| Clint Nicholson |
| English 111 |
| Movie review |
| June 2, 2005 |
| ADAM SANDLER'S SATIRE COMEDY OF THE 1974 MOVIE "THE LONGEST YARD" SEEMS PREDICTABLE. SO THEY THROW IN SOME SPICE TO MAKE IT A HIT! |
| Imagine a P. Diddy house party in Miami and you see the opening scene of this picture. High society super models wearing "one off" cocktail gowns along with famous fashion designers and stylists mingling in the moonlight in what seems like a mega million dollar beach estate complete with multi talented bikini models splashing for your entertainment. Already this movie is saying "Good Time Here." |
| ����������� Then we introduce Paul Crewe, a depressed, disavowed, professional quarterback banned from the league for shaving points. Drunken and lost in his pastime, Crewe is leeching off of his snobby Paris Hilton want-to-be girlfriend played by a busty Courtney Cox."Can you say Bieeeaaatch?" Sort of like the 1974 version of the movie Crewe and floozy get into a power struggle during an "important" social gathering causing the barely conscious Crewe to take a joy ride in her $200,000 Bentley Continental GT complete with 600 Horsepower, mink carpet and personal, platinum, heated, ass-scratcher. I would highly recommend driving one if you get a chance. It also has good beer holders because Crewe gets into a ten-car pile up with the police and doesn?t spill a drop of his Milwaukee's Best! |
| ����������� Well, the whole event is televised on World's Worst Police Chases and the NEWS, sparking the interest of the Texas State Penitentiary's warden. He just happens to love football and has a multi-million dollar funded elite pro- football team as his prison guards in the middle of Desertville, Texas. |
| ����������� The plot thickens just a little when Crewe is blackmailed into helping out the warden's team by recruiting a group of inmates to play against the guards to help sharpen the team's skills. This all goes well, seeming the inmates hate the guards and think they can inflict some major pain on these would-be intimidators. Did I forget to mention the inmates are all cameo roles filled by real pro football players and wrestlers? The likes of Stone Cold Steve Austin, Goldberg, and Kevin Nash are some of them. Nelly got into the movie to. Why, I don't know, I guess they needed someone to do the soundtrack. |
| ����������� Just to spice it up, there is some hesitation with some of the inmates participating in the "Royal Rumble" due to the fact that Crewe is disliked for the cheating he was accused of in his professional days. Imagine that: a group of hard-timers not wanting to associate with a cheat. Some racial tension is brought into play between the inmates themselves and with the guards. It would seem inevitable since the rejected players are mostly white and all the hesitant good players are mostly black and all the guards are mostly redneck. You know a movie has to have some racism jokes in it if Chris Rock has anything to say about it. |
| ����������� Rock has a relatively small role as the "Caretaker" the concierge of the triple max prison who's main purpose is to get the team their custom "mean machine" jerseys and get Nelly his bright red running cleats. He has another purpose in the movie and that is to die and give the Warden something to blackmail Crewe with. Sandler is the funnyman in this movie since he is the executive producer. So if you want to see Chris Rock's HBO special, this isn't your movie. "I HAAAATE THIS _ _ _ _!" |
| ����������� Who could believe that a group of inmates and one washed-up quarterback could win a football game against elite well-funded pro football prison guards aired on ESPN without the aid of a miracle? Introducing, Burt Reynolds, the lead from the 1974 original movie acts as long time Heisman trophy inmate who missed out on his Super Bowl team coaching days because of being stuck in the desert baby sitting the "Little Rascals." He does get into the game and, I think, the hospital afterwards. Hint: I don't think he does his own stunt work but it looks like Sandler did. "Waterboy"could deliver some gruesome hits and it appears he can take some to. Will he be the next Jackie Chan? |
| ����������� So, things look great for the inmate team. They are on their way to guaranteed upset victory. This is the predictable part. But the Warden is a shady character who loves power, and winning is power. Trying to spoil the inmate's glory is his main career change along with conspiracy to murder. Sandler?s behind-the-scenes rival in the movie is constantly scheming new and improved ways to become governor of Texas. Murdering an unsuspecting inmate and failing to bribe Sandler to throw the game are good traits for up and coming politicians these days! Almost needless to say the Warden doesn?t make governor. |
| ����������� So it's a happy ending for this one, along with a happy movie viewer. Is there sequel potential? Adam hasn't made any yet. He has made some funny movies though. All of his movies are funny to me, and THE LONGEST YARD is no exception. |
| Clint Nicholson |
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