Vanity License Plate Undecipherable

-TOWSON MD-

Harmony Wendtsel's personalized license plate is undecipherable, according to friends and various drivers.

The 34-year-old pediatrician's license plate reads "HRM31KD".

Asked to explain her plate, Wendtsel delineated, "The first three letters are for 'Harmony', the two numbers stand for my undying love for the Baskin-Robbins corporation and their quality ice cream, and the last two letters clearly illustrate that I work with children for a living."

Friend and fellow apartment tenant Josh Johanssen commented, "Sometimes I like to check out her BMW Roadster while I walk to my car in the garage. One time as I was doing that, she came and got in her car. She saw me admiring and mentioned her new license plate very proudly. I thought it was just a regular plate. Then I lost any sexual attraction that I previously might have had for her."

No friend, acquaintance or relative has had sufficient tact to tell Wendtsel that the plate looks exactly like a normal plate that could have been purchased at a cheaper rate.

Acquaintance's X-Mas Letter Thrown Out

-OLEAN NY-

After cleaning a pile of assorted papers and newspaper advertisements off of the kitchen table, Tom Guiler came across a Christmas letter from the Cruikshank family. Smirking at the purposefully-misplaced "Cruikshank Family Newsletter," Guiler began to chuckle slightly to himself.

Before throwing it away, he carried it over to his wife, Sarah, and caddishly remarked, "Remember this laugh factory?"

Sarah in turn held her composure, but couldn't help giggling out a 'yes'. Her amusement was then relegated to a coy smile.

Tom then proceeded to read from the Cruikshank Family Newsletter, an annual account of Cruikshank accomplishments and happenings, in jest to get Sarah to laugh.

"Ahem," Tom imitated in a Beverly Cruikshank nasal perkiness, "George is doing well at Smithington's Box Factory and is enjoying his spare time whittling. blah blah blah...Beverly is writing in the third person to disguise the fact that she wants to brag about her family...and my substitute teaching is going spectacular at Wilson Elementary. George Junior is starting off his PR career in beautiful San Diego at LegoLand blah blah blah, and our little girl, Susie is all grown up and in her second year at Penn State. Our bulldog Winston is enjoying a long life and is getting used to his new diet that makes him eat more vegetables. He enjoys riding in George's truck to and from vet appointments. gee..."

Unable to contain herself at Tom's comedic reading, Sarah began laughing loudly, also prompting Tom into a round of laughter.

"The best part," Sarah said between gasps, "is the mention of the dog as a family member. If you think about it...it is conceivable that the dog could be their equal. I mean, have you listened to the mindless banter these people regurgitate every Sunday?"

Tom replied, "Ya, that is true, honey. It's a good thing we only have to hear from them once a week [at church]."

He then proceeded to throw out the letter, although he had brief thoughts of writing his commentary in red letters inside the margins and laminating it.