EXT. WOODS—DAY
MR.
LIME and MR. WARREN sit at a long desk in the middle of the woods. HERBERT, an awkward teen, sits on the
opposite side.
LIME
Alright; here we
have…Herbert.
HERBERT
Hi.
LIME
Herbert, welcome. I’m Mr. Lime, this is Mr. Warren.
Tell us—what brings you to
our humble firm?
HERBERT
Well, for one, I’ve got good
people skills. I worked as an Assistant
Manager for a Checkers back home in
Reveal
what Lime and
Ah. You DO understand that, as a zombie, there
isn’t much in the traditional sense of “customer relations”.
HERBERT
…hadn’t really considered
that, no.
LIME
Well, the basics are in it;
strong handshake, showing your teeth…sort of thing.
What kind of qualifications
or personal characteristics do you feel you have to assure your success with
us?
HERBERT
I did…fill out the résumé
properly, right?
LIME
You did, but there’s only so
much we can do with a reference from your—
He
checks the resume.
LIME (Cont’d)
—Economics Professor.
HERBERT
Ahh…my ex said I had a real tender
neck?
Lime
and
HERBERT (Cont’d)
Like, you guys eat flesh and
it could be tasty? I dunno…here,
you could try if you—
Nononono, no, no, don’t cheat the
system.
LIME
How would you describe
yourself in terms of your ability to work as a member of a team?
HERBERT
...one
of the crowd?
They
nod, impressed.
How would you evaluate your
ability to deal with conflict?
HERBERT
Look, I’m sorry,
it’s just…is this typical?
I’m sorry?
HERBERT
Is this…typically how it
goes? Like…I’m applying for you guys to
bite me through my living muscle and transform me into a mindless creature of
frenzied immortal hunger. APPLYING.
LIME
Well, no, usually Ms.
O’Brien would be conducting the interview with me, but as he’s on holiday in
the
HERBERT
No, no, no…I’m confused as
to why it is I need to interview to be a victim of supernatural homicide.
A
knowing look is exchanged between Lime and
Zombieism isn’t a trend, Herbert;
it’s a commitment. And while there’s
been a long and well-documented period of reckless spreading, we believe that a
careful selection process has now become necessary for the betterment of the
species.
HERBERT
“Betterment of the species”? The species’ goal is to eat!
LIME
In all fairness, the same
could be said about a majority of the African continent.
Herbert’s
got nothing. Lime gestures for Herbert
to sit idle, Lime and
LIME (Cont’d)
What do you think?
He’s got spunk,
intelligence, wit.
LIME
Bite him in the brain?
Good call.
They
turn back.
LIME
Well, Herbert, thank you
very much for your time; we’ll give you a call if we find any openings.
HERBERT
…you have a phone?
Somewhere around here.
HERBERT
And you’re able to dial?
LIME
Mr. Herman’s fingers have
yet to deteriorate. No worries. We’ll get in touch. Thank you for your time.