How to stop wankers cramp and carpal tunnel

Wanker's Cramp (aka Repetitive Stress Disorder, aka Carpal Tunnel Syndrome) is caused when the muscles used to grip (located in the Carpal Tunnel of the wrist) are too strong. This causes the gripping muscles to be larger than the muscles used in releasing or opening the hand. They push into the wrong places and cause pain and inflamation.

The most common cause of this development for men, is masturbating. But there is now relief that I thought I'd share with the Internet (a place notoriously full of wankers). The cure is to exercise the realease/open muscles, this COULD be done with excercises, but I've opted to do it with masturbation (absolutely reversing the tide of pain).

You need 1 peice of equiptment, it can be bought in most newsagencies or stationary stores. It is a large rubber band (kinky, huh?). It sounds laughable but it works, and no one's going to know what you're buying them for. They're the kind used in mail rooms. I need about a size 62 (about 19 cm's halfed-length, 40 cms all way round).

Dangle and twist towards index finger.

Hold your hand up, and dangle the rubber-band off your thumb. Take the far verticle and bring it to the front (twisting the band anti-clockwise from the black dotted point in diagram over and towards yours index finger).

Wrap around thumb, with twist dangling.

Wrap the newly formed X over your thumb, making sure there are no knots or flips. It should smoothly contact around the thumb (any flips should be in the dangle, not 'round the thumb).

It should look something like that:

It should look something like this:

Twist it in a way that resolves twists (usually away from the index finger), so there is only 1.

Now to twist it again, there should be 1 direction that creates less twists (usually away from the index finger), and 1 direction that creates more. You want the one that creates less. Twist it in that direction.

Smooth wrap thumb with no twists.

Wrap the flip around the thumb again. It should be able to fit smoothly against the thumb with no twists, leaving a perfectly resolved length of dangling loop.

Put your fingers & knuckles through the fully resolved loop.

Put your the rest of your fingers through the dangling (twist-free) loop. This will create a cresent space between your palm and the rubber band.

Insert pre-errected penis and flex hand open to create grip to masturbate with.

You can now put your cock between your palm and the strips of rubber band. Opening your hand will excercise the open muscles of your wrist, whilst also creating a pressure in the vagina like shape created.

This is what it should look like from a different angle.

This is what it should look like from a differnt angle. Although custom adjustments can be made like where on the thumb you want it to sit. Or whether you want it to wrap around the pinky finger too, or aroung any other fingers.

2 contact points (not as good as 1)

You can masturbate thusly, with 2 contact points. But I prefer to do a little extra.

Add a twist of the resolved loop before slipping fingers in.

If you twist the resolved loop just before putting the rest of your fingers in, you get 1 (tight) contact point. This avoids both noise, and limitations on shaft-stroke.

Masturbate.

WANK!

P.S Different routes through the fingers, can create different pressures.

The Zen mastry of the "open handed wank" is now yours!

Knowing that you're not damaging your body, you can now masturbate constantly!

....if only I could do something about the "tennis" elbow.

Wankers saved :D

Since 02/05/05