EnsTren: (and she's sitting in her bubble bath waiting for
it to go cold)
Edmondia: (and where's Sarah?)
EnsTren: (probably sitting in the bathroom with her)
Edmondia: (ah)
Edmondia: (Mokuba's being fed dinner)
EnsTren: (and worring)
Edmondia: (yes)
EnsTren: (seto's scratching herself hard as she talks to
sarah)
Edmondia: (I don't think Sarah would let her get away with it)
EnsTren: (calmly ask why, cognitive approch)
Edmondia: (ah)
EnsTren: (seto's very confused)
EnsTren: (the one who said he was her "twin")
EnsTren: (it was nice, she could tell, nice and good and
right and benificent and kind to a fault)
EnsTren: (and it punished her too)
Edmondia: (mmhmm)
EnsTren: (so that must mean she REALLY is bad and
awful)
Edmondia: (Sarah's giving her a Look)
EnsTren: (Seto grumbles it's that special thing again,
same as the soul room and stuff)
Edmondia: (Sarah's still giving her the Look)
EnsTren: (She explains the voice was good beyond
compare (expression saying it makes her feel dirty) and
it hurt her)
Edmondia: ("And did it mean to hurt you?")
EnsTren: ("I think so, It kept on trying to make me do
something I didn't want to do and then left and made the
place warm so it hurt in bad ways.")
Edmondia: ("Seto, sometimes doing what you don't want to
do is better for you than doing what you do want to do.")
EnsTren: ("I'm responsible, I don't damage myself
permanently. I don't stay there too long, but he took it
away, maybe even permanently.")
Edmondia: ("But you do damage yourself. Maybe he
thought he was helping.")
EnsTren: ("How could the good one be wrong?")
Edmondia: ("Humans have a tendency to be wrong, Seto.")
EnsTren: (She pulled back and hugged her knees to her
chest, "It wasn't human.")
Edmondia: ("How do you know that?" Sarah asked patiently,
"Good people can be wrong, good people are wrong a lot of the
time. Nobody's perfect.")
EnsTren: ("That.... thing was damn near it.")
Edmondia: ("Seto, even the best of people make mistakes.")
EnsTren: ("Wasn't human, not completely.")
Edmondia: ("Mistakes are universal.")
EnsTren: ("Seth said they were accidents. But then
why do the bad accidents keep on happening to me?")
Edmondia: ("You have a very prominant position in society.
People want to take advantage of that.")
EnsTren: ("Happened before that.")
EnsTren: ("Happens and has nothing to do with it.")
Edmondia: "What do you mean?"
EnsTren: "Losing, taking, being hurt, sometimes it
doesn't have to do with my status."
Edmondia: "What does it have to do with?"
EnsTren: "I keep on getting punished, espically when I
try to be greedy."
Edmondia: "Seto, you're not being punished. There is no
cosmic being out to get you. If there were, your yami would've
kicked its ass."
EnsTren: "Bad things don't happen to good people,
though, only accidents."
Edmondia: "Bad things do happen to good people, Seto."
EnsTren: "But they are accidents, exceptions."
Edmondia: "Was it an accident that your husband was stolen
from his home when he was only a child?"
EnsTren: "Yes, because he was rescued and it never
happened again."
Edmondia: "Was it an accident that Ryou Bakura's little sister
died of a terminal disease when she was five?"
EnsTren: "It didn't happen again."
Edmondia: "His mother died a year later."
EnsTren: "Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence,
three times is conspiracy."
Edmondia: "Bad things happen to good people over and over
and over again. It is not a conspiracy, it's life."
EnsTren: "But I'm not a good person."
Edmondia: "Yes you are."
EnsTren: "I'm not."
Edmondia: "A bad person wouldn't think that."
EnsTren: "I'm an intelligent bad person."
Edmondia: "No, you're an intelligent but self-delusional good
person."
EnsTren: "Was I good when I hit Yugi across the face
with my breifcase? When I gave his grandfather a heart
attack? When I ripped up the card? When I abused
and hurt Mokuba? When I am the murderer of
thousands and thousands of people?"
Edmondia: "Your own guilt is your redemption."
EnsTren: "Sorry doesn't make it better."
Edmondia: "No, but helps you. And haven't you been
working to make things better?"
EnsTren: "I can't raise the dead."
Edmondia: "But you can help their families. And you've been
doing that."
EnsTren: "The blight is on my soul forever."
Edmondia: "Scars are scars. You accept them and you move
on."
EnsTren: She was silent.
