Here’s a news flash, my friends – we live in Florida. South Florida. Here, not a single jaw drops when the humidity reaches a stifling one hundred percent. It’s no feat to break ninety-five degrees every day for months at a time. Why, then, do we ever degrade ourselves into wearing stuffy three-piece suits? Sure, it may look nice, but then again, you don’t see Eskimos wearing neon Bermuda shorts and sleeveless tees, do you? No, of course you don’t – because they’ve taken a look around, seen that their surroundings are whiter than Newt Gingrich at a KKK rally, and made an astounding statement that we, for some reason, have yet to stumble upon, “Hey, you know, maybe this set of clothing isn’t really appropriate for my residential area!” So there’s one point – everyone ought to dress according to how comfortable they are in relation to their environment.

I don’t see dressing up as a sign of respect. Call me crazy, but I feel that respect lies primarily within personality and secondarily within attendance – the only reason you should be making a huge effort in clothing would be if you’re trying to impress someone, and you’re too insecure about whether or not your personality will do the trick. It is my belief that dressing up sets a precedent. For instance, let’s say you’re invited to a black-tie wedding. Not only do you now have to go out of your way before the event, you ALSO have to dish out seventy-five bucks in order to wear this confining ensemble that you’ll only sport once. Now, for females, it’s even worse. I’ve seen it – you’ve got the perfect, beautiful dress in your possession…but you’re fifteen pounds overweight. So, for a few weeks before the occasion, you either become mildly anorexic, or you suddenly start doing more crunching than Captain Crunch, himself. I’m not sure about you, but anything that requires that much dedication would make me as jittery as a plate of Jell-O on the San Andreas Fault. Wouldn’t it be easier if everyone just went to the wedding in his or her pajamas and slippers? So here’s the second point – everyone ought to dress according to how comfortable they are, in general.

Now here’s where I go philosophical – just give me a chance. Have you ever looked at yourself naked in the mirror? All right, it’s a weird question, I’ll admit – but just answer it mentally. I’m not looking for personal experiences, or anything. But have you ever looked at your own body, and been completely content with what you’ve seen? I’m no betting man, but I’m going to guess that for a lot of you, the answer is “no”, and the reason I say that is not because I know that each and every one of you is a human cupcake, but rather because people of today’s culture commonly define themselves by the length of their biceps, the cup size on their bra, the fat on their thighs, and the zits on their cheeks. The first step to being happy with who you are is understanding what your body is and can do – and, even more importantly, that it is merely a shell of your true self; the cocoon around the butterfly, as it were. And with this revelation comes the knowledge that we place far too much upon our physical selves. Hence, there is no reason we should be so sensitive to nudity. Like it or not, sex and birth are two components that are pretty much devout when it comes to that whole concept of “life”. As a matter of fact, some might even argue that they are the concept of life, altogether. So why hide them?

After much consideration, it is my belief that we hide nudity because somehow we’ve come to the conclusion that a society of nakedness would make us a civilization whose sexual activity is more vigorous than a colony of ants being sustained by an endless mixture of coffee and Mountain Dew. The truth, my friends, is that people are sexier in clothing. With attire, there’s that playful aura of mystery – you’re aware of what’s there, but you can’t see it. It’s a thousand times more exciting than constant bareness, because after a while, I can guarantee it will become a turn-off. If you consider this even further, that could be an advantageous occurrence. Intercourse would become a less-easily accomplished act, which could possibly transform it back into a meaningful, beautiful feat between two lovers, rather than the desensitized, typical exploit it has been degraded to in recent years – and I feel humankind, in general, could benefit if this were the case.

So there we are. Dress how you’re comfortable. Don’t allow fashion to perverse your perceptions, unless you want it to. And always remember – the status quo may dictate that which is trendy – but the status quo is made up of people, and you, my friends, you are all people. Let’s get cozy.