are you crazy. Clay, I almost went mad and I had everyone�s support�Even yours. That�s why you helped me isn�t it?�
He nodded and looked down �Its part of the reason. I guess I had a better idea than anyone about how you were feeling. But I would have helped you anyway� He rubbed his nose and joked �I did have a mission to complete.�
�But that had nothing to do with it did it� He wasn�t taking the bait.
�Harm, can you stop with all the questions? I don�t bond well.�
�If you bonded well I wouldn�t have to ask you all the questions� The reminder made him cringe �I�m sorry Clay but you shouldn�t be dealing with this alone...When do you have to be there?� He asked standing up and looking at his watch. He had an idea.
�Thirteen hundred hours� He joked to take the sting out of it.
�Come on� He grabbed his coat and motioned for Clay to follow him.
�Where are we going?�
�I�m taking the afternoon off. We�re going to the memorial wall to visit my dad. The one you helped me find, I�ll tell you about him. We�ll get some lunch� Maybe you will tell me about yours. �Then we�ll go on to Langley and welcome your Dad home.� He stopped walking and looked him in the eye. �It will get easier you know� Then he carried on walking.
Clay smiled and followed him out the door. Well it was better than being alone. He had already told him the hard part. Maybe this bonding lark wasn�t as bad as it seems.
~THE END~