My name is Omar Fannywampus.
Even though I have no idea who you are, I am writing you
because I am bored and have nothing else to do except bug
you with boring stories from my horrible childhood.
For instance, one day I was down at the rec. center playing
water polo with this guy named Moe, when the basketball team
from the local Y.M.C.A burst in and heaved some great whites
into the pool and they ate Moe and everyone else but I managed
to escape with my left foot still intact.
Another time, I bought this potato from the deli next door
from my house, and I was going to bring it home and
microwave it until it turned black and blew-up just for fun,
but as I was driving home my drivers license flew out the window,
I got pulled over, and I ended up doing 50 years in the slammer
for going one sixty in a thirty m.p.h zone.
That sucked.
-Omar Fannywampus