The Improbability of Employment

by

Neil McMillan

 

I have long term mental health problems and have been a user of psychiatric services for many years. Because of my problems I have been unable to work for a long time, and am in receipt of state benefits. If I were well I would love to be able to do a job, and I view satisfying employment as an important part of having a fulfilled life. I did not plan my life to take the path it has, and until I began to crack up in my mid-teens, I wanted a good career as much as the next person.

For years the psychiatric authorities in Aylesbury appreciated that I, and people like me, were unable to work because of our condition. However, there appears to be a disturbing new trend in the attitude of Social Services and the Health Trust, in which they are trying to push psychiatric patients back to work. As yet, no one has tried to push me back to work, but talking with friends at Wings Day Centre and elsewhere, back to work does seem to be the general ethos of the authorities.

My view is that to try and push most long term psychiatric patients back to work is unrealistic, and only adds to the anxiety of those patients. The reasons why I cannot work would be shared by many of my fellow sufferers. For a start, as long as I have been ill I have had a very disturbed sleep pattern. I am unable to get to sleep early, however hard I try. As an 18 year old I would get to sleep at 3.00 A.M., and have to get up at 6.00 A.M. to go and work in a factory. After several weeks of so little sleep I was in a state of near collapse, and consequently lost my job. 28 years on, my unhealthy sleep pattern is more deeply engrained than ever.

Another factor which has contributed to me being unable to work is my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which is one of my many problems. When I have worked in the past the continual checking and repeating of simple tasks made me a very slow worker, and helped me get the sack.

Some years ago my dire financial situation pushed me towards trying to do a part-time job as a cleaner. The start time of the job was 6.00 PM, which meant my unusual sleep pattern did not matter. I struggled against my problems to do the job, and there were never any complaints about my work. However, after I had been doing the job for a while, some of the people I was working with heard me talking to myself (which is part of my problems), and proceeded to make my life a misery. I was called a “nutter” and a “looney” and they made life very difficult me, and in the end I had to give up the job. The stress and unhappiness this caused me has lasted to this present day, and has put me off doing even part-time work.

Another problem I, and many of my psychiatric friends face, is lack of motivation. One of the most serious side effects of long-term Mental Health problems is an inability to motivate yourself to do anything worthwhile. I have great difficulty in pushing myself to do even the most basic things in life, like keeping my bedroom clean, let along doing a 35 hour working week. Most of the time I cannot pursue hobbies I have an interest in, because I just cannot force myself to do anything. Personally, this lack of motivation is one of the most frustrating parts of my illness, and is not mere laziness – I cannot even do things I want to do.

Finally, even if I could overcome my mental health problems, (which I cannot), I doubt very much whether anyone would employ me. If I told a potential employer that I have not worked full time for over 26 years, have no real work experience or work related qualifications, no references, am permanently on medication and have a serious mental illness, do you really think they would employ me?

In conclusion, I would say to the psychiatric authorities that they need to recognise that for the majority of us with long term mental health problems, employment is not a viable option. Trying to push us towards such an option only causes more stress, and adds to the problems we already have.

Inside The Mind of…

The Obsessive Compulsive

by

Mark Sampson

Believe it or not, myself and David Beckham have something in common. No it’s not that we’re both millionaire celebrities/sport stars (I wish). No unfortunately it’s nothing as fancy as that, the thing that we have in common is that we both have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).

Whenever I tell people about my condition, they automatically assume that it’s being obsessive about hygiene. While it’s true I often wash my hands more often than most people (although a lot less than many OCD sufferers) and feel very very uncomfortable if I see germ-spreading flies buzzing about my kitchen (which is followed by guilt if I have to kill them), I often leave my flat in the kind of state that would give Aggie and Kim heart attacks!

The truth is that OCD can affect sufferers in a variety of different ways. A lot of my obsessive behaviour is in my thoughts. I get stuck on one topic in my mind, and am unable to deviate from it throughout the course of the day. It’s like the switch in my mind is stuck on “On” and no matter how hard I try I can’t switch it off. Sometimes, when I’m reading, my eyes will look through several pages but my brain registers very little of what has been written because it’s been busy thinking about something else.

If I have an argument with someone or believe that I have offended them I have been known to obsess about it for days, thinking about what I should have said and what the potential consequences of my actions are going to be.