Edmondia: "Do you hold it against the others, that they've
killed and are unrepentant?"
EnsTren: "Yes."
Edmondia: "Your husband?"
EnsTren: "That's justice."
Edmondia: "Is it?"
EnsTren: "Winning, losing, in the shadow games it
depends on your heart--and your guilt."
Edmondia: "Yet you played a shadow game against Yugi's
yami and survived."
EnsTren: "My soul was ripped up because I was a bad
person."
Edmondia: "If you were truly a bad person, wouldn't you be
dead?"
EnsTren: "If he knew I was a murderer at the time he
might have."
Edmondia: "Didn't he know? Can't he see into people's souls
and judge their guilt accordingly?"
EnsTren: "He was less than completely sane at the time.
And maybe he saw... I was a split soul?"
Edmondia: "A split soul?"
EnsTren: "I have a Yami, so that makes me superficially
a hikari."
Edmondia: "Superficially? You underestimate your own
worth, Seto."
EnsTren: "Light can be tainted." Because she wasn't
good or strong or just plain lucky enough.
Edmondia: "Hurt, yes. I don't pretend to understand the
magic you have, Seto, but it seems to me that you are having a
very difficult time coming to grips with yourself and your past."
EnsTren: "Which past?"
Edmondia: "All of it."
EnsTren: "The past is in the past and you can't do
anything about it."
Edmondia: "You can accept it."
EnsTren: "Won't change it."
Edmondia: "No, it won't. But it will make you happier."
EnsTren: "I don't deserve to be happy."
Edmondia: "Yes, you do."
EnsTren: "Do you think it's going to get cold again?"
Edmondia: "I don't know."
EnsTren: "I hope so."
EnsTren: "I need it."
Edmondia: "For now, try and live without it."
EnsTren: "It's not like I have a choice in the matter."
Edmondia: "Whenever you want to go there, do something
else instead. Something productive."
EnsTren: "But I need to go there so I can be
productive."
Edmondia: "Focus your energy elsewhere. Beat the crap out
of a punching bag."
EnsTren: "But I LACK energy when I want to go
there."
Edmondia: "Then have your husband give you a back rub."
EnsTren: "Cutting gets quicker results."
Edmondia: "But you're not going to cut, are you?"
EnsTren: "Why shouldn't I? And why does he want
me to cut him instead?"
Edmondia: "Because it's unhealthy and because he can't
stand to see you hurt yourself."
EnsTren: "But he says he'll let me have his pain."
Edmondia: "But to his eyes, he'll be giving you some of what
you want."
EnsTren: "I don't understand."
Edmondia: She sighed. "He's trying to find a balance
between pleasing you and keeping you from hurting yourself.
If you cut him, you're not hurting yourself, but you'll be
unhappy. If he lets you feel the pain, you won't be hurting
yourself physically, and you'll be happy. He's just as confused
as you are."
EnsTren: "Why isn't it ever enough?"
Edmondia: "What do you mean?"
EnsTren: "What's in me, my determination and strength
and skill, why isn't it enough?"
EnsTren: "It seems like the only time I win at what I
want to win is when to lose will break me."
Edmondia: "But don't you already have everything you
need?"
EnsTren: She flinched and huddled down. "I'm being
greedy." She was going to be punished, something
badhorrible was going to happen.
Edmondia: "Seto. You're not being greedy. I'm just pointing
out that you're a very lucky young woman already, in spite of all
your hardships. Believe me, you're not being greedy, you're not
going to be punished. The worst thing that is going to happen
is that your husband is going to give you a very fattening
dessert tonight, and probably kiss you. Nothing bad is going
to happen."
EnsTren: "Something bad ALWAYS happens."
EnsTren: Breathebreathe, becalm. So long as she didn't
work at it, so long as it was a want, that she didn't act
on; maybe it would be okay.
Edmondia: "And what about good things?"
EnsTren: "Paid for in blood."
Edmondia: "It makes them all the more precious."
EnsTren: Her bloody tears, her saltwater blood, her
rippedtorn skin, her perveted blasphemous flesh, her
dark mind. That was her currency.
Edmondia: "Don't you think it was worth it?"
EnsTren: "...I don't know."
Edmondia: "I'm sorry you feel that way, Seto."
EnsTren: She sunk deeper into the bubbles.
Edmondia: "Come on, get out. The water's got to be cold by
now."
EnsTren: "I like it cold."
Edmondia: "No, Seto, I don't think you do. Come on, dinner's
going to be ready at any minute."
