Title: "Tale from Oz: How To Make Your Day Better"

Author: Unknown

 
> For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you
> just need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on
> someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!
>
> Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone
> call I had to make. I found the number and dialled it, a man answered
> nicely saying, "Hello?" I said, politely, "Could I please speak to Sally
> Carter?"
>
> Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me ! I couldn't believe
> that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Sally's correct number
> and
> called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly.
>
> After I hung up with Sally, I spotted the wrong number still lying there
>
> on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more
> answered, I yelled, "You're a wanker !" and hung up. Next to his phone
> number I wrote the word 'Wanker" and put it in the draw of my desk.
>
> Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day,
>
> I'd call him up. He would answer and I would yell, "You're a wanker". It
>
> would always cheer me up. Later in the year Telecom introduced caller
> ID.
>
> This was a disappointment to me, probably I would have to stop calling
> the wanker.
>
> Then one day I had an idea. I dialled his number, then heard his voice.
> "Hello", he said. I made up a name and said, "Hi, this is the sales
> office
> of Telecom and I'm calling to see if you are familiar with our caller ID
>
> programme." He said, "No" and slammed the phone down. I quickly
> called him back and said, "That's because you're a wanker!"
>
> The reason why I have related this story is to show you that if there's
> anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial
> 823 4863 and yell out, "Wanker". You'll feel better.
>
> But please keep reading because it gets better !
>
> Some time later I was trying to find a parking spot in Westfield and an
> old lady at the shopping centre was really taking her time in pulling
> out
> of the parking space. I didn't think that she was ever going to leave.
>
> Finally her car began to move and she started to back out, very slowly.
> I
> backed up to give her more room. Great, I thought, she's finally
> leaving.
> All of a sudden this black BMW came flying up the parking aisle in the
> wrong
> direction and pulls into her space. I called out, "You can't do that. I
> was
> here first. The man climbed out of his BMW and raised one finger in my
> direction and walked towards the shopping centre as if he had never
> heard
> me. I thought to myself, this bloke's a wanker, there certainly are a
> lot of
> wankers in Sydney. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the rear window
> of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to
> park.
>
> A couple of days later, I'm sitting at my desk. I had just got off the
> phone
>
> after calling 823 4863 and yelling, "Wanker." I noticed the phone
> number
> of the owner of the BMW lying on my desk and I thought I'd better call
> this
> bloke, too. After a couple of rings someone answered the phone and
> said,
> "Hello." and I said, "are you the owner of the black BMW for sale?"
> "Yes, I am." came the reply.
> "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
> "Yes, I live at 26 Meadow Road Turramurra. It's a white house and the
> car's
> parked right in the drive."
> "What's your name?" I asked.
> "My name is Don Hansen."
> "When is a good time to catch you, Don?"
> "I'm at home in the evenings."
> "Listen, Don. Can I tell you something?"
> "Yes."
> "Don, you're a wanker !", I said, and I slammed down the phone.
>
> After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialler. For a
> while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem
> I
> had two numbers to call.
>
> Just to be safe and to make sure that they were not able to trace me I
> mainly
> used the public phone just outside. But after a few weeks of calling the
>
> wankers it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave this
> problem
> some
> serious thought and came up with a new solution.
>
> Firstly I called wanker number one and yelled, "Wanker," but didn't hang
> up.
> The wanker said, "Are you still there?"
> "Yes", I said.
> "Stop calling me," he said.
> I said, "No."
> "What's your name?"
> "Don Hansen," I said
> "Where do you live?"
> "26, Meadow Rd. Turramurra. Its a white house and my BMW is in the
> drive."
> "I'm coming right over now. You'd better start saying your prayers."
> "Yeah, like I'm really scared, wanker !" and I hung up.
>
> Then I called wanker number two.
> "Hello," he answered
> I said, "Hello wanker."
> He said, "If I ever find out who you are......"
> "You'll what?"
> "I'll punch your face in."
> "Well, here's your chance, I'm coming right over now, wanker."
> And I hung up.
>
> Then I picked up the phone and called the Hornsby Police. I told them I
> was
> at 26 Meadow Rd. Turramurra and I was going to kill my gay lover as soon
>
> as I got home. Another quick call to Channel 9 about the gang war going
> on down Meadow Rd.. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to
> Meadow Road to watch the whole thing. Glorious ! Watching two wankers
> beating the daylights out of each other in front of six squad cars, a
> police
>
> helicopter and all with full TV coverage was one of the greatest
>experiences
> of my life.
>
>
>
> "No pixels were harmed in the making of this game...to the best of our
> knowledge" Makers of StarCraft
>
>