| I Love You to the Bones The first time I found out what he had been going through, I found him huddled in the corner of his room on the floor. The house was dark, only one or two lamps on and was extremely cold. I made my way to his room and knocked once then walked in. As the rest of the house was, his room was dark. The bed to the left was slept in and unmade, the nightstand beside it stood undisturbed. On the right the small desk looked very much the same as the nightstand with dresser across from it. Beside the nightstand, against the wall, I saw a huddled shape. "Dean?" Rustling and a head lifted. In the dark, the only thing I could make out was the blonde in his hair. "Go away." Finding the light on the dresser I flipped the switch. Yellow light poured out, dimly, but enough to see. Dean had curled up into a ball and was situated on the floor between the wall and the nightstand, dressed in only a gray pair of pants and a black T-shirt. His feet were bare and his unkept hair fell into his eyes, making him look beautiful but also full of hurt at the same time. I made my way over and knelt down in front of him, brushing his hair out of the way. "Don't touch me, please" He asked softly. My hand recoiled, hurt. "What's wrong?" "Nothing. Leave. I don't want you to-" "To what?" -see me like this. "Nothing." I sighed quietly and took his hand, cold as ice, and tried to look him in the face. He looked up briefly then turned away, but not before I saw the pain there and the emptiness. "What's wrong?" "Everything," he replied, "but I don't want to talk about it, so leave." He looked up and I saw the tears on his face. "Please?" Unsure of what to do I just sat there. I didn't want to leave, but I didn't want to upset him anymore either. "Alright." I stood up and adjusted my coat then walked out of the room, away from him. Halfway down the staircase I head music from his room loud and strong, a CD that had been paused. I recognized it as "Ana's Song" as I stopped and listened to the lyrics: and you're my obsession I love you to the bones and Ana wrecks your life like an anorexia life... "-and ana wrecks your life," I sang along quietly, "like an anorexia life...an anorex- anorexia life...oh my god." The room began to blur as my eyes filled with tears. Anorexia! My mind began to flash scenes in my head; Dean, alone in the house during the summer with jeans and a sweater on, the refrigerator empty alot of the time with only a few pieces of fruit and some water and juice, his thin body and his eyes - in his eyes it was there: help! I spun around, bolting up the stairs to his door. "Dean, Dean!" The door opened up easily and I stepped inside. He was where I had left him, his face turned to me. "Help me." |
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