Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the
following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at
100 yards.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at
4 in the morning.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends
want to smash your head in.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay things like thish.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY THINK while photocopying your
butt at the office Christmas party.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants (panties)
anyway.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose
species and/or name you can't remember).
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, more handsome, and smarter than
some really, really, really big biker guy named "Big Al."
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite
sex without spitting.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes
large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy
-Ernest Hemmingway
