Subject: West Side Hell by Megan XFiler Pre-XF HUMOR 5/6
Date: 24 Dec 1998 14:03:14 GMT
From: xfiles718@aol.com (XFILES718)
Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com
Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative

Title: West Side Hell
Author: Megan XFilr

stuff in part one

At six A.M. the next morning, Dana was awakened by the phone ringing.
        "Hello?" Dana's voice was thick with sleep.
        "Hey Morning Sunshine. I got news!" Meg exclaimed.
        "Is it a New York thing to call everyonee at either really late at
night or
really early in the morning?"
        "Probably. Theo's checked in to the six foot under hotel."
        "Huh?"
        "Bit the dust...kicked the bucket...."
        "What?"
        "HE DIED!" Megan sounded like she was announcing a party.
        "What?"
        "He's gone...killed just like Charlene. Get your pretty little legs
down here
to the station...Jen, Fox and Lacey are already here!"
        "I'm coming."
        Dana hung up the phone.

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        Dana walked into the station. Jen was sitting on the entrance desk
talking on
the phone. Meg and her dad were around his desk. Lacey was drinking coffee.
Fox
spotted Dana.
        "Dana!" He called. "We were waiting for you!"
        "Do you sleep?" Dana asked as she was dragged outside into a police
car.
        "What's sleep?"
        "Figures."

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        Theo's body was face down...almost a mirror image of Charlene's. No
clues, no
hints, no fingernail scrapings.
        "God this guy is good," Kuczynski said.
        "What gave you the tip off?" Jen rolled her eyes.
        Kuczynski leaned down. "This is really odd. They always make a
mistake. This
perp knew what he was doing."
        "I suspected that much," Meg said.
        Fox looked at DAna. "Can I talk to you over there?"
        Dana gave him a Look and followed him. "What?"
        "Quite convienient for him to die today," Fox stated.
        "What makes it convienient?"
        "You told me over the phone that you suspected him."
        "So?"
        "And today he's dead."
        "I say again..So?"
        "That phone line isn't secure."
        "What?" Dana rolled her eyes. "Thats beeswax."
        "Hey, its a theory."
        "A rather weak one at that," Dana scrunched her eyebrows.
        "Forget I mentioned it," Fox walked away.
        Dana raised her eyebrow; something Meg had rubbed off onto her. This
town was
weird.
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        Dana was tired in school due to lack of sleep and an early wake up
call.
Walking home, she fell into bed.
        At 10pm, she got a phone call from Fox.  "Hey Dana...we might be
having a
french quiz tomorrow. Remember to bring your textbook."
        "That huge thing, man," Dana whined.
        "Bring it... Night..." Fox hung up.
        As Dana placed the book in her pack, she couldn't help thinking why
he called
her.
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When Dana got to french class, she pulled out her textbook. Fox pulled out
his.
        Ms. Duke wrote the Fait Maintenant on the board. Dana did it and she
realized
Duke didn't announce a quiz.
        She raised her hand. "Are we having a quiz today?"
        Duke scrunched her brow. "No...would you like one?"
        "NO, I was...sorry...confused."
        Dana embarrassedly looked at the class and jabbed Mulder in the
ribs.
        "What?" He muttered.
        "What quiz?" Dana sniped.
        "Gotcha!" Fox winked.
        Dana sighed and copied down the new IR verbs.
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        Dana had just stepped out of the school and was on her way home when
Fox
called to her. "Hey reddy."
