written by Russell T. Davies; produced by Phil Collinson; directed by James Hawes
The visuals of the planet are stunning, but this is a sequel to The End Of The World and as such the writing is back in poor-man�s-Douglas Adams mode, straining at the bounds of Russell T. Davies�s straightjacketed concept (we travel through space at last! To Earth!) and establishing that, for the next forty-five minutes the Doctor and Rose exist in a comedy universe. It�s important to vary the tone (I like the darker stories but there can be too much of a good thing, and they require (and receive) some sort of validation) but I feel that fundamentally the core of the series should be consistent at least within the same season, and it�s hard to reconcile a desperate crew trying to survive around a black hole with grass which, for no good reason, smells of apples.
The End Of The World had good moments though and it�s nice to see some of its better elements reprised, like the spiders. Zoe Wanamaker puts in a good performance as Cassandra � in fact she�s so good that I almost forget there�s no real grounds for a sequel at all, other than Davies milking his own ideas for all they�re worth. It�s a good and inventive idea though to have the villain not be responsible for the plot, but instead investigate it along with the heroes.
The �bit rich� line is an example of the metafiction that this episode features so much � it isn�t a joke that�s in any way part of the story itself, but is instead a trick of the editing that�s only understandable as part of a TV show � as a consequence we are reminded that it�s just a TV show, and what engagement there has been so far is lost. This episode feels fake; no effort is made to make its concepts plausible, and they are instead presented just to add to a sense of zaniness. Why are the nurses giant cats? Because. Why does the grass smell of apples? Because anything goes. These things are a secondary consideration to Davies. What matters most to him is that the characters get lots of emotional scenes, even though by removing the credibility of the context around them such emotion falls flat and feels inappropriate.
It�s nice to see the Face of Boe again, and David Tennant is good in his scenes with it; his quiet, introspective moments are the only times he really feels like the Doctor for me instead of a crazed schoolboy who�s along for the ride instead of providing it. Rose is also good in this episode, as Billie Piper�s characterisation is still clinging to the last vestiges of her likeable season one persona, when I would have put her up with the very best companions. Unfortunately my enjoyment of her scenes now is marred by the knowledge of what she will become. Her overt-the-top performance as Cassandra works in this episode precisely because it feels so fake � for the whole forty-five minutes I never feel like I�m doing anything other than watching a television programme � it seems strange to say it, but her acting as Cassandra works because of the very thing that holds the episode back: its lack of integrity.
The Duke of Manhattan�s (ha! America has royalty! Oh Mr Davies, what a biting wit you are) disease is a good set up, and the sense of mystery that it creates brings the episode into some steadier ground. If only the episode focussed on this more it could be greatly improved. Unfortunately, being a Davies episode, what actually happens is merely window dressing for the simpering lead duo, and a potentially very good scene is followed by the possessed Rose snogging the Doctor. The funny thing is that I don�t really have a complaint about it � it could have brought the episode down, but it isn�t mentioned again ever and so doesn�t impose itself on the narrative. Tennant�s reaction to it is a nice moment of his, but I can�t help but wonder why it was done in the first place. These will-they-won�t-they moments are akin to poking the big dog of conservative fandom with a pointy stick; are the purists supposed to be up in arms? Are the new fans supposed to cheer that Doctor Who is taking on certain characteristics of every other science-fiction series to emerge since the late 1980s? The whole thing just feels pointless.
I don�t really like slating this episode as it isn�t really a turkey, but it is completely misconceived and fires blanks as the first episode. The discovery of the plague-zombies brings out the limits of Tennant�s range (throughout the series he flicks between zany and angry like he�s got a switch on his back), and it shows up another common fault of Davies�s writing: his expectation for the audience to emote for something with no credibility. The idea of humans being grown for research is a genuinely awe-inspiring concept but the edge is taken away by the episode�s lack of believability, and while the mixing of different styles can work very well they only do so when they are fitted into a context that allows for them all; with Davies humour and pathos are like oil and water. Even so, in all fairness I should say that on the whole the indulgences of series one are toned down in the second series (with the exception of Love & Monsters). No guns are produced from anyone�s anus this series (I�m tempted to add �only the occasional script�, but that�d be crude of me, wouldn�t it?).
