East Coast Punks: Supermarket Fun
Supermarket Fun
Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get
to join in.
Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
Put condoms in old peoples shopping carts when they least
suspect it.
Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW,
especially thin narrow aisles.
Tell an employee in an official tone, "I think we've got
a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off
and turn the volumes to "10".
Play with the automatic doors.
Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't
seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along.
Walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud
enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"
Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're
taking it for a "test drive."
Follow people through the aisles, staying about five
feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
Play soccer with a group of friend, using the entire store
as your playing field.
As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner,
look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
Put M&M's on layaway.
Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll
only invite them in if they bring pillows.
Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the
other aisles.
Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,
"...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
Toilet paper as much of the store as possible.
Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"
upside down.
When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,
"Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run
between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full
scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
Take bets on the battle described above.
Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
Hold indoor shopping cart races.
Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
Mission: Impossible."
Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me
to your Twinkies?"
Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
Two words: "Marco Polo."
Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet
food aisle, etc.
"Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
When someone steps away from their cart to look at
something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
During announcements over the PA, assume the fetal position
and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.
If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain
that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a
little umbrella in it.
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