By: Brian Austin
I dare not claim to understand
all the pain you feel,
but pain I've known and anguish deep
to make battered senses reel.
Hopeless seemed to be my lot.
No light was there to see,
through endless nights and joyless days
of shame and agony.
My mind believed God's love was sure
but I felt it not at all.
Seemed heaven had turned a deafened ear
to my defeated call.
I longed for death, but sought it not.
I was too afraid.
For God's love I blindly groped,
for peace at Clavary paid.
I knew the words of faith and life.
I believed them in my mind.
But it seemed that God had other plans.
He would not redeem my kind.
I knew the language of the Church,
but it did not work for me.
The songs just mocked my emptiness,
taunted my desperate plea.
I knew the judgment I deserved.
T'was to writhe and rot in Hell.
"But God has promised," I cried once more.
At a bloody Cross I fell.
With no strength left to fight at all,
with will and courage gone,
I wept before that wretched Cross.
I was a man undone.
Unmanly. A coward's game.
But I surrendered on that bitter day.
I've never been the same.
God broke the chains that bound my heart.
He set my spirit free.
he gave me music once again,
set me at liberty.
He gave me cause to celebrate
as gaping wounds He healed.
He poured love into my emptiness,
my aching spirit filled.
"Surrender." Ah, my pride still balks
and to pride I have to die.
It's not so hard when I look back awhile
at the cost of a living lie.
I dare not claim to understand
all the pain you feel,
but I'd turn your anguished gaze to God.
His love and peace is real.
He'll seldom break the walls you build
till you invite Him in.
But He offers what you deeply crave,
peace and rest within
Copyright Brian Austin
September 2001
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