Part One
"What?" I yelled, taking off my headphones.
"Door!" My mother yelled.
I walked downstairs, still singing silverchair's "Miss You Love". When I reached the landing I asked my mom who it was.
"Don't keep him waiting out there."
Him?
Curious now, I hurried to the door and opened it to the face of Daniel.
"Hi." He smiled.
Opening the glass door, I stepped outside onto the porch. "Hey."
We stood there looking at each other then turned to look at the street. We stayed that way for a minute. I didnt expect him to come back, at least not to me. He had Sara, why was he here?
"So, what do you want?" I asked finally.
Sighing he sat down and looked up at me. "I came to see you."
"Me? Why? Is Sara not home or something?" I sat.
"No...well, I don't know if she is or not." He squinted at the streetlight that had flickered on. "I came straight here."
Shocked I said, "Well I don't feel like playing basketball, so...."
"No, I came here to see you, I wanted to talk to you." He said and took hold of my hand. I looked down at it like a disease. He let go. "Listen," he said, "I know I gave you a load of shit the last time I was here..."
"Damn straight. I interrupted.
"...but I came back to fix it all. When I was away, I thought aboyut you. I remembered all that I did and the day of Halloween...," he glanced at me, a smile dancing on his lips, "and the day I left, how you seemed upset or scared...I never could tell." He finished smiling again.
"I was scared." I said toying with my shirt. I looked up. "I was scared and upset. I didn't want you to cry, but I didn't know what to say to make you feel better or if you wanted me to say anything. I didn't want you to go and I felt like I could've killed those jerks who hurt you..."
He came to me and grabbed my hands, pulling me to him.
"I was hoping you would say something like that." He looked away. "I really did like you, I do now. I just didn't...I don't know what it was. I came back to Sara for some screwed reason. She's not like you though. You listen, you care. She only wants some boy toy to say 'I love you' to every five minutes. I can't be with someone like that. It probably doesn't matter to you now..." He trailed off.
I moved so I ws looking into his eyes. Damn, how I loved his eyes. "No, it matters, but I don't get what you're trying to say. What's your point?"
"My point is," he moved his arms around me so he was holding me, "my point is thatr I want to be with you. To hold you and talk with you...and just benear you." I placed my arms around his neck. He pulled me closer to him until we were like one.
"I'm sorry." He whispered.
"I know." I answered, a tear sliding down my face.
He pulled away. "No, I eman I'm REALLY sorry, for everything. You cna't believe how sor..." He pulled down my arms, "can't believe how...what is this?" He grabbed my arms and turned them over. Long red scratch marks ran down the length of them. He flipped them over and looked at my hands where you could plainly see the small white scars on top.
He looked up at me, worry in his eyes. "I asked you a question. What the hell are these Tara?"
The tears were coming freely now, running down my face. I pulled him to me and cried into his shoulder. "I know you're sorry..." I repeated. He just stood there, letting me cry, every now and then whispering that it would be okay.
After I had calmed down he sat me on the steps and asked again, "Tara what are these? Did they come from you?"
I looked into his eyes, then turned the other way. How could I tell him? He'd think I was crazy and run. I couldn't do that, not when he had just come back, and to me of all people.
"Tara?" He asked.
"They're nothing," I answered, "nothing. My arms were itchy so I scratched them. Apparently I scratched them too hard that's all." I breathed in deep silently praying that he would accept that as answer, though I knew how fake and stupid it sounded. "Too hard...that's it." I sounded like I was trying to convince myself. I stood up, wrapping my arms around me. "It's cold out here." I whispered to no one.
He came up, putting his arms around me. "I don't think that's it. What really went on? Where did they come from?"
I turned to him. "It all started in August. I was really depressed. About myself, starting school, friends other shit like that. I tried not to cry, I willed myself not to cry but I did. I broke down one day, bawling and tearing at my arms, to make the pain go away, you know? My hands I did at school. I wanted to commit suicide. I had to call Rachel to talk. It was all this crap that's hard to explain now." My eyes were filling again.
He leaned his head against mine. "Man, I wish I could have been here. I would've tried to help you."
"No you wouldn't have." I said, suddenly angry. Glaring at him I pulled away. "You would have sat there and ignored me like you always did. Why the hell are you here? Why? Do you enjoy making me angry, making me upset?" He reached for me. "Get away from me. Why are you here?!" I screamed turning away.
