Subject: West Side Hell by Megan XFiler Pre-XF HUMOR 3/6
Date: 24 Dec 1998 14:03:32 GMT
From: xfiles718@aol.com (XFILES718)
Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com
Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative

Title: West Side Hell
Author: Megan XFilr

stuff in part one

Jennifer was a wild driver. Dana's head ended up in the window a few times.
        Parking infront of a tall apartment building in lower Soho, near
Greenwich,
Jennifer broke with a start. She got out as Megan climbed gracefully out and
held the door for Dana. A valet appeared asking, "Miss Kaye, park it?"
        "Sure, John." Megan nodded. "Thanks."
        The valet raised his cap cover and got in. Jennifer sighed and
breathed in.
"Ah...bus fumes."
        Dana smiled. Jen and Meg waltzed in the lobby.
        The ceiling was tall with a glass chandelier and the marble floor
and wall
tiles echoed with ever click of their heels. The couches were pure leather
and
had mahogeny coffee tables. The elevators had large circulatory gold numbers
and silver plated doors.
        "Woa, this place is great!" Dana exclaimed.
        "Yeah, aint it?" Meg snorted. "I feel so Seinfeld-ish."
        "The rent has to be skyrocketing!" Dana turned around with her arms
wide in
the large room.
        "Not really, NYC pays for it. My dad works for them. No big deal."
Megan smiled again.
        Jen snorted in a humourous disgusted manner. "Yeah, this kid is
spoiled. Wait
till ya see the apartment."
        Walking towards the farthest elevator, they waited until the
elevator came
down. As the door slid open, Megan stepped in and pressed 48. Dana and Jen
stood inside as the elevator made its ascent.
        Jen leaned against the bar and seat that was on the back wall. "The
ELEVATOR
is bigger than my room."
        "So?" Megan smiled another crooked-tooth-smile.
        "SO...." Jennifer rolled her eyes. "Meg, god, you got a hell of an
average but
you are damn slow gal."
        The doors opened to the 48th floor. The hallway was all black with
white nude
sculptures and brass door numbers. Megan walked to 10134 <<<OFT it IS my
room
number>>>> and put a key in the double lock. A twist and a turn and they
were
inside.
        Dana let go a low whistle. The place was grande and clean. A german
shephard
met them at the door.
        "Sup Morus. Kipluck," Jennifer leaned down to pet the dogs. Morus
was a huge
longhaired shephard, Kipluck was a wolf hybrid. Dana walked around them and
petted the young Pekinese and Jack Russel Terrier. "You have a lot of
animals,
Megan."
        "Tell me about it," Megan said as she stepped around the dogs and
the cats
and...a hedgehog. "They eat more than Jen."
        "And what is THAT supposed to mean?"
        "Nothing. Just add beer to their diets and you got clones of Miss.
Kuhn over
here."
        Jennifer stood, puffing herself out. "Say wa?" Jennifer approached
Megan but
no puffing could make Jennifer as tall as Megan.
        "I think she was joking, Jen." Dana smiled.
        "Duh." Jennifer smiled as she walked into the kitchen. Dana
followed.
        The house had a leather scheme...the couch and all accessories were
white
leather. The carbet was black silk rayon and the walls had gold leaved
patterns
of Greek Gods. Megan walked straight through about four doors and opened one
with a huge Z on it.
        The room's smell was odd...a mixture of sawdust and clementine. The
room's
walls were all black with white lining. The bed was on the floor inbetween
two
desks. A series of four computers and two laptops scattered the desks, night
tables and book shelfs. A large bureau surrounded a small leather loveseat
against one wall. Across from it was a VCR and a television...big screen
naturally. This was all one row. Against the window, which faced the park,
were
lines of fish tanks and snakes and turtles and god knows what else. On the
other wall was a leather bench running all around with shelves and cd runs,
all
across the length of the 30 foot wall. The wall outjutted to three closets,
all
with posters from ER, Noah Wyle and characters from the Z-Files. On the wall
of
the bench were photos, pictures, autographs and a drawing of a dragon.
