And we couldn’t be happier. EFACS (the Effort For A Clean Slate) has been waiting long enough for a proper threat to society in general, and we are pleased that George W. Bush has something like our goal in mind. An absurdly disproportionate and unnecessary war is clearly the swiftest and most effective way to drench America in a glorious bath of political ire. Also, it is notable that the threat of using nuclear weapons against a nation accused of unverifiable “weapons of mass destruction” was a brilliant display of tactical irony on the part of our Commander-in-Chief.

     We can only hope (and we do so with confidence) that the overall aggression can be maintained after such a stretch of disappointment: the “Cold War” did not yield the nuclear payload it seemed to promise, collapsing in an anti-climactic (though thankfully superficial) disarmament. But, now, with this howl of misguided vengeance against Iraq, we can rest assured that the aftermath of terrorist strikes against our certainly antipathetic public will fuel another three wars. Ladies and gentlemen, please, we implore you: let the cycle of violence continue.

     We know that children are our future, and by viewing the past we can see definitely that the mistakes of tomorrow WILL be repeated, again, and again, ad nauseam. Let’s cut to the chase then, and make that nausea the result of something positive. We at EFACS support FULL-SCALE PASSIVE-AGGRESSION, and that means making complete use of our time and resources. Be it by nuclear holocaust or biological catastrophe, we hope to end civilization by the year 2010.

     But even with this immanent breakthrough in our cause, the goal of EFACS is not yet ensured. Here we agree with the liberal parties: why aren’t we attacking North Korea? We hope with your own efforts, perhaps everyone destined to die, can die by tomorrow.

E.F.A.C.S. is a non-profit organization
Email: [email protected]