How many times have you woken up in the morning after hard night drinking and thought 'How on earth did I get home?' As hard as
you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the club to your house. The answer to this Puzzle is that you used a Beer
Scooter.
The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has
acquired a large batch of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works in the following fashion:
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his
many sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer Scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and
deposits them in their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the passenger's
in-pocket cash is taken as payment.
This answers the second question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?' Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor
safety record and are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries). An undocumented feature of
the beer scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time will be
lost, seemingly unaccounted for.
This answers a third question after a night out 'What the hell happened?' With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT
(Removal of Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order, those parts in time regretted
most. Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another and quite often lost time is regained in discussions
over a period of time. Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the scooter's navigation system to
malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is the TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one
person can apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.
Oh, and last but not least, don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get home from the club in sub-zero
temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt.
-Deep Thought, Jack Handy
