9-9-02 - College. Whooppee. Friends. Great. Too much happening, and my bandwidth got exceeded so I'm afraid of downloading more anime that I don't watch. And homework. Great. Haven't done much of that either. A lot going on in my mind... I think I'm making half of it up.

I've found that I'm not very sociable. I don't really like most of the girls and their stereotypes. They all end up being the type of person I despise. And then so I go to the guys who live on different floors or stay at home to live. So far away Don =( I don't see much of him either... Life is just interesting. The bumps are so annoying. Gosh, me sentimental? No way. Not a chance...

I gotta figure out why I'm so annoyed at everything now. I guess I'm tired of the routine. And yet the life I'm choosing is in a routine. What makes it so much more different than the other routine that I got tired of. The mysteries of life *sigh* will never be solved.

5-26-02 - I'm sleepy. Graduation was uhh yes, there. It wasn't bad. Project Graduation was tiring... just doesn't feel like I graduated. But it is sad knowing I won't see a lot of people anymore. Guess it's time to work on my social life.

Summer... going to Taiwan for a month. So looong. It better be worth it. I get to get all the manga I've been wanting while having an excuse of "studying" Chinese. Heh. Need to clean room. Need to finish/start/play many games. Need to buy stuff. Need to get new website. Need to get in shape. Crap. Too much to do.

My site is pretty boring, huh. Nothing much but babbling and random pictures. Not much fancy design or advanced coding. No great colors either... *sigh* so much to do... so little time it seems... and yet I spend half of my life sitting there staring at nothingness or wrapped around my blankets in bed. Games are so addicting. Graduation is such a weird feeling. I want a life. Someone take me to the mall or something. Or let's go play mafia. That's always interesting. Or find something else for our huge group to go do. We do so little in life. I feel bummed for some reason. I'm kinda sleepy. Maybe I should go nap.

12-26-01 - Wow. Exactly one month apart. I'm amazing. Hah.

Christmas! Yaay, whad I get? A lava lamp. That I picked out. It's not even in my room. *Sigh* ah well... don't care much for gifts anymore. Especially when you have a crazy guy spoiling you to death, something he should STOP.

Birthday was fun. Lotta people showed up, for once. And everyone actually tried to play! Though the whole game was a stalemate...... we're all so terribly out of shape. And me trying to get everyone to start playing sports... hah, what am I thinking. I'm hanging out with all the smart slackers of the school. No way that's gonna happen. The best I'll get 'em to do is play Dance Dance Revolution. Yeaa. Great exercise. Just trick 'em into it. Yup.

Getting crazy allergies and coughs and stuffy noses... argh. Not sure where it's all coming from. Am I just babbling here? Yea... I'm bored, and I don't want to do anything... just wanna do something meaningful, but anything I try starting I never finish... lack of motivation. Ugh. I'm sick of hearing "you need to push yourself"... be quiet you moral side of self.

I need to see the world some more...

My site needs a lot of work... I used to do so much with it and now I've barely touched it. I think this journal is the only interesting thing on the site now. Weeheehee...

11-26-01 - This world just seems to be going crazier and crazier with each passing second. Not just the maturing growing older learning about the unfairness of life junk. The whole 9/11 incident, anthrax scare, flooding in central Texas, vandalism and murder in the neighborhood... Maybe I'm just finally noticing it all. But certainly the 9/11 incident isn't normal, and the anthrax scare is definitely not normal. But lately, I've just been feeling lost, and I don't know what to do... life just sucks period. Sure you can get over it, but what's the point in pretending? It's not like you can be annoyed at someone, get over it, and everything is ok. Somehow you'll always remember what you were annoyed at, and it will never go away. And the worst part is, they won't necessarily know that you were annoyed at them for what they were doing, and they'll keep doing it. That annoys you some more, and soon enough you can't stand them. I don't know what's worse, holding in your thoughts or exploding with them all at once. I'll probably explode one day... it won't be pretty.

And school certainly sucks. I seriously need a longer holiday to find some hobby that I do. I don't DO anything anymore... I feel like a drone just doing what the school tells me to do. Doesn't feel like much of a life, and yet it's what I do. I mean, college... I never cared, still don't care, I'm not even sure what I'm doing. I seriously need a life... Don'll help me through though, right? =D

I'm such a babbler. Babble babble babble. That's all I do if I get the opportunity. Babble.

10-8-01 - Found out today someone I knew of might die... in a coma and has a slim chance of survival... depressing news. And more so since we were talking about that person the night of the incident. Even more so since I know their parents and their parents are good friends with my parents... nice people... It's really sad. An intriguing person too.

I hate having lessons learned from incidents like this. It's not as if I didn't already know not to go to parties where they're serving drinks, especially since I'm underage anyhow. I guess the biggest blow is to the people responsible for the consequences. They must feel really guilty really badly. If it were me, I don't think I could even live with myself. I'd be torn just by running over a bird with my car...

