My world is different
But how? and when?
Did it all take place?
The phrase "friends will come and go"
was proven to me this year
Death came for a visit
it was scary
Dying so young, with your life left unlived
All your dreams and hopes washed away
your family and friends left with pain
I imagined my family and friends
Painful thoughts
Three strikes I'm out
in the dating game this year
"I'm sorry" is what I heard
Yes, we all are in one way or another
The back of peoples heads has become familar
as they walk away
and don't look back
Am I reallly all that funny when I make them laugh?
Do they enjoy being with me?
I wonder if I'm a good person
Do I care enough for him and does he know it?
I voiced my opinions of paper
only to be ignored
But it felt good to have my name in print
Will I ever have enough confidence
to speak in front of them?
My heart races at the thought
I hurt myself for attention...maybe
I was never quite sure
For attention or to know how he felt?
To know how he felt or just to cause pain?
I confuse myself, even though it's all clear
Poetry and stories are my outlet
But am I good at it?
I doubt myself too much
But I can't help it
I'll work on it though...or try to
Diary is almost finished
One more page to go and it's done
Three years of thoughts
Why do I feel like something else is ending?
Maybe something is
It's amazing all this happened
and I'm just a year older.
April 20, 2000