He let his arm drop. "Because I love you."
I froze. I remembered all those times in my room, alone, that I had dreamt of him saying those three little words to me and now that he had, I couldn't believe it. I turned around.
He grinned. "It's true, believe me. I always have and always will. I just can't believe it took me this long to tell you."
He came to me and took my hands again. Looking deep into my eyes he said. "Be with me tonight. Not doing anything, just be with me, lay with me and I'll....I'll chase all your fears away." He smiled.
"Okay."
He wiped my face softly. "Good. Now stop crying. Don't be sad, I meant every word I said. I do love you and hopefully you love me too, or will. But for tonight I just want to be close to you."
* * * *
So I went with him. It was so surreal, like a dream. We didn't do anything but lie with each other and hold one another talking until we fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning to find him gone. "Fuck." I swore under my breath. Sitting up I glanced around the room. Something on the night table caught my eye, a tray with breakfast and a note. He wasn't gone, just running errands at the mall.
"Chill out Tara. You are way too paranoid." I quickly ate then dressed and hurried to the mall.
"So you saying shit about me? You a problem with me boy?"
"No, but if I did have a problem with you I'd say it to your face!"
I jumped out of the car and hurried over. I had arrived at hte mall to find Daniel's car with it's door open and a bag lying next to it, its contents strewn across the ground. Shouts coming from behind the building caught my attention so I ran to the side to see Daniel in the middle of a crowd.
"So, you gonna answer or what?"
"Stop!" I yelled walking over. "Let him go."
"Oh-ho, look here. Your bitch come to help you I see?"
"I ain't his 'bitch'." I answered. "DJ, is that you? What, now you have to beat up everyone who looks at you the wrong way?" No answer. "Jamaal too? Jesus Christ guyes, grow up!"
"Tara, just go home. I'm okay. They're just mad about something that happened before I left. It's fine, go." Daniel pleaded.
"No." I said. I turned to the group. "If you hit him, you better hit me too. If....you guys are man enough."
"Fuck this." Some blonde kid said and drew back his arm. Seeing this I ran and stepped in between him and Daniel. Looking up to his face I told him to back off. When he didn't move I said it again. "Back off. If all you want to do with your free time is beat people up then you're the one who's the bitch and a loser." I turned to the rest again. "All of you are! Now leave, or I'll nail everyone's ass here! Go!"
They backed off. Slowly, but they did. Though not before getting in a few more words edgewise. "This ain't over yet. We'll find you when you ain't got your girl to hide behind." DJ yelled before sliding into a car and driving off.
I looked at Daniel.
"Let's go." He said and took my arm.
"So what did they want?" I asked later at home.
"They were just starting crap. 'Unfinished business' they called it. But it was nothing I couldn't handle." He grinned stupidly.
"Yeah, well still..." I stood up.
"Hey! Come 'ere!" He pulled me down onto his lap and kissed me deeply. My hands found their way to his neck, and he laid me down flat on the couch. After a moment or two he broke away and laid his head on my stomach. I smiled and ran my hands around his neck. I was happy.
Below me Daniel breathed in deep. "I'm leaving in the morning."
SLAM!
"I don't want to but I have to. Please Tara, understand what I'm saying."
"How the hell and I supposed to understand?" I yelled back. "You come here," BANG!, "saying that you're sorry, that you want to fix everything and...and that you love me?! But now you're leaving? I don't get how I'm supposed to understand."
He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "My dad is dying. I have to go. Everyone else, besides my brother, has already gone up. I wanted to be with you before I left, to fix everything before I left because I don't know how long I'll be long. I don't want to but I have to, he's my dad."
I felt horrible. Why didn't I ask? How could I have gotten so upset?
"Shit, Daniel...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I-I didn't know..."
He smiled. "It's okay, it's fine. I said it kind of bluntly so I'm as much to blame." He slipped his hands into mine.
"Maybe, but I shot off without so much as asking first..." I started again.
"It's fine really. Don't you think I know how angry you can get? And how fast? It's fine." He smiled again.
Sigh. "So you're leaving tomorrow?"
"Yea..."
"Well," I said letting go, "let's get you packed."
"Did you forget anything? You've got money and food...and what about your phone?"
"Chill," Daniel said laughing, "I've got everything, it's all in there. Now," he said scooping me up quickly, "let's see about getting you in there." he put me down gently in the trunk.
