Last week, I delivered a one-hour briefing on "Tips for Thais'' for a multinational company. The objectives were twofold: to stimulate the awareness of Thais in the company to improve their competency, and to learn from each other by sharing experiences.

The original idea was to educate Thais about the different requirements of an international environment. But to my surprise, half of the 25 participants were non-Thai. I didn't expect non-Thais to join the session based on the topic under discussion. However, most of them told me that they wanted to learn more about Thais so they could adapt their working style.

During the presentation, designed to be an interactive discussion, a senior executive mentioned kreng jai. He told the group that three years ago, when he was assigned to Thailand, he read the book Working with the Thais by Dr Henry Holmes. At that time, he thought he already understood the term kreng jai. But after he had worked with Thais for quite some time, he felt in a way that kreng jai was a dishonest approach, and that Thai people spoke differently from the way they really thought.

Eventually, he gradually realised that kreng jai was not about dishonesty but reflected the Thai system of values, based on harmony and a desire not to hurt people's feelings.There is no direct translation of kreng jai, but it can be translated into various types of behaviour, such as being afraid of offending others or being considerate of other people's feelings. The best way to understand kreng jai is by using the following examples.

• In a household, if one plays music too loud, one's neighbours would say "This person is not kreng jai in the neighbourhood.''
• Using another home scenario, for example on the evening of Dec 31, a street resident advises all his neighbours that tonight he is holding a party. He subsequently apologises to the neighbours all night long for the loudness of the music and the partygoers. While the neighbours, in their hearts would say "I don't like this loud noise'', they will publicly say mai pen rai instead.
• Using an office scenario, late in the evening, the boss needs some help from a secretary. But the secretary has already packed her things and is ready to go home. She asks the boss whether he needs her to do any thing. The kreng jai boss would answer ``no'' since his work is not that urgent although in his heart he would like her to help him with some work for another 30 minutes.

• In another example, a sales manager wants to conduct a special sales meeting on a Saturday. He asks his five sales team members about their availability. One of them says that he plans to take his family to Pattaya. In the boss's heart he thinks the sales person should cancel his family's trip, but he is too kreng jai to say it out loud.

Using the same scenario, if the sales manager issues a memo calling for an urgent meeting on a forthcoming Saturday, without first asking about the availability of his staff members, the salesman who made a promise to his family to go to Pattaya would be too kreng jai to let the boss know about his family commitment.

• Then there is the case of a managing director who selects new staff uniforms that are grey. Most of the staff do not like the colour but they are too kreng jai to tell their boss. They all say to the MD, with a big smile, ``It's nice, you have good taste, boss!'' Privately, they criticise the boss for having very poor taste.

Foreigners can easily establish small talk and rapport with Thai colleagues by using kreng jai as a starting point. Asking your Thai friends about examples of kreng jai can help you learn more about the person. In my humble opinion, there is no real definition of kreng jai. It's an unwritten value that depends very much on individual interpretation.

- Kriengsak Niratpattanasai is the founder of The Coach, specialising in training and coaching in sales and customer services. You can reach Mr Kriengsak at [email protected] or at 02-517-3126.