- E. Al Pants
Love,
E. Al Pants"
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| E. Al Pants ! | ||||||||||||||||||||
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| I MAY NOT HAVE GOOD TASTE, BUT I'M SMARTER THAN YOU! - E. Al Pants |
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| This it the official E. Al Pants Homepage. Al was involved with theatre long ago, then began writing a Minneapolis theatre column and instantly became a pariah. After being fired from the one non-paying job he had, Al has decided to give up writing about theatre, partly out of spite, and partly because he loves beer and chocolate pie and can no longer fit into a theater seat. He tried writing reviews for home rental video but after the first one, he was overcome with intense insecurity and a sudden fear of plastic. He now writes articles at unreliable intervals about whatever neurotic obsession happens to get into his head provided that writing about it doesn't interfere with his acquisition of more chocolate pie. He would ask you to patronize the sponsors of this page, but no one will sponsor him. And don't bother with the geocities advertising, they don't keep track of which pages make money, and all that internet stuff is just crap anyway. Except those miniature cameras. You know, for fun and security? And you know what they mean by fun, don't you? I thought you did. | ||||||||||||||||||||
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| "My name is E. Al Pants and I am a modern American tragedy. I'm intelligent, but my attention span has been destroyed by sugar and television. I am creative, but choose to let my imagination atrophy by wallowing in mass media designed for the lowest common intelligence quotient. I could contribute to society but choose not to out of a mistaken sense of entitlement. I beg for attention because I never got any from my dad. I complain constantly but I need to be heard to be validated. I've had so much beer and chocolate pie, I can barely unwedge myself from in front of the computer, and in those rare instances, it's only to get more beer and chocolate pie." | ||||||||||||||||||||
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"Love me! Or hate me, but read what I have to say. I promise I'll swear occasionally to make it interesting. Email me and tell me what you really think. I will not be able to handle it emotionally, but I will post it if you don't sound like a moron. If you use bad grammar I will make fun of you. And if you email me, I will also send you notification whenever I post a new article or review. Love, E. Al Pants" |
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