There have been occasions when I’ve been really upset because I’ve misinterpreted something that somebody’s said, and I’ll end up thinking that they hate me, and that they’ve been influencing other people to feel the same way.  Yet I’m not going to dwell on misinterpretation too long, as that’s the focus of Adam’s article and I don’t want to steal his thunder! J

Also excessive hoarding is another consequence of my illness. I’ve got a cupboard full of second-hand books I’m never going to have the time to read, a computer jam packed full of (legally) downloaded music I’m never going to have the time to listen to, and a collection of second-hand DVD and videos I haven’t got round to watching yet. And yet I still feel compelled to acquire more of them!

Still there is light at the end of the tunnel. I’m pleased to say that I’m in a position now where I’m really happy with my life and my mental health issues are under control. And so what if I’ve got one or two quirks? I like to think that they make me all the more intriguing!!

Mental illness can manifest itself in many ways. In some cases people can become outright delusional, but a lot of the time it is a lot more subtle than that. Although most mentally ill people will not say outrageous things like “I am God”, quite a few may be prone to perceiving things differently to how they actually are.

Of course this is not just true of people who are diagnosed with a mental illness. The media scrutinize every word our politicians and celebrities utter, and in many cases, will read a number of things into the meaning of what they say, which will vary considerably from one programme/publication to another.

Indeed one of the big themes of comedy is misunderstanding, with classic shows like Fawlty Towers using this to full effect (Manuel’s poor grasp of the English language being a prime example).

Yet, even though misunderstandings are common in general society, on the whole mentally ill people are more prone to getting the wrong end of the stick about something than the average person on the street. Having shared accommodation with other mentally ill people, I have experienced this for myself first hand.

Take this example of what happened with ex-housemate of mine. I offered to lend him one of my Muppet videos, and next thing I knew he had reported to the Support Worker that I had called him a “muppet” (which you probably know, can be a term to describe somebody as stupid). Yet this was not what I meant at all. When I got called into the office to explain myself, thankfully I managed to resolve the issue. 

Yes sometimes I find that people jump in on what I have said, before I have even finished my sentence. It’s almost as if they hear what they want or don’t want to hear and don’t give me time to explain myself. And before I know it, I’m attributed with saying a number things that I didn’t say at all.

Sometimes this can be an overload of information. If you’re feeling a bit stressed and overwhelmed with life, then your brain will not be in the best state to take things in. Therefore you pick out certain key words, and then try and fill in the gaps yourself (which has the potential for a number of misunderstandings).

A lot of the time as well misunderstandings can be down to a person’s paranoia. If a person’s paranoia is particularly bad, then naturally they are going to think that everything people are going to tell them is bad news and, as a result, they will read the worst case scenario into what you say. If somebody is sensitive about a particular subject, then they may be listening out for things in what you say that aren’t even there. For example, the person I mentioned earlier who thought that I called him a “muppet”, may have been paranoid that people thought he was stupid.

Of course misunderstandings aren’t just limited to things people say. People can misinterpret loud noises and other peoples’ body language to perceive themselves to be in danger when in fact they are not. While they may be, in reality, perfectly safe, it is still nonetheless very unpleasant and frightening for them, because they see the danger as very real.

Yes indeed, the human brain is a very wonderful and extremely complex organ. And just like most highly complicated equipment, it has a tremendous capacity to go wrong. Unfortunately though, when people  misunderstand me, I can’t call technical support to sort the problem out!

Complex

by

Eve Chaloner

My father was very strict and obsessed with cleanliness. When he shouted at me, I wasn't allowed to say anything back. My parents argued all throughout my childhood, and never showed me any love or affection. They made me feel like I should be seen but not heard, and gave me no help with my education. I got no recognition for anything I achieved either at school or at home and, as I got older, I was stopped going out more and more.  I was an only child and had no one to talk to.

As a result of my upbringing I was very shy and quiet, and wouldn't say boo to a goose. I didn't have many friends at school and generally would talk in class when I should have been paying attention, but I wouldn't dream of skiving off - my  father would have my guts for garters! It was a frustrating time for me because, while I didn't like school, I didn't want to be at home either!

My father died at the age of 63, at 6.00 am on 3rd October 1967. Despite how horrible he was to me, I still got very upset and was in floods of tears. Even though he wasn't around to bully me anymore, my life didn't get any easier because my mother took over where he left off, by bossing me about and making my life hell. One night she even locked me out at 10.30 pm, and I ended up staying at my friend's. I didn't move back in until three weeks later.

