Les Petits Histoires d'Amour
-presente-
"Oscillation In Olympus"
A Two Sided Tale
As told by Aphrodite:
One day, Aphrodite was lounging
on her pink n' flowery chaise lounge, sipping nectar from a primrose. Ares
entered, sending a wave of passion and desire through the room. "Come mate
with me, Aphrodite.", said Ares in a gravelly voice. "Hehe! Ok!", giggled
the goddess.
As you can see,
Aphrodite, the goddess of love, had a very exciting love life. This wasn't
the case with all the gods. Athena, the boring goddess of wisdom, had no
romance at all. She was the manly daughter of Zeus. She didn't even result
from an act of love, she sprang from Zeus' head! Aphrodite decided some
intervention was needed.
She decided to hook
Athena up with Hermes, yes, the blue guy with the winged shoes. Needless
to say, their date didn't go too well when Athena started talking about
Cramer's Rule. Hermes simply flew away.
"Athena, I need to get
you a real man.", sympathized Aphrodite. "I'm manly enough by myself",
sighed the bewildered Athena. Aphrodite couldn't stand seeing someone not
in love so she called upon her son Aeros for assistance. She instructed
him to use his revolver of hot lovin' to make Athena fall in love with
someone, ANYONE. "And make sure they have great features", she added.
Aeros galavanted off
to find Athena. He found her in the Olympus Municipal Library, reading
a book on Periclean Democracy. He also spotted the burly Ares across the
room...looking up..well we won't say what he was looking up on the public
computer. Aeros retrieved his revolver of hot lovin' from his utility belt,
and shot them both in the elbow.
Ares immediately looked up
and caught sight of the studious Athena across the room. He robustly walked
across to her, flexing his muscles and running his hands though his masculine
hair. "What masculine hair!", gasped Athena. "Um, what sexy glasses..",
remarked Ares. The two immortals embraced eachother, with feverish passion
of course. Suddenly, Aphrodite appeared!
"What is going on here?!!",
bellowed Aphrodite in a far more manly voice than expected. "I think I
finally found my love!", exclaimed the joyous Athena. "Ares, stop nibbling
on her ear and look at my face!", yelled Aphrodite. "Yess?", inquired Ares.
"You are my lover, don't you know that?!"
Ares obviously didn't
know that. Aphrodite gave up and ended up getting together with Hermes.
They produced what is now known as an "hermaphrodite". As for Ares and
Athena, they produces an "Aretha". Nobody lived happily ever after.
What Really Happened on Olympus That Day
According to Athena:
As we all know, Athena was
the Great Goddess of Wisdom. She was also a warrior, bearing Zeus' Aegis
shield and lightning bolts. She was Zeus' favorite daughter. If one of
your daughters sprang from your head, wouldn't she be YOUR favorite?
Anyways, though Athena
was wise and strong, she was not the most amorous goddess on the mountain.
All of the gods wanted to get it on with Aphrodite. She, one of the three
virgin goddesses, claimed not to care, but she secretly longed to be with
one god....
Hermes.
Hermes? you say, wondering
why. But if I knew that I WOULD be Aphrodite.
Anyways, Aphrodite was
up with that, so they got together for a date. Athena was so nervous, but
she tried to win Hermes with her charming intelligence. Little did she
know that Hermes was as dense as a rock. He became so lost that he flew
away to avoid embarassment. Athena did not realize this, and could not
figure out why he had gone. Thinking she had incorrectly related Cramer's
rule, she headed to the library to research it.
While doing a practice
problem, Athena felt a sharp pain in her elbow. Looking up to see what
it was, she noticed Ares in the corner looking up pictures of nude mortals
on the computer. She had never noticed how...robust he was.
Ares rushed over to
her and they embraced passionately. But, just then, Aphrodite comes in,
startled that Athena could stab her in the back like that. C'est la vie,
Aphrodite.