[I received this e-mail after the last Journal went out.]
Ed:
Just a few thoughts on your most recent blog that I just received in my email.
I had a great friend who was a vet that committed suicide in the VA hospital in Asheville. She was diagnosed with schizophrenia and was coming out of a psychotic depression. Unfortunately a staff member gave her belt back to her and she went to the bathroom and hung herself.
Talk about guilt! I knew that she would eventually succeed....and I knew (looking back) that she was slowly but surely telling everyone goodbye in her own way. She and I lived together....she gave me my one and only dog---Rascal. She said that he was to give me company and comfort while she was hospitalized.
She was a wonderful person.....when she was on her medication. As you and I both know (I know about this one) if one doesn't take their psych medicines....then they suffer needlessly incredible symptoms of their disease.
I really do miss her! About 3 weeks ago, I found myself at her gravesite---don't normally visit but the anniversary of her death was coming up....and then 2 weeks later I attempted suicide by overdosing on my Klonopin. However, there were other factors that were there also!
Do I regret what I did? Every moment, every day of the life that I have been given to live I will regret it. Did I learn something from it, definitely....and still learning from it! Will I do it again....well, not right now. I can't promise anyone that it will never happen again cause one never knows what kind of extreme stress one can be under (and I was there!).
Thanks for writing your blog and being kind enough to send it to me. Congratulations on your being invited to speak at a convention.
Susan (This is not her real name, but the one chosen by her when I asked permission to publish her letter here.)
Some of you who read this Journal know me, but most of you don’t. I use my own experiences to try and explain what life is like living with a mental illness or living with the results of having been sexually abused as a child. I don’t know any other way to open a window into our world. I can’t really tell you what it is like for someone else. I can only share with you what it is like for me and for those who I have known.
Usually spring brings not only new life to the earth around me, but also new life to my spirit. However, this year has been very different. I am guessing it is because my physical health is not up to par and I am not as active outdoors as usual. I have never really had to deal with my body letting me down. My brain has never worked as it should consistently and I have come to terms with that. I have even learned how to live with a dissociative disorder caused by early childhood sexual abuse. This broken body thing is different from a broken brain.
When I don’t feel like getting out of bed is it my depression from my bipolar disorder or my broken body? What doctor can I go to who can tell me? Are there specialists who can do a diagnosis and tell me whether my symptoms are coming from my bio or my psycho or my social or my spiritual?
I think I may be in trouble this year. This year may be a struggle. North Carolina did not even stock their normal number of trout for those of us who like to trout fish because of the drought. At least I have my family, friends and church family.
{Being on this resource list does not imply their endorsement of this BLOG.}
www.mentalhealthministries.net
www.pathways2promise.org
www.mentalhealthchaplain.org
www.annafoundation.org
www.ncmentalhope.org
www.faithnet.nami.org
www.ffcmh.org