Laughing I tried to swat at him. I had calmed down since yesterday and accepted the fact that he had to leave. But I still didn't like it.
Getting out of the trunk I turned around and stared at him, trying to memorize every detail of his face.
"So...." I started.
"So...."
We looked at each other and held our gaze. Touching my chin he lifted my head and brought his down. When our lips touched it seemd like forever and I didn't want to let go.
"I don't want you to leave me."
"Neither do I."
"I love you." I whispered.
Closing my eyes he leaned his head against mine. "I love you too." He opened his eyes and sighed. "Good-bye."
* * * *
A month and a half had gone by. The only word I had received from Daniel was a letter telling me his father was gone. He didn't need me just yet, but maybe in another two weeks or so. He just 'needed time for family' he said.
That had hurt, but I understood the grief that came with losing someone. Time was the only healer.
My mother never knew what went on that night or the day after. All she knew was that I left with Daniel and came home alone. That's it and that's the way it stayed. We had long ago lost the mother-daughter relationship, not that we had ever really shared a bond in the first place. No questions were asked.
So, I waited. I didn't become some vegetable that sat rocking in a chair for the next month-and-a-half, but I didn't see anyone either. Graduation came and I was finally free. I even went to some parties, got drunk, and had the time of my life, all with Daniel and his father's death in the back of my mind. But when I got home, I was so tired and out of it that I didn't have time to think. I passed out.
It was now three-and-a-half weeks later. Daniel had called to tell me he wanted to see me. He sounded so distant and weak, like his soul had been drained.
"His dad just died Tara. How do you think he'd sound?" I thought aloud to myself.
Sighing I pushed it out of my mind and finished stuffing my suitcase into my trunk. I was leaving that night but need money. I had always been such a procrastinator.
Looking at the car and then to the sky, I debated on whether or not I should take the car or walk to the bank. I need to save gas and money for it, but there was a chance of getting caught in the rain. Looking to the sky again I decided to risk it and quickly started walking down the street.
"How much for withdrawal ma'am?"
"$25.00 please."
I stood in the middle of the bank trying not to get run over. It was pay day and the bank was crowded. Children cried and exasperated mothers tried to quiet them while waiting in line.
"Ma'am? Miss?"
I looked up. "What? Oh, sorry." I took the money and put it in my wallet. "Thank you."
"Have a nice day."
On the way home I went through a mental checklist of everything I needed. I was so lost in thought that I didn't realize someone was behind me until I was grabbed from behind and pulled into an alley behind a building.
"What the fuck is going on?" I yelled.
"Shut up! Hold her."
My arms were suddenly pulled roughly behind my back and held there. I looked around and saw a group of six or seven guys in a circle. None of them looked familiar in the darkness of the alley. The one who told the guy to hold me spoke up first.
"So where's your man? Did he run away like the chicken shit he is? I told you he was scared." He said to the group.
DJ.
He turned to me again. I tried to not to show any fear of these jerks but I had never seen them get really angry. Or seen what they would do when they did.
"Don't worry, we're not gonna hurt you. We just want you to tell that ass to stay wherever the hell he is, 'cause if he comes back we'll get him. That's a promise." The rest of the group nodded in silent agreement.
"Fine." I said, trying to sound calm though inside I was shaking. "Can I go now?"
He stared at me a minute longer and then with a slight noed, I was realeased. Gathering my fallen things I walked out then ran.
* * * *
"It's 8:00, time for 1-hour of oldies on..."
CLICK!
"There's nothing on," I said to myself. I had been trying to keep busy, to keep my mind occupied so I wouldn't have to think about what happened in the alley of the building...or what I would say to Daniel when I saw him. I looked out the window and sighed. I started singing.
"Millionaire say, got a big shot deal..."
"504 Vernlon Ln. Ave. Where the hell is..."
HONK!
"Ohhh...bite me." I mumbled.
I had been driving for hours and still hadn't found his house. At the same time I had missed being rear ended twice, been honked at six times and was ready to hurt someone.
"500....502....504, finally." I breathed. As I turned into the driveway I looked for Daniel's car. I didn't see it. Getting out of the car I studied his house. It was pretty. Big, two storeis, with what I called a wrap-around porch, blue and white shutters, nicely trimmed lawn. Cute.
I stepped up to the porch and walked to the door. I raised my hand to knock. The door opened. I smiled.
"Hello Daniel."
