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It turns out this challenge thrown up to God was to save us from my incompetent human floundering and leave room for the Master to do His work. It was hard� real hard. But God did heal Tanya�s little heart and mine at the same time. I asked Jan Francis, Missionary Care Coordinator at MSUM�s Home Office, to recommend a book or literature that would better prepare me to raise Tanya. She got a recommendation from Link Care, a Christian counseling center, and sent me the book �Primal Wound�Understanding the Adopted Child� by Nancy Newton Verrier. In this book I was to find myself, and my own wounds. I was also to find much of the guidance I needed to help heal Tanya�s �primal wound.� The thesis of the book is that a child bonds with the birth mother in the womb and any separation at any point in the child�s life is traumatic and inflicts lasting wounds. Verrier terms it a �soul death,� leaving the child feeling like they are only half alive. In fact, her research claims that the majority of attempted suicides are done by adopted people�one explained it as only natural to want to kill the body so it can join the soul, long ago separated from him as he was separated from his birth mom. I harkened back to my own experience and how the reconciliation with my birth mother in my 30�s marked the beginning of my functional life. I knew this reconciliation was most likely not possible for Tanya, but I drew from Verrier�s research enough to help direct me to talk about her birth mom freely and address that wound in Tanya�s soul. We will continue to work through this pain together as long as necessary. This battle is not over yet. God bonded us truly together and Tanya came to love and trust both her Heavenly Father and her earthly foster mother. Once the love was there, the rest came naturally. Love truly is the only answer we need�God�s brand of love.
I began the adoption process in the summer of 2002, while home on my mid-term mini furlough. I selected Cradle of Hope Adoption Center, an accredited adoption agency in Khabarovsk, to represent us. They did an excellent job with this very unusual case. After exposing my innermost being to the U.S. authorities via home studies, police reports, finger prints, photographs, tax records, financial reports, medical examinations�, I finally received approval from the INS to adopt a foreign child. My own adopted father graciously offered to pay the bills (up to a certain amount, which happened to be the amount needed, strangely enough), and my dear friends Doug and Maryalice offered their home to be my legal residence and that of Tanya for the home study and for real. I have lived with Doug and Maryalice when I�m in the states for several years now. They, along with �Auntie Holly� also picked up the slack with the many loose ends I had to leave behind. They�re as much a part of this process as I am. What, generous, loving, and faithful brother and sisters in Christ! |
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