There is still room for a bit of a moral quandary � the Sisters do not see themselves as evil � but this is all blown apart by yet another new-series fault: the insistence of shoving self-evident moral messages down the viewer�s throat. Here we have �genocide is bad� (thanks Russell!). Asinine though that is, it�s not what really offends about the scene. What grates is that morals now are in such black and white terms (even though Davies has banned the word �evil� from scripts for precisely the same reason). When the Brigadier takes matters into his own hands at the end of Doctor Who And The Silurians the Doctor is clearly disgusted by his behaviour, but he never demands that of the audience and therefore allows the scene to remain intelligent and unpatronising; the audience are expected to come to the same conclusion perhaps, but by their own means. Not so here: in New Earth it�s laid on so thick that there�s no room for thought at all. Apparently there�s �no higher authority� than the Doctor, and your morality as a viewer is defined by the extent to which you agree with him. Odds are you will (as I�ve said, �genocide is bad� is philosophy for the under-sixes), but that isn�t the point. Coming to a conclusion is very different to being told what conclusion to make.
The episode hits a further rut when the zombies are released; it�s annoying that an episode that needs more time spent on plotting instead is padded out with running up and down corridors. They can get away with this in a ninety-minute story, but I would expect single-parters to be tighter.
Cassandra having the ability to glide from one mind to another would seem implausible in an episode with any pretence to depth, but here I�ll let it go. Tennant�s �possessed� acting is an absolute low-point though, and this episode�s cringe-moment. The original series was never this camp; it may look camp in places, but its credibility was maintained by (a handful of episodes excepted) a basic integrity, camp never being an intrinsic part of it. When Rose/Cassandra tells us the zombies just need love, rather than caring I wonder if the programme has ever been so twee.
All of which is wrapped up with Davies�s trademark pathetic anything-goes resolution; in a scene which became notorious in fandom very quickly, the Doctor cures every single disease with a few bags of coloured water, a supposedly oral solution that nevertheless works sprinkled in a light mist; the recipients then obtain magic healing-hands powers to cure all the others. It�s somehow appropriate that their pustules instantly dematerialise rather than actually heal. I don�t expect science that holds up in real life, but I do expect resolutions that hold up within the show. It�s a favourite accusation by those who have a problem with criticism of the new series that plot criticisms come from those who want to see a return to the days of technobabble and scientific advisors; this is a wholly fatuous position. I don�t expect the Doctor to cure the sick while reading an article in The Lancet, but I do expect a little more than �wooooooo! We�re a hundred-and-sixty times beyond the span of human evolution so far and I can cure the sick with bags of juice! Wahey!� It�s worse than the resolution to Spearhead From Space where the Autons are defeated by a box with some wires on it. At least boxes and wires actually exist, unlike bags of magic cure-all juice.
The Face of Boe�s scene is enigmatic, it�s true; until the Doctor starts going on about how enigmatic it is, when it just becomes overcooked. Sometimes I wonder if Davies thinks his audience is stupid; �that is textbook enigmatic�, he says. First draft enigmatic, more like. Then of course Cassandra, the character who�s been so desperately trying to extend her lifespan, decides it�s time to die in a single line of dialogue with no build up whatsoever. Characterisation is normally Davies�s saving grace, but this is some of the worst development in the programme�s history, a complete flip-flop of orientation. At least the last scene just about works, largely due to the charisma and skilled acting of Sean Gallagher as Chip.
It�s a mild surprise that I actually managed to find more than a few paragraphs to say about New Earth; it has so little to offer. It wouldn�t be so bad if it didn�t worryingly set the tone for the rest of the run, even though very little of what comes after falls below the three-star boundary. After the second series ended I proudly announced to those that consider anything less than top marks to be a negative rating that nothing this series scored less than average from me; while I�m no hater I think I�m going to have to review that policy now that I�m revisiting series two as a whole. There are far worse episodes than New Earth, but that only helps it a certain amount. It�s poorly constructed and badly misconceived, missing the bar on almost every level � series two gets off to an uninspiring start.
Overall: **
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