Something's just wrong with this year. First the whole huge incident with the World Trade Center. And then you get bombings in Afghanistan. Kinda stupid to attack places you already know don't like you that much. So much craziness in this world, and I'm supposed to be picking my future by applying to colleges. Ooh yea, that'll be soo easy..

That's why I like my friend's buddy info on AIM. It is as follows:

we have discovered what's wrong with our class. turns out that the two most prominant predictions for the end of the world are for 2002 and 2006.

now, we graduate from high school in 2002. which means we graduate from college in 2006 (for the most part). we coincide precisely with the destruction of the world...

how typical... how obvious.

all the strange coincidences that our class has run up against... hah. the world is out to get us!

-Shan

10-6-01 - Today is a palindrome day. So was every day this week. Ooh. Aah.

I'm bored. Really bored. Region sucked. Too many people. Didn't audition until 2pm. Geez. It sucks. Messed up a little bit. All that practicing for nothing. And the results didn't even come out either because of a "computer" error. Something about having to do it in the computer in order for it to qualify for All-State. Aah, whatever.

Blah blah blah. Walla walla walla. When was I associated with "walla walla"? I guess I say it too much or something. Just like "Lalaland". But Lalaland is cool, right?

Ok, I think I'm boring the person sitting next to me. Well too bad for you. Buhbye.

8-16-01 - Made one of the biggest decisions I've ever made, and the process that went on in my head describes in a nutshell the way I think half the time.
Prerequisites: I had a scheduling conflict for IB Diploma. I had no ib history class because in the two blocks that history were offered I had orchestra and an ib music class. neither of the two could move and neither of the history courses could move. I was certainly happy, considering history is my worst subject and the teacher was rumored to be in a bad mood. I had originally wanted to try for IB certificate, but Phillips gave me a looong lecture about how Westwood High School is an IB Diploma only school. Period. SOOO that was out of the question. Basically, I had two choices: 1, drop the ib music class, have an extra semester of off block and continue with ib. Or 2, drop ib completely, taking out the need for a history class and the TOK class.

Why to stick with IB I thought. For all the same reasons I had stuck with it in the first place. The challenge. The people. The knowledge you gain. The essays you write. The complaining you get to make. The understanding of stuff you'd never learn in a normal high school class. The slacking off. The stuck up yet great fun story-telling teachers (who didn't like the purple tree story?). Little things made me want to stay, especially the people and friends I had in ib. I felt guilty of leaving them behind to suffer and rot in ib flames. Not only that, I felt guilty of dropping my policy of finishing what i started all these years ago, that after 3 whole hard years of pushing my butt off to get to working on ib crap i would just drop it like that with nothing to show for my hard efforts that pushed me over my edge. It felt so wrong to just leave ib because it's easier that way. I'd also be constantly called an IBDO like it's a bad thing, and I wouldn't really have much reason to complain about the stress level i get since my ibdo status lowers my qualification to complain. At least, that's how I feel in my head.

Why to drop IB. That was easy. TIME. FREEDOM. Things i could only dream about while working on endless monotonous assignments all for a worthless piece of paper counting as a diploma. Time to find myself. Time to do things that I want to do. Time to be with my friends without having to worry about finishing this big project due by the beginning of December. And the freedom! Boy how great that would feel. To be free to do things I wanted to do rather than mindless homework day after day. To not suffer from the random spontaneous IB requirements pulled out of the randomness of their evil hats. I wanted a life of my own. Not that I wasn't getting it already with IB in my way, but I wanted to find for myself what's involved with a music career, and a music history class would be the best way to find out.

Besides that, as I looked at what was involved with IB, I slowly realized that I would never become the scholar that ib advocated. I never read books on my own, I never really even FINISHED the books assigned for school. I had no instigation to find out more about the world around me. I found out that I had not read a single new book aside from schoolbooks since about freshman year. I figured that if i gave time to myself I would eventually figure out what I truly wanted to be when I grew up instead of being distracted with work and work and work.

In any case also, IB was totally pointless. There are no real college recognitions of the IB diploma unless you were going out of the country, and that was DEFINITELY not what I was gonna do. I was planning on UT anyway. Austin is a nice little capitol place, and I'm just too lazy to search for a place I really want to go anyhow. And at UT and most colleges, IB has no meaning. So all that hard work and efforts would have been for nothing anyway. Even knowing I COULD do all the IB work, I know I certainly didn't want to when I could just easily drop out.

Therefore, I dropped out. I wouldn't have had such a difficult decision if Phillips had just let me take certificate. I mean, I'm in an HL class, I could still take english HL and i have a physics from last year and could take chinese SL and I would have my certificate, no problem. But that's just how life goes. It sucks. Whatever you do with it, nothing will change. I know to some people, dropping out of IB shouldn't have been such a hard decision. And to some, IB was somethign I should never have gotten involved with and I'm really stupid to stay in it. But then you have to ask yourself why all the IB students are still in ib. It's something stupid and pointless, but it certainly changes your perspective. Especially the perspective of pointless work. This entry is probably much longer than what I would normally write. But I felt I should add more to my webpage with all my extra time now.

And now just to get my schedule changed...

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