Scattered among those were TVGuide Ads of the X-Files. And last, but
certainly
not least, was a collection of CDs and a CD Player. Over 200 cds and songs
circulated the large stereo. Dana was overwhelmed. "It's like a dream room."
        "Like hells gate if you ask me. Give me Amish any day." Megan sat on
the
couch.
        Jen walked in, three beers in her hand. "Whens your mom home?"
        A large persian cat leaped onto Megan's lap. "I dunno." She popped
the top to
the beer bottle with her teeth.
        Jen walked over to the computer, pulling the beer bottle cap in
similar
fashion. She turned on the IBM and leaned on the leather desk chair. "This
girl
doesn't realize what type of princess she is."
        "What do you mean?" Megan interjected as a Golden Retriever walked
over to
Jennifer and layed down.
        "You are spoiled rotten, Meg."
        "Am not."
        "You can be."
        Dana interjected, "I wish I had a house like this."
        "I hate it. I like everything simple."
        "Cept your clothing, Meg, eh?" Jennifer laughed a throaty laugh.
        The computer booted and the sound of "Megan has E-mailed." filled
the large
room. The desktop showed a camp photo of Megan, Jen and a few boys she has
seen
around school. Jennifer loaded America Online and waited as the software
reared
it's ugly head.
        "Come on, come on." Jennifer sighed. "I hate AOL."
        "So do I."
        "AOHELL, more like it,"Jennifer cracked.
        Dana laughed. The doorbell rang.
        Megan looked at Jen. "Mom?"
        "Shit," Jen dumped the beer down the garbage shute along with some
napkins and
plates that she had brought. Megan walked over. "Yes?"
        "Megan, honey, it's me."
        Megan opened the door. "HI MOM," Megan said so we could hear.
        "I brought home some...oh hello girls. Jennifer."
        "Hey Ms. Xixetel."
        "Who is the other one," Ms. Xixetel walked over to Dana.
        "She's Dana Scully. New kid in school." Megan explained.
        "Pleasure, Dana. Would you like something to eat?"
        "She came over for chinese, ma'am," Jennifer sniped the words ma'am.
        Xixetel walked over. "You've been smoking and drinking, Jennifer."
        "No I haven't," She claimed innocently.
        "If I catch you I will call your parents."
        "No reason to." Jennifer smiled again.
        "Well, I brought home chinese. Can't be home long, have to go to
that trial
and cover it. I'll see you around later."
        "Mom, can Jen and Dana stay over?"
        "If your Dad says fine, it's alright with me. Cheerio!" The woman
left.
        "God what a whore," Jennifer shook her head.
        "Jen that isn't nice!" Dana said.
        "Neither is she," Jennifer shot back.
        Dana sighed. She looked at Megan who was indifferent. "Who wants
ribs and who
wants sweet and sour chicken."
        Dana grabbed the chicken.

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
        Over two hours later, they were stuffed with ribs, rice and any
other chinese
dish known to New Yorkers.
        The phone rang. Jennifer leaned over. "Yoyosup? Uhuh. Hold on." She
pulled
away. "It's for you."
        Megan grabbed the phone. "Yea? NO! NO! NO! Nay...Naw...NO! Oh f, oh
shit. Dog
doodo! I'll be right there." Megan hung up. "Lacey's hurt."
        Jen got up. "Lets go."
        They dumped the dish and Megan ran out with the keys.

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
        Walking down 54th Street and Broome, they ran. Dana barely kept up
with them
in her heels. They reached the corner of Grande an Greene and turned right.
Megan sprinted to the yellow police line near 51st road.
        Megan ducked under the line. "DAD!"
        Kuczynski turned around, his Riggs ponytail flapping in the wing.
"Megan, did
you get Rachel's message?"
        "Yup, what happened?" Jennfier interupted.
        "Seems to be that some lesbian attacked jumped Lacey and hit her in
the head
with a stick."
        "How do you know its a lesbian?" Dana asked.
        "Tried to kiss Lacey. Lacey described a tall red head. She doesn't
remember
anything else."
        Megan walked over to Lacey, who was sitting in the doorway of an
ambulance.
"Lace, what happened."
