I watched a Canadian women's curling team beat the Americans yesterday.  It was pretty interesting television.  I guess they have some wicked microphones pointed at those curlers, because you could hear every word that they would say to each other.  They would get into a huddle and discuss strategy.  Sometimes the players would get into these little disagreements with each other.  They would argue a bit.  It was as if they didn't know that everyone in Canada could hear them.  It was neat.  That microphone that the CBC is using is in fact the only reason I was watching curling yesterday.  And as I watched it became more and more clear that Canadians are pretty damned good at curling.  We were really good.  It also became more clear as the game went on, that I have no fucking idea how the game works.  I'm a Canadian, and I really had no clue as to what was going on.  By the end of the game I learned a few things, and I am embarrassed.

- One person throws the rock, trying to get it to stop on the bulls eye thing at the other end of the rink.
- The other teams person tries to knock that rock away with their rock, while keeping their own rock in the bulls eye.

This goes back and forth for a little while, and then somebody wins.  That's it.  The announcer suddenly just says it's over....  And Canada wins against the Americans!...  And that's it.... it's over.  Here's a couple of other things that I learned when I watched curling.

- When you sweep a broom on the ice in front of a sliding rock, it makes the sliding rock go faster.
- When you don't sweep in front of the sliding rock, the sliding rock goes slower.
- When you yell at the rock in a really annoying voice, the rock goes closer to where you want it to go.
- Some Canadians have really weird accents.
- When a Canadian with a really weird accent is yelling at a sliding rock, and everyone around the world is watching this, then this makes Canadians appear crazy.

That to me is what curling is all about, crazy people yelling at sliding rocks.

I know that we are supposed to be very proud of our Canadian athletes.  But for some reason, curling is the type of event that you would almost rather have your country lose.  What kind of image does that project about Canadians.  "Yeah they are really good curlers, they are also good at cribbage, shuffle board, and bingo."   Curling makes Canadians look like a bunch of crazed lunatics who have nothing better to do than play silly back woods games.

I think even bowling is cooler than curling, and who wants to see Canadians portrayed around the world as a country filled with bowlers.  Imagine if bowling was in the Olympics...  I am sure that countries would deliberately send the worst bowlers they had and hope to lose.  People would not want to be burdened with the stigma of being from The Land Of The Bowlers.  Our Olympic bowlers would lose on purpose, and those who came in dead last position would be uplifted as heroes.  We would be proud of our Canadian bowling losers for ensuring that we as a people were not labeled with this Trailerparkian image.

Bowling and Curling are games... Not sports.  Curling is a game not a sport.  I don't see Yahtzee or Scrabble at the winter Olympics.  Perhaps they will soon be demonstration events.  Curling is for bowlers who would rather freeze their asses off while they are bowling, but because bowling alleys are heated they chose to curl.  Curling sucks.  Curling makes Canada look whack.  Boycott Curling Now!

Boycott Curling Now!

I've got to go watch more Olympics.  I love the Olympics.
I will be in Toronto on Thursday doing Open Mike with Mike Bullard.  I am also going to be on Humble and Fred's morning radio show in Toronto on Wednesday morning.  I think I am on from 8:15 till 9:00 a.m.  If you are in Toronto, tune in it should be fun.  I hope.

See ya tomorrow.

Tom