The Eden Observer

TOWN IN TERROR

On Monday August 4, 2003, authorities received a tip-off that the notorious Irish killer-for-hire, Aidan O'Malley had been seen in the Vicinity of the Eden Hotel.

Aidan O'Malley, alleged hitman for organized crime in Boston, has been seen in Eden Falls. Although never convicted, he is believed responsible for over four hundred hired killings in the northeast. A known mercenary, O'Malley has also been tied to the more powerful Italian crime syndicates in Chicago and New York.

Suspected victims of O'Malley have fallen prey to garotte wires, silenced weapons, car bombings, and slit throats. The lack of a consistent modus operandi or calling card has made it hard for prosecutors in the New England area to tie the crimes together or pin them on O'Malley.

Authorities are now concerned that he might be in town to hoping to take advantage of the current murderous mood of the community to increase his body count.

Mayor Fang-Fluffy today issued a press statement, in which she said, "Some unscrupulous member of the community may track him down, and hire him to kill one of our gentle townspeople.... I hope that whoever finds him first will turn him over to the authorities....however, I understand that might be too much to hope for. All residents of Eden Falls should be vigilant and on their guard. I am sure that O'Malley is holed up somewhere in town right now, just waiting for someone to hire him."

Mayor Fang-Fluffy went on to say this "Mr O'Malley is reputed to be very conscientious when it comes to protecting his employers' identities. If some person should decide to use his services, it is likely the town will never know who it was that hired him."