Don't knock it
It's a fast way
To increase your body mass
Why use fingers
To crack peanuts
When you could do it with your ass?

Yes, I now admit it
I might've overdid it
The shoe's big but I fit it
You could say I'm Super Sized
But so was the container
No, I simply couldn't drain 'er
And for lack of a vein
I put steroids in my eyes

It did hurt
Quite a little
And just kept on bleeding
But you should
See the pages
Flutter when I'm speed reading

My eyes are so equipped
They give Snellen Charts tips
On how to balance out
All the letters it comprises
You can laugh at my provision
And boast your natural vision
But can y'dent the pavement
With your teardrops when y'cry?

There was one
Single side effect
That's perhaps a little weird
Should I
Be concerned that
My retinas have grown beards?

My mother used to merit
The nutrition of the carrot
To enhance my sight
It sounded pretty wise
But back when she said it
I think she might've meant it
For me to eat them with my mouth
And not with my eyes

The last time
Someone faced me
In a staring contest
They saw how
Deep and brown now
And grew jealously depressed

My lenses now are thick as trunks
But my corneas might have shrunk
Oh, well, I guess it's what you get
When shooting up your eyes
I should really like to stop
If the tub were lower than the top
But since it's not the case
The balls will just go dry