TRAGEDY IN EDEN FALLS

On Monday 21 July, after finishing a day's work at his office in the Town Hall, our beloved Deputy Mayor Kevin Jawz headed over to his fiancee Ms Kylie McGovern's offices. Witnesses report hearing raised voices coming from the backroom. Shortly after, Mr Jawz left the building and jumped into his car.

Witnesses noted him leaving, because he had a piece of toilet paper trailing from his left shoe. Ms McGovern was consoled by her assistant Mr Robert Deporter, but was clearly shaken by the turn the day had taken...

Mr Jawz was seen approximately 20 minutes later at the Geheimnisvolles' Tavern, where he drank himself into a mean temper. Then, after creating a disturbance he was asked to leave by security. As he made his way to the exit, for no apparent reason, his head exploded.

The staff and patrons are now receiving counselling, after witnessing such a traumatic event...The cleaning staff are still removing the remains from the ceiling, and one patron is suing the estate for compensation after slipping on a chunk of frontal lobe.

 Detectives are examining the scene for clues.