        "Oh, hi. Why did you make me lug that textbook?"
        "No reason." Fox smiled.
        Megan popped from inside the school. "Another kid has choked on
dust," she
shook her head.
        "Who?" Dana said, giving a perplexed look towards Megan.
        "Some red head. NO offense. Let's go."
        Dana ran inside.
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        The crime scene was practically empty except for Kuczynski and the
body. Megan
called to him. "Who's the broad?"
        "That's the $64,000," Kuczynski shrugged. "No I.D. But we got an
eyewitness."
        "Never can be happy, eh Sarge?" Jennifer smiled.
        "She's over there, brownose and hitchcock. Have a ball." Kuczynski
pointed to
the sqaud car and started to dial another number on the cell.
        Megan walked over to the older woman, drinking coffee. "Hi, I'm
Megan and this
is Jennifer, Fox and Dana. We're helping my dad out over there. What did you
see?"
        The older lady smiled. "Nothing much, really."
        "What's your name?" Dana asked.
        "Clorinda Rhys. I live down the block. I was just getting the New
York Times."
        "What did you see?"
        "Some kid attack that young lady," Clorinda pointed at the body. The
blonde
hair was spreaddled around her and was soaking in a pool of cakey blood.
        "You didn't want to DO anything about it?" Dana demanded.
        "Honey, it's New York. I thought I was some hooligan. But I decided
that this
wasn't right so I called out 'Hey!'"
        "And?" Jennifer asked.
        "The kid looked at me and ran away. They dropped their bookbag and
ran down
the street."
        "Bookbag?" Megan raised her lip.
        'Yes, the officer has it. Quite full."
        Fox walked towards Kuczynski. "Sarge, can I see the bag?"
        Kuczynski gave him a pair of gloves and the bag.
        Dana made her way over to take a peek.
        Inside was a clean, new notebook, a math textbook and....
        A french textbook.
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        Fox offered to take Dana home that evening. As they walked to the
subway, Fox
nudged Dana. "Fancy that kid having a french textbook, eh?"
        "What do you mean?" Dana asked.
        "Nobody brought it today except you. Why did he, or she, bring it?"
        "Maybe you told someone and they spread the word," Dana said.
        "I only told you."
        "That was a mighty sick joke. My back doesn't forgive you."
        Fox turned serious. "I told you. Over the phone."
        "I remember," Dana nodded sarcastically. "It was a lie, but I
remember."
        "So how did that kid know?"
        "What's your theory?"
        "What makes you think I have a theory?"
        "I don't know. YOu have a look in your eye. You know something I
don't."
        "No WAY!" Fox smiled.
        "Cut it," Dana grepted.
        "Anyway," Fox thought aloud. "Maybe our phones are bugged?"
        Dana raised her eyebrow. "Huh?"
        "Bugged. Maybe somebody is listening in."
        "Unless you are having some interesting conversations, I don't know
why. The
only convos I have are between my mom, my dad, megan and you."
        "That dull?" Fox laughed again.
        "Get real Fox," Dana said as she stepped onto the E train.
        As they sat down, Fox looked heavenward. "It's just really weird.
The one day
I tell you to bring the textbook, someone else does too."
        "Coincidence, Fox. Just coincidence," Dana assured.
        "In New York, there are no such things as coincidences."
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Dana got home and went straight to bed, skipping dinner again. She realized
her
parents weren't home. A note on the refridgerator read "Dana; we went out.
Meatloaf in here. Go to bed by midnight. Love, Mom"
        Dana didn't eat. She just went to bed.

