I sit here wondering

I sit here wondering
About things from my time past
Questioning how she slipped
Through my iron grasp

I know I have made mistakes
Many harmful in nature
Breaking off was hard for me
But how can I hate her?

She allowed me in her life
And I trampled on her soul
I was discarded by her cold gaze
Never so fast have I grown old

Outside the ring in the rain
I see my life clearly before me
Empty and dead like the Somme
I am swimming in a bloodied sea

Death has come riding hard
My body stays warm, my heart grows cold
I view the world dispassionately
Seeing a black and careless null

The sun refuses to blast its light
The moon will not rise
The crickets cease their string quartet
But the owl remains behind wise

I watch this predator of the dark
Watch and hope he will teach
"Who?" is all he says to me
And this phrase to me does reach

Out in a field, lying prone
The clouds above racing fast and furious
The owl's wise words burn my brain
And leave me more than curious

Thinking of my lonely, lost world
I see how selfish I have been
My mind is blank, my heart stone
When will the healing begin?

I have said I hate people
Blaming others for my mistakes
"Who?" rumbles in my ears
Why have others carried the burden of my hate

I alone ruined my world
I alone am to be hated
The sun shines, the moon rises, I just can't see
I alone am to be berated

If only I open my eyes I can see
View the world in childish ecstasy
If only I took control of me
I wouldn't be so damn crazy

I can see now why I have friends
I may not be bearable at all times
But I show those around me
How they commit no moral crimes

I alone soak up all lunacy
Stealing away all obsessiveness
Living without dignity or pride
Bashful not at my offensiveness

Maturity belongs to me
Only when I am alone
But when I get around my friends
The light is on, but no one's home