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It was a cheerful Thursday afternoon on Juanita Avenue on July 31st, 2003. Even though it was Rush Hour for the town of Eden Falls, everything was going fairly smoothly and normally. Taylor Damien was being the same reckless driver, and honking his horn like mad; Mayor Fang-Fluffy was making her way back to her house in her
chauffeur-driven Limo, lolling around in the
back seat, with a martini in hand, trying to relax after a stressful day of work; and Fernando Mooray was juggling his flaming bowling pins. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.
However, then at 5:15, suddenly and very mysteriously, a flaming bowling pin that Fernando had just thrown up in the air, suddenly in air changed directions, and flew out into the street, into oncoming traffic.
“I had no idea what had happened,” Fernando said, “It was like something out of the X-Files. Nothing like that has ever happened in my entire juggling career, a pin changing direction in the air. Especially with flaming pins.”
The pin landed on the front wheel of Mayor Fang Fluffy’s Limo, setting it into flames, causing her limo driver to panic. The limo driver,
whose identity will be kept confidential, swerved out into the middle of the intersection of Juanita Avenue and Main Street, moving into 3 lanes of oncoming traffic. Instantly, 7 cars crashed into the limo, throwing the Mayor out of her seat, and spilling her martini. Later, she described the experience as, “Terrifuckifying”.
Soon after that, Taylor Damien, who was talking on his cell phone, eating a pineapple just purchased from Gordo’s fruit stand, and blaring his horn at the stopped cars while driving, did not notice the limo, and ended up crashing into its end at 80 mph, spinning Taylor out of control, and swerving him into 3 other cars. Taylor stumbled out of his car afterwards, got his pineapple, which had smashed through his windshield and onto the roadway, and continued to indulge in it.
Investigators began to investigate what could have caused the crash, specifically caused Fernando to lose control of his flaming bowling pin. There so far seems to be no
credible scientific explanation for the
phenomenon, but townspeople have recently developed a theory of their own: It was a ghost.
While this theory may sound ridiculous or impossible, it is not as impossible as you may think: The place where Fernando was juggling his flaming bowling pins,
coincidentally, was the same place as where Lloyd Patrick, on July 20th 2003, was hit by a truck when trying to save his pet rock.
Some think Lloyd, who had a lot more potential in life, could be angry over not just his death, and his pet rock’s
demise, who finally crumbled away in the hospital yesterday due to a
chronic erosion condition.
Miraculously, nobody was seriously injured in the accident. However, Fernando stated he would only continue juggling in Eden Fall’s central park, and Mayor Fang Fluffy’s limo driver was fired on the spot yesterday. The limo driver has now been taken to Aaron’s Insane Asylum, after suffering a mental breakdown for not being able to drive Mayor Fang-Fluffy around
any longer.
This is understood to be the worst traffic accident since 1979, when a group of 50 drunk people stormed an Eden Falls intersection at 1:00am, singing Gloria Gaynor’s hit “I Will Survive”. Only 17 did.
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Devon Spasms, Cat Spasms, whichever you please!
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