        She didn't hear the phone ring and the answering machine pick up.
        "Hi, you've reached Dana Scully's machine. Please leave a message
and I'll get
back to you when hell freezes over. Thank you."
        BEEP!
        Three digital tones.
        BOOP! BOOP! BIP!
        "You have 1 messages." the electronic voice called.
        The message played back. "Hey Dana. It's Missy. Stop by Barnes and
Nobles
tomorrow after school. Get me Jane Eyre. I'll love you for it. Ciao!"
        BEEEEEEEEP!
        The line went dead.

        Dana never heard this. She didn't know that someone had just checked
her
messages.
        Damn the digital age.

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        The next morning, Dana went to school. Fox didn't.
        He spent the whole morning with a 'friend.' After school let out, he
called
Dana.
        No answer.
        "Hmm, Melvin. She isn't in," Fox said as he hung up the phone.
        "She probably has a life, Fox," Melvin said as he started to put
together the
phone he had just dismembered.
        Melvin Luther Frohike was over Fox Mulder's house to look for bugs.
Melvin was
a mere five foot one inch tall with silver glasses and a bulldog face. His
brown hair was thin and flat but inside that skull was a brain with a knack
for
bugs and an affinaty for pornography.
        Fox laughed. "I know. And call me Mulder."
        Melvin shrugged. "Why? Do I ask you to call me Frohike?"
        "I would if you asked."
        "very funny. This phone is clean," Melvin announced as he snapped
the cover
back on. "ONly one phone left but I don't see any bugs yet, Fox."
        "You never know. How's Ringo?"
        "Probably listening to The Band Formerly Known As The Huh's. I have
NEVER
heard of any of those bands."
        "They have names like Print Me Fine," Fox agreed.
        "I call them the Dweebmunks. Ringo always tells me that i'm harshing
his
mellow, man."
        "He sure is mellow," Fox thought.
        Melvin started to pull apart this last phone. "Did you see Johnny
Boy yet?"
        "No, I heard he was studying biology tonight," Fox shook his head.
"That guy
needs a life."
        "And the pot calls the kettle black," Melvin said.
        "Hey. Do you see ME studying bio?"
        "No, but I do see you thinking about this 'Dana.' Tell me, is she
hot?"
        "Melvin, to you, an popsicle is hot."
        "Especially if it's wearing one of those three million dollars
appendages from
Victoria's Secrets," Melvin agreed with a peverted smile.
        "Oh shut up," Fox said, as he glanced through a Celebrity Skin.
        "Oh, you know what I'm talkin' about. The one with the feathers and
the
diamonds and the really, really, REALLY small you-know-whats," Melvin said
as
he pried open the phone. "Oh............man."
        "Just remember you ARE Christian."
        "Not that."
        "What then?"
        "Fox Mulder, you wanna see a bug?"
        Fox looked up. "What?"
        "A 539 point boinger. More commonly known as Lawyer's Trick. Damn,
gets BOTH
side of the conversation."
        "How did it get there?" Fox said, as he twirled the the green and
white
computer chip.
        "Inserted, probably. Manual installation my guess," Melvin shrugged.
        "Damn, I got to tell Dana. I'm going to her house."
        "Hey! Don't I get to meet her?" Melvin pouted.
        "I don't think she's ready to meet you. She's never seen Times
Square," Fox
shook his head *again*
        "Come on, I found the bug. Let me see how hot she is," Melvin
pleaded.
        As Fox nodded and Melvin grabbed his coat and they left the
apartment, Fox
stated, "I never said she was 'hot'."

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Fox knocked again.
        No answer.
        "Come on Fox. Hitting that door for the eighteenth time is just
giving your
knuckles a one way ticket to County General." Melvin smiled. "Just pick the
lock."
        "PICK THE LOCK? Are you of your mind?" Fox almost slapped Melvin.
        "Fine, I'll do it."
        "If you insist," Fox laughed.
        Three minutes later, Fox looked around the Scully's family living
room. Melvin
walked over to a photo on the piano. "Which one is she?"
        Fox pointed to the younger red head in the black dress. "That one."
        "She is sooooo HOT!" Melvin spreaded.
        Fox slapped Melvin. "I leave messages on her personal machine. Let's
see if
she has some bugs."
        Melvin followed Fox as they walked into Dana's bedroom. The white
carpet and
black dress for the bed, with red pillows and a mahogeny desk, made even
Melvin
gape in shock.
        "She is REALLY, REALLY HOT!" Melvin said, as he fell on the silk
cover.
        "Get off," Fox said slapped him. He grabbed Dana's phone. "Check."
        Melvin grabbed a nail file from the desk and pried it apart. A few
moments
later, he showed a similar chip. "Bingo. The Eagle has lan-DED!"
        Fox looked at the chip. "What can this chip do?"
        "It gets digital transcripts of all incoming and outgoing calls form
the
phone. It also can checks messages if the machine is a digital one."
        Fox ran to the machine. "Is this digital?"
        "Ooh, a panasonic. Yup, it's digital."
        "So the chip-placer could check her messages?"
        "Duh, are you deaf?" Melvin joked.
        Fox looked around. He press the PLAY button.
        BEEP! "Hey Dana. It's Missy. Stop by Barnes and Nobles tomorrow
after school.
Get me Jane Eyre. I'll love you for it. Ciao!"
        BEEP! "Hey Dana...thought you were going to return my call. I need
the math
homework. It's Gary. 555-8193. Later."
        BEEP! "Hello this message is for Diane Scullman. Hi, my name is Jack
Nohlenson
for AT & T and we want to of----"
        "Could the guy hear that message?"
        "About the AT & T thang? Only if they gave a rats a-"
        "I meant the Barnes and Noble thing."
        "Oh, yeah."
        "So...they know she's there."
        "Inferringly."
        "So they could kill her there since they know?"
        "If the chip planter watched the Rainmain too many times."
        "Bingo. Oh SHI*!"
        Fox ran out and got into his car. "I gotta help her."
        Before Melvin left, he looked around one last time. "Man, she is
REALLY REALLY
REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY--"
        "Are you coming man?"
        "--REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY--"
        "Come now or I'll leave you behind."
        "Fine...--REALLY REALLY REALLYREALLYREALLY HOT!"
        Melvin jumped into the car.
        "I mean that!"

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