I think this will be my last post until Friday. I will be able to post the next few days on Friday, but not until then. I think that last sentence may be difficult to understand. But I don't care, this is my diary.
I smashed my girlfriend's Ganglion, her cyst, with a copy of the Jerry Seinfeld book... Seinlanguage. It was a fairly easy operation. She had a cyst on her wrist, which is basically a pocket of liquid beneath the skin. These cysts can be surgically removed, or they can be smashed. As you know I did not want to be the smasher... But I gave in after her constant prodding. She wanted me to hit her with a book.
I was surprised how easy it was to smash the cyst. I gave it a whack and nothing happened. Sue put her arm down on the coffee table, I slammed the book down slightly harder. It was broken. I had broken the cyst. My girlfriend was delighted. Don't ever let anyone tell you that I don't know how to please a woman.
I went on the Roger's community station for about ten minutes today. I talked about the new shows and they played a clip. Then I walked down the hall and had a visit with Ray. He was doing a rough audio mix on some of the new shows. Also he was adding some additional footage. He is hilarious. He had been in the station for 36 hours straight at this point. I think he sometimes crashes on the couch. He smells. Ask Ray if he smells from editing too much at [email protected]
I think I have a busy few days ahead of me. Then, next Friday. I am going to relax. I think we are all gonna take-off up to Mt. Tremblant for a few days and do some snow boarding. Apparently they have a pretty good half pipe there this year. Should be rad!
This figure skater I was watching has a real ass on him. I don't like looking at men's asses. I especially don't enjoy analyzing them. But when you watch this particular figure skating couple, the man's ass just pops right out at ya. It is a real eye catcher of an ass if I have ever seen one. See he wears this baby blue suit while he skates. The material that the pants are made of really hugs his ass. Even if you don't like looking at men's asses.... which many of us don't.... It is still impossible not to stare at this butt as it flips and twists and twirls through the air. Figure skating outfits, and the asses in them, have ruined Olympic figure skating for this sports fan. For many reasons: I am disappointed and ashamed of my own ass when I watch these competitions. My insecurity surrounding my inferior ass ruins my enjoyment of all Olympic events. I can not enjoy the events due to the tight clothing worn by many of these superior assed athletes. Speed Skaters, Lugers, Bobsledders, Skiers, they all wear this ass enhancing apparel.
But I feel there is something more. I feel that Olympic organizers are continuing to propagate a hideous lie. The truth is, these suits in fact do nothing to enhance an athletes performance. I feel that next Olympics we should tell the truth, and get down to the bottom of the reasoning behind these clothing choices. As fore mentioned, the skin-tight clothing has nothing to do with accelerating the speed, or cutting down on wind resistance, or any of that bullshit. Essentially, and as any Olympic organizer will tell you off the record, there is a hidden reason. There is actually a secret event that occurs at the Olympics every four years.
It is called The Best Ass In The World event
Olympians, male and female, are observed without their knowledge at every Olympics. They are judged by an international team of ass connoisseurs. When the games are finished, three Olympic Athletes from each sex are pulled aside and presented with a gold, a silver, and a bronze trophy. The trophy looks much like an Oscar, except the character is chucking a moon. Rumor has it that the Canadians have taken the gold in the past three Olympics.
Lets hear it for Canada. We've got the best asses in the world. Gold medal asses!
See ya on Friday, and remember to watch Friday night at eleven on The Comedy Network.
Later.
Tom