EnsTren: "I'll come out in a bit, I promise."
Edmondia: "You
Edmondia: "You're already clean."
EnsTren: "I like the cold."
Edmondia: "Seto, you've gone pruney. Out of the tub."
EnsTren: "No."
Edmondia: "Out of the tub or Seth goes in it."
EnsTren: "Is my word not good enough for you!?"
Edmondia: "Is getting out of the tub so traumatizing that you
can't do it while I'm standing right here?"
EnsTren: "I just want the cold."
Edmondia: "Cold is bad for you. You'll lower your core
temperature, it's unhealthy. Out of the tub."
EnsTren: "I'm fine, I'm not going to get frostbite in my
own tub."
Edmondia: "You're not fine. If you were fine you'd be out of
the tub by now and we'd be settling down to a nice dinner."
EnsTren: "Physically fine."
Edmondia: "Seto, get out of the tub."
EnsTren: She looked away. Damnit! She promised,
she didn't break her promises. Did they think she was
so horrible she would break one of her own core
tenants?!
Edmondia: "Seto. Just come to dinner."
EnsTren: "I said I would."
Edmondia: "Now."
EnsTren: "What's so damned bad about wanting to
linger in my own bathtub for a few more minutes without
you pestering me!?"
Edmondia: Sarah fixed her with a cool glare. "You have two
minutes," she announced flatly, "Then I will have Seth come in
here and drag you out kicking and screaming. Do you
understand me?"
EnsTren: "Five minutes, I need two to get dressed."
She was giving the older woman a distinctly hostile glare.
Edmondia: "Fine." Sarah snapped, "Five only and then I
don't care if you're in your underwear or not."
EnsTren: Seto just glared at her, way to get on the
excrement list.
Edmondia: She glared back. "You act like a child, you get
treated like one. Good day, Miss Kaiba." And she stalked out.
EnsTren: Idiotic bitch. Really, who didn't like to linger
in their baths? But as soon as the door closed she
sighed and relaxed in the water, three seconds later she
dunked herself.
EnsTren: The air muffled the sounds, the cold closed
over her and made the banging in her skull dissapate, her
throat, hot from talking, was also taken care of.
EnsTren: Her skin, long lines of it had itched for her
nails, for her knife, now they only tingled at worst. She'd
cut when she got out, but she wouldn't have to bleed
because of the cold.
Edmondia: ...pretty light?
EnsTren: I STILL HAVE FOUR AND A HALF
MINUTES!
EnsTren: She lashed out, turning, coming up, face
flushed in anger, serenity banished.
EnsTren: Shesaid! SHESAID!
Edmondia: Baby, I just want to know what kind of dressing
you want on your salad.
EnsTren: She flopped. Deepbreath. Ranch. And tell
her that I don't want her dining with us, we have
guests, and besides, servants don't eat with the
family.
EnsTren: She dipped herself again. Ten count, twenty
count, then back up, refreshed and chilled. Two paralllel
cuts, light bleeding, that would be perfect. She slipped
out of the tub and went for the medicine cabint.
Edmondia: Baby?
EnsTren: Yes? She sounded to be reasonably pleasant
mood. Antiseptic and a vitamin jar were pulled out and
set on the counter; washcloth laid out.
EnsTren: She opened the large bottle and poured the
vitamins out onto the washcloath--they were always
taking her blades away but she was smarter. See?
Where was that tiny baby swiss army knife, she picked it
out and sat on the throne.
Edmondia: Stop it.
EnsTren: What?
EnsTren: She strightened her right leg and opened it up.
He was outside, so she wouldn't make herself bleed, she
didn't even need a knife for that minor amount of
damage because she could do it with her nails. But
there was something soothing about the steel.
Edmondia: I'm coming inside, baby.
EnsTren: You can't. She said I have five minutes.
Edmondia: I'm not her, am I?
EnsTren: She said she was going to send you to get
me. Quickly now, first cut, long on her thigh, pale white
and not a drop of blood.
EnsTren: She could have done it with her nails.
Edmondia: She can't sense what I can, he snapped coldly,
Stop that.
EnsTren: She sighed in relief and flipped the blade
closed, putting her leg down. She didn't need two, this
was enough. Her movements tugged at the scratch,
irritated it, pulled her mind away from emptiness.
EnsTren: She got up and put everything away, no
antiseptic needed this time. Now towel dry.
Edmondia: "Very sneaky of you."
EnsTren: "I have more, so don't bother removing it."