        ''I got attacked by some gal who was interested in my in the 3rd
degree. She
hit me but I guess she got scared off. All I got to prove is this bump and a
grab of the girl's shirt."
        Lacey showed Megan a piece of striped cloth.
        "You ok, though?" Jennifer asked, sitting next to Lacey.
        "Yeah, I'm fine."
        A news van pulled up and Ms. Lydia Xixetel got out.
        "Oh, f**k," Jennifer looked heavenward.
        "It's too nasty, we'd better leave," Lacey got up.
        "Come on Dana or we'll be in the center of-" Megan started.
        "Maciej?" Ms. Xixetel called.
        "Lydia," Kuczynski walked over to his divorced wife and mother of
his wild
daughter.
        "What are you doing here?" Lydia asked strangely.
        "Well, I'm a cop and I'm investigating. I'm doing my job."
        "That's wonderful. Is anyone hurt?"
        "A friend of Megans was attacked. She's talking to her-"
        "Megan's here?"
        "Yes." Maciej flipped his ponytail and ran through his hair.He was
trying to
change the subject.
        "The last time you took her to a crime scene she got-"
        "I know. I know. Just chill. Ok? Lydia, she's just here to chat and
ask Lacey
questions. So what are you doing here?"
        "I'm a newsreporter. New York Times wants an exclusive."
        "You aint getting it."
        "Why not, Maciej?"
        "Because this is a crime scene, I have to ask you to leave."
        Megan sighed. "This is insane. They fight ALL the time."
        "At least they aren't doing the 'blame me and kill me thing' like
last time."
        "What's that?" Dana asked.
        Jennfier rolled her eyes again. "Once, when we were here, her father
had to
throw her mother out of the crime scene. They went into a whole thing about
why
he sucks at a parent and why she can't listen to the law, yadda yadda yadda.
Ended up that the luietenant governor had to pry them apart. Meg stayed at
my
house that whole month." Jen shook her head. "Sad to see them fight."
        "I wish they would just kill each other and spare me the misery, "
Megan
sighed.
        "That's awful to say Meg!" Dana exclaimed agaiin.
        "Wait until you see The It's-Your-Fault skit...you're mind will
change,"
Jennifer smiled. "My house this time?"
        "Fine," Megan shook her head.

        "I don't know why I put up with you!" Lydia replied, throwing her
arms in the
air.
        "God only knows!" Mage flew back.
        "I cannot believe our little girl is being pulled around the city by
a
wacked-out cop who cannot keep his baby on a leash!"
        "What is she, a freakin' husky? Lydes, she's 13, she hangs out with
fifteen
and sixteen yearolds and you are telling me that she has to stay near her
*Mommy?* FAN-tastic!" Mage walked away.
        "This is all your fault!"
        "MY FAULT????"
        "If she hadn't gotten-"
        "If maybe you didn't GET involved, this would never happen at all!"
        "You are such a worry wart!" Lydia exclaimed again, her perfect hair
coming
undone.
        "Oh, ok," Mage picked up an imaginary telephone. "Hello Kettle?
Yeah, its Pot.
You're black."
        "Oh hilarious, Mage...just become another Bill Maher."

        Megan cleared her throat.
        The dueling couple turned. "WHAT?" they said at the same time.
        "I know I must be on your mind like a wart on a finger but can we
get back to
the matters at hand?" Megan approached her parents.
        "And that would be?" Lydia asked, hands on her hips.
        "Why Lacey was attacked," Jennifer piped up. "Duh."
        Lydia groaned. "You know, I am so happy those papers will be signed
soon."
        "This may be the first time I agree with you."
        "See you later procrastinator." Lydia walked away.
        "If she wasn't your mother I'd call her some things that you've
never even
heard Jennifer say." Mage shook his head.
        "S'ok. She probably has,"Jen cracked as she walked over to Megan and
her
father.
        Dana hadn't spoken. She was afraid of this family and their
associates. They
were odd.
        Mage shook his head. "Megan, take Lacey down to the station with
your friends.
They gotta take a statement, ya know."
        Jennifer pulled the BMW keys out of her pocket. "K Sarge."
        They walked away as Lacey came up. They knew the drill.

