2. Jacob Unger - Jacob is a machine...and a huge one. His bulging muscles make women hot just thinking about him. But Jacob not only uses his muscles to please the ladies, but to kick everyone else's tush. He has an uncanny knack for pelting Anthony in the balls from point blank range...quite a talent. This guy plays defense as well as offense. Many are predicting a number one ranking for Jacob with a strong performance in his next game.
3. Joe Ferriell - This will be Joe's first broomball game as a married guy. Experts predict that despite his honey muffin playing on the ice with him, Joe will remain focused on playing his best. The key is that his notorious enemy opponents from the past are no longer members of the EBL. Without these distractions and his usual rough and tumble play, Joe is due for a big game. Has a chance to supplant Anthony has #1 all-time points leader. Plus his wife has big knockers.
4. Anthony Lombardo -- He is quick, fearless (only because broomball does not feature bees or wasps), and balding faster than Jason Chimera is on skates (that's a Blue Jackets reference y'all). He also sucks at similes. Been known to hold back and his recent statement that he enjoys setting up others for goals rather than scoring them himself keeps him from a higher ranking.
5. Jeff Michael - Back and better than ever...or is he? Jeff has been away from the game for a while and suffered the wrath of the league when he withdrew unexpectedly last time the league was in session. Word has it that Jeff has been training fiercely and is anxious to move up the ladder. Note: Jeff gets a higher ranking than Tim because the Chief Rankings Official is still very thankful that Jeff took him to a great um, club last year.
6. Tim Davis - Curiously absent last time as well. Some say he has lost some love for the game. An impressive performance for the former #1 ranked sniper could net him a huge ranking increase. But he's a Cowboys fan so he'll probably suck just like them.
7. (tie) Christian and Kevin. These guys will be making their second appearance in the EBL. Not much is remembered about their skill level, hence the low ranking. The EBL has been looking for a new marketable star. Do either of these guys have what it takes to be that megastar? Joe says no.
8. Doug Thompson - He's no rookie, but he hasn't played in a long time. How will such a long layofff affect this man? Will the long drive down from Michigan play a factor? Too many questions for a higher ranking, but a big performance from this dude will show the broomball world that he is back with a vengeance!
9. Jeff Spieles- Highly touted rookie out of Wassion, Ohio. Currently training for a triathlon which instantly puts him in best shape above all other EBL players. Can Jeff's unbelievable endurance (both physically and mentally for liking the Browns) transfer to broomball success? We'll find out!
10. Darrin Knapke. Also making his rookie debut, Darrin's impressive height of 6 foot 8 inches makes him an instantly feared player. Short dweebs such as Anthony (okay so he's the only short dweeb) should stay out of his way. No matter how well Darrin plays, however, his ranking will suffer severely if he is unable to convince his wife to play.
11. (tie) Craig and Mike. Making their broomball debuts as well, not much is known about this duo.
Unranked: Anyone I forgot...and Bill for not playing.
2. Dara Ferriell - It's all about attitude. The EBL is enthused to have a young, bright star like Dara who is so passionate for the game. One of the first to sign up once again, fans are expecting big things from her next game.
3. Eve Ferriell - At press time it was not known if Eve would participate. With Kaylene and Kara already out, it is hoped Eve will step in and show all the other women what it means to be dedicated!
4. Tisha Thompson - She's back after honing her skills in the Washington, DC area and Michigan. Time off from broomball will no doubt come into play as well as the fact that she's still a relatively new mom. But her previous experience with the sport, as experts predict, will allow her to shake off the rust quickly and vie for the top ranking.
5. Amber Michael II - Same name, different person. While it is still unknown if Amber will play, it has been heard that she gets a lot of practice handling a hard stick and balls being married to Chad. It is believed that these skills will transfer easily to broomball.
6. Julie Knapke - While she thinks she's not playing, she really is. She'll be on the ice, no doubt about that. A rookie, but possessing raw talent and a broomball-friendly 6 foot 2 inch body, it is believed Julie would excel at broomball. If she really does play, she will be almost guaranteed the number one ranking...how's that for a bribe!?!
7. Kim? Cyndi? Anyone else?
100 &101. Kara House and Kaylene House- Once mainstays, powerhouses of the EBL. Now they will miss their second consecutive outing. How the mighty have fallen. Last time the excuse was the short notice. This time, with over a month's notice, their excuses consist of things like weddings to attend and track meets to coach. Those don't sound like believeable stories. These gals have just lost the drive. Their fans mourn and hope that they will someday return.