By this time my mother was remarried. My stepfather Norman wasn't very nice to me, but I never did anything bad to him to deserve this. He treated me like dirt and I felt more like a lodger than part of a family. Naturally, I got very fed up with this.

My mother chucked me out when I turned 18, so I went to live with my boyfriend, who eventually became my husband. Not long after being thrown out, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my mum this, she said that she knew anyway because I'd started suffering from morning sickness not long before I'd left home.

My mother was not very close to me, and had never bothered to tell me about the facts of life. Every time I went to her with my problems she wasn't very sympathetic or helpful, and would just go on about what she had to put up with from my father over the years. 

If I had any ideas, she would throw cold water all over them.  If she bought anything for me she would leave the price on, so that I would know how much it had cost her. When I had my children, she would very rarely babysit for me, I can count on a couple of fingers the times that she did. Even when I was in my 20s, she treated me like a child. When she babysat for me, she would want me in by 10.30 pm. 10.30 pm?! What person that age would want to come home at that time?! I would think, "Is she having a laugh?! Who does she think she is, saying this to me?!"

She rarely tried to help me when I was in trouble and never showed that she cared for me in any way. And when she did get involved, she played the role of an interfering busybody, more interested in picking faults than actually trying to help. This was especially the case when I experienced problems in my two marriages. While she was alive, she always made it look like I wasn't capable of standing on my own two feet.

Yet, despite all this, I did still love her.

Going through these hard times helped me to learn and develop ways to survive other bad situations I have faced. I started coming out of my shell quite a few years ago. I have a good sense of humour and am a very caring and sociable person. Most of all, I have respect for other people, to me it doesn't matter how old or young you are, or who you are in life, it's what's inside that counts. Yet still there are times when I have had to blank out the bad years, so I can get on with the things in life that face me today. You would think this would be ok, but it isn't.

Now I need to be the person I want to be, and not the person that everyone else wants to make me. At times I have a tendency to put barriers up around me. I should let them down but the question is how? It's very easy to look at a person without realising the problems they're facing within. People can look at me and have no idea how I'm feeling, that sometimes I would like to end my own life or wish that I wasn't on this planet at all. So I carry on covering up my feelings, but I can't carry on going like this - keeping it all stored up inside is not healthy! My favourite song is a tune by Queen called I Want To Break Free, which sums up exactly how I feel. I want to let it all out, let the world know how I'm feeling.

Yet even after the hellacious years with my parents, life has still been very hard on me at times.  All my children have been adopted for one reason or another, which was very upsetting for me. Naturally, I still love them and miss them terribly.

I have lived at my current address for over sixteen years now, and situations there are driving me mad too! I have problems with my neighbours - I have been picked on and bullied over the years and have to put up with the sounds of arguing and shouting. And, to add to my frustratons, the local authorities don't take any notice of my complaints either!

The main help I have had over the years has been the friendship and support from people at Wings. Aylesbury Advocates have also helped me a lot. I don’t know what I would have done without this support. Recently I have finally got some help from Social Services, but I don’t know how long for.

Doctors have put me on anti-depressants but seem to assume that, because of my age and the fact that I haven't tried to self-harm or commit suicide, that everything is ok. But I can tell you, things aren't okay at all. They don't seem to be able to understand how I am feeling. Mind you how can they, when I don't always understand myself. Sometimes I wonder who I actually am. Who is it writing this stuff? Will the real Eve Chaloner please come forward!

The Necessity and Inconsistency of D.L.A.

by

Paul Nelson

 Disability Living Allowance is just that. It allows people to live rather than just survive, lurching from one benefit payment to the next.

The application form is designed for people with physical disabilities rather than mental health,

though an excellent guide to help with this can be found at

www.bhas.org.uk

Another thing that doesn’t help is the high staff turnover in mental health work, which means that supporting letters can be written by someone who has only just met you or who only sees your four times a year.

It can be a lottery as to who gets D.L.A. and who doesn’t, deserving people are thereby denied what they are entitled to.

