The American education process is hardly a subject of national spotlight these days. Somewhere between our strangling economy and an entire rainbow of Very Dangerous And Serious Codes of terrorism warning, that whole bit about “ensuring the future generation is capable of maintaining the country and themselves” has simply taken a backseat to more important things. After all, the people running the country once the future generation takes over will be long dead (or so it can presumed that they hope).

Thankfully, however, a light has been directed to shine somewhere just outside a tunnel that the particularly floundering state of Florida happens to currently be in, and that light has a name: “FCAT”. This masterfully composed trial of TRUE genius is easily the best genuine measurement of a child’s academic abilities. The singular problem it has; the only way to properly pass is to know the system in which its written, meaning that schools spend thousands upon thousands of dollars having students take all sorts of messy electives, such as English and Geometry, that inadvertently teach essentials of the test.

It is therefore my first proposition that the School Boards of the state of Florida eliminate these extraneous classes from all curriculum, so as to make way for a pure FCAT preparation. This would not be necessary if pestering, rebellious English teachers wouldn’t add in their own, non-FCAT-related materials, such as Catcher in the Rye and Of Mice and Men. If these pieces of “literature” were TRULY important, the FCAT would already cover them. The boring concept of “classes” will be replaced by the contemporary “day”, where students will have the privilege of serving under the same teacher for the entire day. Not only will this prevent the confusion associated with changing rooms, but also kill the chaos created by lunch.

The FCAT teaches only the essentials to the youth. It is for this reason that there are strict standards set to the test – there are strict standards in life, after all. A symbolic portion within its pages lies inside of the Answer Box – where should students write outside of the designated space, their response will not be graded. “Thinking outside of the box” will no longer be permitted, as independent thought is something inappropriate for the Floridian School System. It has been tolerated before in the past, and has only proven to be a failure. It will benefit the youth more if these pesky secondary mindsets would be neutralized; it is for this reason that, upon entering High School, each individual student will be lobotomized. I have heard of a method from a friend of mine who assures me the staple is nothing more than “a brisk snap to the frontal lobe,” and “relatively painless.”

Remember, I’m not suggesting anything you haven’t already considered. Rant: FCAT Glorification 1

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