My angel :

If I were to die tomorrow or sometime real soon, and I was asked what the one thing in my life that made my life worth living, it would be that I met you. Why? Because going to school, meeting friends, doing all the things that I've done my whole life, have meaning on some level but not a very deep level. The love I have for you comes from the deepest part of my life and myself possible. It's what gives me the most meaning in my life. And my sole purpose of being alive has always been to make sure that I live a life that has meaning, so that when I died I would be satisifed in that I lived an okay life. Well, my love for you has given me the deepest meaning in my life, because since you are the person you are, you are my soul, my heart, and always in my mind. And I don't say this because I love you, it's the other way around - I fell in love with you BECAUSE I feel this is true.

If I could go back in time, I would do a lot of things differently. I've had a lot of random thoughts, hehe..I would think about if you were my kid, every day when you were young I would tell you how much I love you, spend as much time with you as possible doing things together, take care of you in the best way possible. Well, I was young when I first met you. If I could do things differently, I would have not hidden my feelings for you like I did, but just done what I'm doing now - told you how much I love you every day and done everything I could to make you happy. The truth is, I always loved you just as deeply when I was younger, but I just always hid my super-strong feelings.

The most important thing I want you to know is that we are still young, and I know that in the future a lot of things are going to happen. Maybe one day you will find someone else, and maybe one day I will find someone and have a family, or whatever. But I want to let you know that yes, maybe I'll learn to love someone on some level, but never will there be someone I love with the amount of depth that I love you. Why do I know this is true? Because with you it was the ultimate connection - I am as connected with you in my heart and soul as it can get. You are my heart and soul, and even through being with other people I always know that they have never come close to being what you are to me. Everybody has to understand that my heart is with you because you ARE my heart.

I know that to an extent you have blocked your feelings out for me and every once in a while I even have to do the same because of everything that happened with us. I understand that. But angel I still feel you love me and if nothing else I want you to know I love you too, with all my heart, and you are the most important thing in my life. I would give up everything I could including my life to make you happy, or to show you how much I love you. I know that when I die a part of me will still be living, and it is with you. And if you die, a part of you will always be living inside of me. I even truly enjoy the pain and all the tears I've cried for you because the source of this pain is the greatest love. I get to enjoy and endure this pain because I love you so much and that is actually beautiful to me. And when I am sad or feeling hurt, I still feel so full of life because I know this sadness stems from the fact that I love you more than anything.

I can't believe how lucky I was to meet the person that I see myself in and the only person in this universe who grows out of the deepest part of who I am. I remember I hadn't seen my dad for a while, and I was thinking about how much I was like my dad. I was able to see it a bit more objectively since I hadn't seen him in so long, and you know, in many ways my dad is me - and my mom as well, because they created me; I came from them. Well as silly as this might sound, that's exactly how I feel about you Gary...I have such a connection with you that I feel that you are me in that same sense that I feel I am my parents. It's weird but that is really how it is, and that's how powerful and out of this world this is. Like I said, it's something beyond my understanding.

Gary, you are me - you are the deepest and most beautiful thing I have on this earth, and the deepest part of who you are lives inside my heart always. The deepest part of you, the person you are behind everything that has happened in your life, lives in me.

I LOVE YOU,

Liz