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Dear Diary,
        This town is neat, and all, but the population needs to grow on you.
MY new
friends Megan and Jennifer are really popular and cool, but they are a
little
mature for little ol' me. I mean, they handle things I have only seen on
N.Y.P.D. Blue. It makes me want to avoid all areas of law enforcement and
the
like.
        The kids at the school are neat. I met this shy boy named Fox. I
think he
likes me but his eyes are so distant. I still don't know about his
past...but I
can't worry about lust when Lacey is hurt.
        Lacey Kiernan got attacked. She is yet another friend of Megan's.
Meg's father
is a cop and they are trying to stop this attacker. Meanwhile, Megan has a
personal problem that her best pal Jen and Lacey cannot help her with. HEr
parents fight like two pitbulls in Los Angeles, no offense to Carrie in LA.
I
just hope Megan turns out fine and we find out who hurt Lacey.
        But in NYC, I don't think many things go solved.
        Especially divorce.
                                        Love, Dana.

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        Dana looked over her diary entry. She had walked home from the
station. Lacey
was questioned for hours until Megan pried the investigator off of her. Jen
drived her home where her mother did her own District Attorney impersonation
about school and the like. Dana ran to her room, avoiding her sister who
wanted
to know all about the cute guys in high school, and thought about her new
acquantinces.
        As she dropped off to sleep, she thought about Megan's parents.
        And who did that to Lacey.

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        Dana was early in homeroom. Lacey was a little late, which was
understandable
under the conditions she had been exposed to. Mr. Weiss gave her the once
over,
pulling every joke about lesbian attackers Leno had ever said on Network
Television until Meg and Jen appeared in the doorway.
        "Yosup Weiss," Megan called as she walked in.
        "Oh, look. It's Miss-Topenga Lawrence and her sidekick Corey
Mathews. Which
one of you does Yoga?" Weiss tried to snap.
        "Yeah, that's a new one. Hey why don't you tell the class about that
blind
date last night."
        Weiss blushed. "Where did you find out."
        "Not bright to grab your date to MCDONALDS, eh Chris?" Jennifer
laughed
another enigmatic outburst.
        The whole homeroom started to giggle as Mr. Weiss reached into his
drawer.
Megan held out her hand as he dropped a set of keys into her hand. Jennifer
motioned to Lacey and Dana, who followed them out.
        "Did somebody say.....McDonalds!" Jennifer cracked as they ran out.

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        "Um, good morning." Dana tried.
        "And bees in the knees to you," Megan smiled. "Got the keys, ya
baybe!"
        "What keys are that?" Dana asked.
        "In this high school, the one place that is off limits are the
computer
rooms." Lacey explained, rubbing her head.
        "And we got the keys to the office computer room," Jennifer
continued.
        "Therefore, we have full and total access......" Lacey inched..
        "To the security cameras!" Jennifer danced.
        "Which means we can cut school!" Megan finished.
        Dana was outraged. She stopped in her tracks. "CUT SCHOOL?"
        "What, your hearing aid go out?" Jennifer asked.
        "MY MOM WOULD KILL ME!" Dana was hyperventilating.
        "Actually, it aint cutting. We are going to find out who this
stalker is."
Megan smiled. "Besides, we'll be back intime for lunch."
        "OH yeah, back intime for 'Gumbo Surprise.' Oh yeah." Jennifer
rolled her
eyes.
        Dana tried her Look again. "This is crazy."
        "Oh I know," Megan laughed maniacally.
        "It's the thrill. Plus, I wanna know which moron attacked me, even
if it was a
girl, boy, homo, straight or all of the above!" Lacey yelled.
        Jennifer stopped at the hallway they just turned into. "I'm
looking."
        Megan slid a yellow key into a closet-like door and pushed it. LAcey
ran in as
Jennifer slid by, pushing Dana inside.
        Megan closed the door as she stepped in and flicked the light
switch.
        The small security room smelled like coffee and sweat socks.
        Dana screamed.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
        "What the HELL is THAT?" Dana screamed.
        Hanging from the ceiling was dead rat. Megan sighed. "Another joke
for us.
