Improve Your Broomball Ranking
Players have wondered for decades about the science of broomball rankings calculations.  It is well-known that they are calculated by an individual known as the Chief Rankings Official (also known as the Lord of the Brooms).  However, his methods were unclear and erratic.  Now, an unconfirmed but reliable source has come up with some hints for players trying to rise in the rankings or simply maintain their current rank.  Please not that these are not formulas for calculating rankings.  They are simply hints.  The Chief Rankings Official is also known to accept bribes and reward players who attempt to "brown-nose."  Following these tips will no doubt significanly affect ranking! 
Tips to Maintain or Improve Your Rank...
1. Give money to the Chief Rankings Official.

2. If you are borrowing DVD's from the Chief Rankings Official, return them promptly joe.

3. Score lots of goals, get lots of assists.  The Chief Rankings Official is offense-minded.

4. Treat the Chief Rankings Official to pizza and/or Taco Bell. 

5. Fix things in the home of the Chief Rankings Official since he is home improvement-challenged.

6. Watch Star Wars movies and hockey often.  Then, strike up conversations about these two subjects. 

7. Flash the Chief Rankings Official.  Please note: this is only for females over the age of 18.  Also, please be aware that players doing this may see their ranking change immediately to #1, no matter what their current ranking is.

8. Play tennis with the Chief Rankings Official. You may also want to try table hockey and ping pong. 

9. Continuously compliment the Chief Rankings Official.  For example: call him "sir" on occasion or say things like "Wow, balding people like yourself are really handsome."

10. See #7.  
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