The Fairy Files

If you've ever tried to get a bunch of fairies to do their job, I'm sure you'll agree that it's more or less a lost cause. There are the Alertness Fairies that fall asleep and need regular dunking in coffee (wouldn't it be easier just to drink the coffee?), the Kiss Carrier Fairies that are eternally getting lost and sometimes take days to transport their cargo only a few miles (by which time you've already met your beloved and given the kisses in person), and then there are the Time Go Faster Fairies, the silliest of all, which have plenty of energy (usually) but will do almost anything in lieu of actually making time go faster for the person who needs them.

Not so long ago, an office worker received an email from her love, stating that he had a horribly long day ahead of him and could not possibly survive 'till night. She, being a sensible girl, called up a gang of Time Go Faster Fairies to send him. They arrived with more than 20 Refrigerator Magnet Fairies, created as an experiment by the Council of Fairies, which they said they could not possibly leave behind. As she had work to do and no time to deal with the fairies, she sent them on their way, Refrigerator Magnet Fairies in tow.

When the fairies arrived at her beloved's workplace, they briefly announced that they had come to make time go faster for him and instantly went to arrange their Refrigerator Magnet Fairies on the nearest refrigerator. In vain he called them back to their work, as they would flirt briefly with his coffee (making it cold) before returning to the other fairies, which, as far as he could tell, merely sat on the refrigerator and looked like magnets. After several hours of this, he called them over to him and told them sternly that they had been sent for a reason. They explained that they had picked up the Refrigerator Magnet Fairies on their way to answer the call, and had immediately re-named themselves the Refrigerator Magnet Test Fairies. He must immediately let them continue their work! Well, at this the man gave up and determined to suffer through his day in the usual way. One fairy took pity on him for a while, and eventually the day passed (although his coffee continued to get cold much faster than his work got done). The next day, he returned to the office to see the Refrigerator Magnet Fairies turning cartwheels around the kitchen (which reeked of rotten food). When he asked what had happened to the Time Go Faster Fairies, they responded "They were talking about going to Australia when Fed-Ex man came this morning, and they all started swooning over him and instantly bought themselves passage in a Fed-Ex bag. Some of them were going to stay here with us, but they got distracted when the others started hatching plans to fall out of his bag in a dark alley."

"Never mind" said he. So if you happen to work at Fed-Ex and know someone who didn't show up the other day . . .

The End

Tim and Meryl's Page of Silliness

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