They know we come in here."
        Megan pulled up to a large computer station with video cameras. She
sat
perched on the leather chair. Jen pulled in near her, ready to help Miss
Hacker
at Work. Lacey just took some coffee from the machine. Above this coffe-perk
maker read a sign: "Please clean out the filter every three years."
        Dana shuddered. She walked over to Salt and Pepper. "What are you
doing?"
        "Well, I'm watching the second level cameras until all the guards go
on
conviniently congruent coffee breaks. Then we shut down the recording system
for exactly three minutes so it's not noticable and we ditch this place,"
Megan
said matter-of-factly.
        "And I'm waiting till I see the Principal walk-off for a meeting he
has at a
perfectly placed time." Jennifer smiled. "God, I love this school."
        Megan took out a cigarette and lit it with a match. She leaned back
and drew a
small drag. "Drag a fag?"
        "Why not?" Jennifer smiled.
        "Isn't that illegal?" Dana asked, the goody too-shoes here.
        "Well, the legal age is 15. Megan can pass for whatever she feels
like so why
worry?" Lacey piped up. "I'd smoke but I got asthma and it would suck if I
died."
        Dana nodded.
        Megan looked at the screens again. "Oh look, it is time!" Megan
said, mimcking
Rafiki from the Lion King.
        On A1, the male, burly black guard looked to each side and quickly
slipped out
of his area.
        On A2, the young white guard looked in her empty coffee cup and slid
off.
        On A3, the old woman was fast asleep.
        On A4-A10, the guards slipped away for a well-needed cigarette.
        Megan typed quickly a series of Alt-Control-X codes and used the
cursor key
several instances. She let out a whistle. "Let me know when Baldy leaves to
take a leak."
        Jennifer nodded. She counted silently: Five, Four, Three, Two, One.
"Bingo."
        Megan hit enter three times. "We got 4 minutes to kick this joint!"
        Lacey opened the door and shut the lights as Megan and Jennifer
grabbed their
bags and dashed out. Dana followed as they all went out a back staircase.
        Running down the stairs, Meg held all the doors until they were
standing on
Wooster Avenue. "Alright, safe."
        "For now," Jen added.
        Dana shuddered in the wind. If her mom found out...
        "Alright, let's go see my Dad. Maybe they found out something."
Megan offered.
        "This is WAY tight, man." Jennifer seriously giggled, if that was
even
possible.
        They turned left and caught the MQ8 bus straight to the station.
They couldn't
risk being seen by a coffee-break guard.
        Megan sat with her long legs stretched out infront of her. Jen sat
tight and
shulted in the corner. Lacey sat like a movie star as she tossled her hair.
Dana settled as she hugged her bookbag.
        The ride was only about two minutes long as Megan pushed the bar
that signled
that they wanted off. The bus slowed and Meg jumped down the stairs. Jen,
Lacey
and Dana followed.
        The bus sped off, if a bus could ever do that, leaving a pungent
odor of
diesel fuel. Megan walked towards the station doors and opened them.
        Dana realized it wasn't as full as when they had come. Only three
hookers
spoke to a detective. Nobody really noticed them, except Kuczynski.
        "Megan, what are you doing here?" Kuczynski laughed.
        "We wanna help with the case," Jen said.
        "Your name's Megan?"
        "How can you get us confused?" Jennifer asked.
        "Well, we found some dish on the perp." Kuczynski sat down with a
coffee mug
as he flicked his wavy hair again. "Turns out the gal was a red head who
permed
their hair. Probably had AIDS, too."
        "How'dya find THAT out?" Lacey asked.
        "Breakdown of the hair. Hey, I'm no scientist. Anybody else you
think of that
could have done that?" Kuczynski propped his feet on his desk.
        "The only red head I know is Amanda but she don't got the spleen to
do
somethin' like that," Jen thought aloud. "And if she's gay, Ellen's
straight."
        "Right. Could be you don't know the jerk," Megan offered.
        "Yeah, but I KNEW the person. It was weird. Ya know," Lacey
shrugged.
        "Well, the kid's on the lookout, asking hooks and pimps, ya get it,"
Kuczynski
sighed. "Takes a real screw up to try somethin' like that."
