Station Manager Wisely Rejects 80's Radio Show Idea

-CONWAY SC-

 Coastal Carolina University radio airwaves have been spared the  annoyance of having to listen to Kristin  Shell and Ashley Lariccia,  at least for this semester, thanks to the intervention of WCST 93.5  station manager, Brian Shanks.

 Shell and Lariccia, freshmen and newfound dorm buddies, signed  up for a chance to get a radio show at the station's sign-up table at  Rush. At the first radio meeting of the year, both were excited about  the prospects of a Friday night 'Totally 80's Radio Hour.'

"It'll be exciting to learn the controls and to talk over the airwaves, and to play The Safety Dance song or Motorin' at the end of each show," Lariccia was overheard saying.

At an instruction session with Shanks, the girls told him that they would like to do an 80's radio format, filled with occasional quotes from killer 80's movies like Top Gun and The Princess Bride.

Shanks, seeing where the act was going, wisely sabotaged the girls' novelty radio show idea.

"I heard them mention they wanted an 80's format, and I was a bit skeptical. I mean, they don't look like the type who know a lot about 80's music...they just look like they hang out at the mall or tan a lot. I'm sure they don't know much about the music aside from the crappy 'best of 80's dance-ish' CDs that are sold at HMV," said Shanks.

After further investigative questions about the genre, Shanks found out that they knew nothing of The Cure, The Talking Heads, or The Human League, and only a trivial amount about Duran Duran. Talking down at their 80's music knowledge level, Shanks also found that they didn't even know Mr. Mister had a second radio single, Kyrie.

"I had to pull the plug on this one fast," said Shanks, "so I told them that we didn't have a lot of 80's catalog in our playlist. Of course that's a lie, but they're not going to recognize the J. Geils Band CD on the shelf, unless I pull it out, play Angel Is A Centerfold and get their 'oh yeah, that's that one song' reaction.

Shanks hopes that the situation will work itself out, with the girls losing interest after a few shows doing a modern format.

Ways To Eat A Bull's Testicle

• Just honk into it like an apple.
• Uncoiled, and then sucked in like spaghetti (an oddly romantic reinactment of the Lady and the Tramp restaurant scene can be done with your partner).
• Breaded, to give the appearance of fried ice cream.
• Carmelized, refer back to apple suggestion.
• With fondue inside a candle-lit grotto.
• Whatever way the Chinese businessman pays you to eat it to ensure its aphrodisiacal powers work.

Local Man Thinks Up 'Totally Cool' Fake Name

-EVANSVILLE IN-

Recent university graduate Joel Blanda thought up a really cool fake name the other day.

The engineering major from Southern Illinois University decided that "Arthur Riddick" would be a hilarious name to use for various fake name purposes.

Expounding, Blanda commented, "I wish I would have thought of it when I was 17 because I could have put it on my fake i.d. instead of Norris Blatch...I guess I could use it for, um, signing fake registry names at weddings and highway rest stops? Naw...sending junk mail to my friends' houses? Ya, that sounds good. When they say, 'who is Arthur Riddick?', they'll find out that by saying it fast enough, they'll get 'arthritic'."

Blanda replied, "That would be sweet!" to the idea of mailing the suggestion to a Simpsons writer in hopes of having it used in a patented Bart crank call to Moe the Bartender.

"I could just picture Moe saying, 'Is there an Arthur Riddick here?' and getting a wave of laughter from Homer, Barney, Carl and Lenny, along with the combover guy and the one with the vest, glasses and hat like that truck driver in Smokey and the Bandit," said Blanda.