A friend of mine gave this to me, I thought it bears repeating. I don't know who wrote it or if it is copyrighted.

How to be Miserable

1. Use "I" as often as possible
2. Always be sensitive to slights
3. Be jealous and envious
4. Think only about yourself
5. Trust no one
6. Never forget a criticism
7. Always expect to be appreciated
8. Be suspicious
9. Listen greedily to what others say of you
10. Always look for faults in others
11. Do as little as possible for others
12. Shirk your duties if you can
13. Never forget a service you may have rendered
14. Sulk if people aren't grateful for your favors
15. Insist on consideration and respect
16. Demand agreement with your own views on everything
17. Always look for a good time
18. Love yourself first
19. Be selfish at all times

This formula is guaranteed to work.