        "Um, hello? It's New York City. This isn't exactly odd," Jennifer
laughed.
        "I don't know why you're so skeptical," Dana said.
        Megan picked up an imaginary phone. "Yo kettle? It's pot, you're
black," Megan
shook her head.
        "What? Are you calling me skeptical?"
        "Is the sky blue?" Megan said.
        "Is Megan a smart ass?" Jennifer smiled.
        "That defeats the analogy, jen!" Lacey smiled.
        "Hey, hey. No dissin' my kid. I could arrest you for cuttin'
school,'
Kuczynski smiled lopsidedly. "But I'm not. I need you to help me mess some
'pects out."
        "Finally, my talents are known," Jennifer said, punching her fist
into her
palm.
        Kuczynski handed Megan a piece of paper. "Here are some suspects
that they
came up with. All at Lincoln High School."
        MEgan let out a long whistle. Jennife shuddered.
        "What?" Dana asked.
        "Toughest high school in the world. 78% murder rate," Megan gritted
her teeth.
"Even I got messed up there once."
        "Oh," Dana shuddered again. She didn't like this development AT ALL.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
        Megan walked very toughly and sassy towards the black teenagers
leaning on the
fence infront of Lincoln Essense High School. Jennifer walked afoot and
Lacey
stayed behind. Dana stood with Lacey; she had no intention of coming home
with
a black eye.
        "Yo, whishone of youse is Theo?" Jennifer called out.
        A black guy with a pantyhose buttonhat walked over. He was at least
6 feet and
a good head taller than Jennifer, but not quite Megan. His yellow and blue
nautica jacket accented the large blue earring and scar running down his
left
cheek. "Who's asking?"
        "The Pope, you retard," Megan rolled her eyes.
        "Why you here?" Theo asked, raising his chin up and down.
        "It aint for my health," Jennifer stood serious.
        "Youz health aint gonna be existent if you don't step off ma turf,"
Theo
warned, stepping closer to Jennifer.
        "You try and make me," Jennifer offered.
        "You scared of a couple of girls, Theo? Can't get a date so you
gotta knock
one silly before you can lay it down," MEgan taunted.
        A couple of hoots came from the bums near the fence. "Who do you
think you are
messing with me?" Theo asked, stepping closer to Megan.
        "Don't give me attitude!" Megan screamed. "YOu ever try to mess a
hispanic gal
couple o' nights ago?"
        "Why do you care?" Theo asked.
        "Answer the question or you gonna get up close and personal with my
fist,"
Jennifer approached the tall black dude.
        Theo shook his head. "I don't gotta answer your questions. You guys
are a
bunch of white trash."
        Megan stuck her hand out to stop a charging Jennifer. "Listen, punk,
I don't
give a Lordy Mary if you're the Messiah, answer the question or you are
going
to be sporting a nose that resembles one of a Chiuahua. As in Taco Bell."
        "I aint gonna answer shit," Theo insisted.
        "Perfect your 'Viva Gordita' deary, cuz you gonna be takin' Gidget's
place,"
Jennifer said almost ready to give this moron a mouthful.
        "Answer the question or I'm gonna let Jen here letcha have it. I'm
givin' ya
fair warning. I'm also saving you a substantial dental bill," MEgan offered.
        "No freakin' way."
        Megan removed her blocking hand. Jennifer rushed up and lifted this
large kid
off the pavement and rushed him into the brick wall. "Listen Theo, give us
straight answers or you're gonna have Noah Wyle and George Clooney helping
you
into a body cast. Now," Jennifer put a long, index finger to his face,
"unless
you want my class ring impressioned on that sad excuse for a face, answer
the
question. Capiche?" Jennifer raised both of her eyebrows.
        Theo actually looked like he was going to do Accident #2 in his
pants.
"Whatdya wanna know?"
        Jennifer let him drop. "I knew that I could convince you."
        Megan walked over, her job now beginning. "Did you ever try to slip
a Hispanic
gal and rape her."
        "What?" Theo scrunched his face.
        "Maybe if Jen hits ya a couple of times, you're ear's'll start
working." Megan
shrugged. "Your choice."