People with mental health problems can suffer from a range of symptoms; including depression so bad that that is all that you feel, voices in your head tormenting you, feeling so paranoid that you think everyone is out to get you, talking to yourself and sleep problems (which makes everything difficult). All these militate against finding or keeping work. So we are not “dole – scrounging parasites”, we are sufferers from an illness so feared that ignorance, stigma and avoidance still surround it.

We have been denied the normal routes for earning a livelihood and deserve all the help we can get in the full-time job of managing our symptoms.

D.L.A. can make a big difference, usually benefits keep one surviving and not much more. D.L.A. enables one to do more, to buy clothes, to go out, to socialise, to take steps towards getting all kinds of help with your condition; from right diet (why are the foods that are good for you expensive?) to exercise, from self-help books to grabbing a social life, even seeking private help with one’s symptoms and condition.

It would be helpful if the authorities out there would acknowledge that mentally ill people are going to apply for D.L.A. and design an application form reflecting this.

It would be nice if D.L.A. claims were judged consistently. 

The Eccentric Times Meet With…

John Bercow

It is always gratifying to hear when our articles have touched, informed and even amused people who have read our magazine. So imagine how delighted we were when John Bercow, the Conservative M.P. for Buckingham, contacted Bucks Mind and asked to meet up with the Eccentric Times team.

Even though he was pushed for time, we managed to chat to him for just over half an hour, making him aware of the issues faced by people struggling with mental health conditions.  We were all impressed with how Mr Bercow took our comments on board, and that he seemed genuinely interested in the matters we informed him about.  Before he left he even suggested that we meet up again sometime in the future, an offer we intend taking him up on.

It’s nice to know that, in what are pretty bleak times for the mental health system as a whole, that there are M.P.s out there that are willing to take time out to be educated on the current issues that exist within the mental health system.

We would all like to extend our thanks to Mr Bercow for meeting up with us and would like to take this opportunity to encourage more politicians to follow his example in taking a genuine interest in mental health issues. Please take the time to visit your local mental health facilities and speak to the people who have to fight a daily battle against their own mental illnesses, and hear about the issues facing them.

HEY YOU!

Want To Write For The Eccentric Times?

If you’re someone with a mental illness and you want to write an article for the Eccentric Times then we’d love to hear from you. Please send your article either via post or e-mail (you’ll find our contact details on the back page).  All we ask is that you bear the following in mind:

It must be mental-health related (e.g. not about your trip to the seaside)
 

We don’t accept poetry or fiction (sorry!)
 

Articles may be edited for the sake of clarity and space (and if you use any naughty words!)
 

We can’t pay you in money, but you will earn our eternal gratitude (non-taxable) and we’ll all think what a wonderful person you are!

Tranquilized Tim

Self-Assessment Form

It’s a well known fact Jack that mental health services are chronically underfunded. It’s gotten so bad that some authorities are not even able to employ the staff needed to assess patients properly. So don’t be surprised if one day, instead of being seen by a professional consultant, you have to fill out a form like the one below.

 

*All jokes aside, if you are feeling suicidal please call the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90.

About The Eccentric Times

 The Eccentric Times is a quarterly magazine written by the members of Wings Support Centre, a social support centre in Aylesbury for people with mental health problems.
 

 

Comments & Complaints

 
If you wish to contact us you can do so at the following address:

The Eccentric Times

Buckinghamshire Mind (Wings)

4 Temple Street

Aylesbury

HP20 2RQ

 
E-mail: [email protected]

 
We may even include your letter in our next issue, but please note that letters may be edited for the sake of space and clarity. Please can you also mention where you saw the magazine.

 

 

 

Mailing List

 

If you wish to be added to our postal or internet mailing list then please contact us on one of the above addresses.

 

 
We would like to thank

Buckinghamshire Mind

(and in particular Carolyn Smyth),

for their invaluable help with printing and distribution.

The Eccentric Times Roll of Honour

 

The Eccentric Times Team

 (in alphabetical order):
 

Eve Chaloner

Adam Makeham

Paul Nelson

Mark Sampson
 

With thanks to our special guest contributor/s:
 

Neil McMillan

 

A Message From

Tranquilized Tim

 

 HEY BUSTER!

 Want to see back issues of our magazine?

Want to see profiles and pictures of the Eccentric Times team?

 Want to see Adam in his Elvis costume?

 Then visit the Eccentric Times WEBSITE:

 www.geocities.com/eccentrictimes

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