        "Ok, ok. No I didn't." Theo surrendered with his arms. "I don't like
Hispagals. I like tall blondes."
        "Which sex?" Jennifer piped up.
        "Say wa?" Theo asked.
        "Gal or guy, simple question. Complex consequence." Megan offered
again,
motioning to Jennifer.
        "Gal. I aint no homo."
        "Just cuz you can't get laid...did you ever change yer mind?" Jen
asked.
        "Uhuh. Really." Theo looked sincere.
        Megan nodded. "K. If we find out you were lying, we're going to make
another
cameo appearance that your public is going to never forget."
        Megan turned on her heel and walked away. Jen tried to walk away but
she did a
double take and
        ~~WHACKED~~
Theo in the right face. "THAT's for TAKING my LINE! I see you using 'Say wa'
again and you better turn the other cheek and I don't mean on your ugly
face."
She walked away chin in the air.
        Theo wondered how he got in this mess.
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"Any luck?" Lacey asked.
        "Naw. He didn't know anything," Megan shook her head. Her glasses
fell a bit
off her nose.
        "But he isn't a female OR a red head," Dana thought outloud. "Why is
he a
suspect."
        "He hangs out with red headed gals that are capable of knockin'
Lacey out. He
would know if somethin' like that happened. " Jennifer looked heavanward.
"Whose next?"
        "Nelson Dayvis," MEgan raised her eyebrow. "SAY WA?"
        "NELSON?" Jennifer exclaimed.
        "NO WAAAY!" Lacey said, grabbing the sheet. "How'd he get there?"
        "I know he got red hair AND he's gay but the guy can't hit a tennis
ball."
Megan shook her head again.
        "Well, do we got a choice? We gonna disobey the Sarge?" Jennifer
shrugged.
"Let's go. He's probably at ant club."
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        At the youth center, the group of geeks who joined ant club got off
from
school everyday from 9 to 12 to help out at the hills. Megan knocked on the
door to the Ant Hill Club office, inside the Soho Community House.
        She opened it and inside were ten boys with black, prismatic glasses
with
taped nose-bridges.
        Dana did another Look. They all had suspenders and plaid pants. Most
of them
had pocket protectors.
        "How can I help you?" a young boy asked, sporting a name-card
reading COREY
WILLMANI, PRESIDENT.
        "Wheres Nelson?" Jennifer asked.
        "Nelson? Which one?"
        "There's more than, one, Nelson?"
        "Oh yes. There are six Nelsons, three Minkis' and one Corey. I'm the
Corey."
Corey smiled, showing braces with black pucks.
        "Yeah, I can read," Megan smiled shyly. Then she rolled her eyes. "I
need to
see Nelson Dayvis."
        "Oh! Secretary of Dirt! He's outside. Near the stream. Best dirt for
our red
females."
        "I bet," Dana said.
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"Why isn't it the double rebles themselves Jennifer and Megan. For what do I
owe the pleasure."
        "Cut the...dirt...and...never mind. WHere were you last afternoon?"
Megan
inquired, hands on her hips.
        "Yesterday? After a nice poetry reading of Robert Frost, I went over
to Cafe`
Cafe` to have an expresso. THat is where I was," Nelson nodded.
        He wore a black turtleneck and black tight jeans. His gold glasses
were large
and he wore red suspenders with little shovels on them. He put down the
bucket
of mud he was collecting. "What is all this about?"
        "Nothing," Megan said. "I don't know why I'm here."
        "Well, since you are here, would you like to have a Coffee
Coolatta?"
        "Some other time, Nelson. I have a dictionary to read," Megan
smiled.
        "Ah. I understand. Nothing but the best books, eh Megan? Have a nice
day."
        Megan and her crew walked away.
        "He didn't do it. Why did he send us here?" Lacey thought.
        "Maybe because they have to rule out everything." Dana smiled,
showing a
toothy-grin.
        "OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" Jennifer exclaimed.
        "What?" Megan turned to Jennifer, annoyed.
        "We got three minutes to make it to lunch."
        "Oh f........................"
        They ran off to catch the bus.

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