*MATCH TWO* NICK RIERSON vs. Maunukea Benard "The Little Kahuna" sits in the ring and imediately gets out as the lights go out and purple and yellow flashing lights begin to cover the ramp while "When Worlds Collide" by Powerman 5000 starts up. And here comes the now THREE members of the Children of Apocalypse, Zach, Dan, and now NICK Rierson, who we'll see in the next match. Well, we saw Nick in grand fashion at Hardcore Homecoming where he helped LAY OUT the Butthole Surfers, Mark and Greg, as part of one of the best six-on-two beatdowns I've ever seen. Very honorable beatdown too. What's so honorable about a six-on-two mugging!?!?! They all went one at a time!!! God, did Daddy's Little Girl hire you for your brains or your.. (The boos immediately pick up as Zach and Dan in street clothes with mic in hand, come out on the ramp and stop right there.) [Zach] Runners, you may have won our match at Hardcore Homecoming, but you payed the price. It could have all been avoided but you had to stick you nose in our bussiness. You had to interfere in our match with the Power Supply. <> [Dan] You didn't show any respect to the Power Supply, you didn't show respect to us. You were the ones who started this whole thing. We ended it. We told you that in times of need, the only ones you could rely on is family, so that's what we did. We brought in the only one who we could rely on. We brought in our brother. [Voice from the back] And unlike Sloan, I will pull through... (The crowd imediately begins to boo as the man dubbed at the ppv as Nick Rierson steps through in ring gear) [Nick] This goes out to all of you in EWC, this is your last warning. You will show us the respect we deserve, you will bow down as we run rampant on this fed. If you do not, you will pay the price, just like the Runners did. So I say to all of you, beware... for the Apocalypse is coming. *MATCH ON* Nick begins to rush the ring as Benard steps back in. The bell rings as Benard is met with an armdrag take down and a whip to the ropes. Nick scores a srop toe hold and rolls into an STF. The ref checks if Benard wishes to submit. Nick lets go and immediately begins to stomp on his head. He pulls Benard up and applies a standing full nelson head lock. Benard eblows Nick in the gut and excutes a Russian Leg Sweep. Nick immediately gets up and is met with some standing dropkicks; after the second, Nick decides to roll out of the ring as the crowd cheers for Bennard who is playing to the crowd. And Benard showing no fear of the newest Rierson to be made known to the world...and did you see the dropkicks on "The Little Kahuna"? Sorry, I couldn't see past that fat ass of his. Is this part of my punishment..that I have to see every cellulite-ridden piece of trash this fed has tonight? For gods sake, EAT SOME CELERY, BENARD!!! Nick rolls in and as Bernard rushes him, kicks him in the gut. Nick executs a gutwrench powerbomb on the bending over Bernard. He goes for the cover, 1....2... kick out by Bernard. Nick pulls him up whips him into the corner. Nick climbs the turnbuckle behind him as he puts an inverted face lock on him and flips over delivering a stunner. Nick pulls up Bernard and sticks him arms out to make the sign of a cross and lift Bernard up for a bodyslam, lets Bernard fall out into a bridging inverted facelock and lifts him up for an inverted Suplex but drops him on the back of his delivering his finisher, "The Final Judgement" and scores a 3 count. WINNER: Nick Rierson, by pinfall 4:12 And this Rierson having enough of the Polynesian Fat Boi, dropping him right onto his three chins. You are a very mean man, Mr. Riker. Hey, if you had some no-talent skirt take over your job, you'd be ticked off too. They want me to be a color commentator? Fine. I'll take the paychecks and just keep spouting off over and over again. They'll regret this. Fans, when we return, the return of "Stunning" Stevie Mauritz ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// -This week - an all=new "Angel", only on the WB -EWC IMPACT for the Sega Dreamcast. Over 40 EWC superstars of today *plus* Grim Weibaq, "Suicidal" Sean Altman, the Savages, and 20 other legends of the EWC -Commerical for the local newscast in your area \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ [Just when things were beginning to go a little too smoothly, "Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit fades on and we are quickly graced with the all-too-familiar face of Mike Powers standing on the runway, microphone in hand. The fans are quick to voice their extreme displeasure.] [Powers] (pauses to listen to the chants) On any other night I'd understand why you all feel compelled to scream such vulgarities in my direction. If I were here to talk about how great I was, or to make fun of another wrestler I'd probably even have to point out how you are the poster children for not testing nuclear weapons in populated areas-but tonight I can't. TONIGHT I come before you a man in danger, a man who is afraid to step out of his own home. I am here tonight to ask for COMPASSION, to plead for HELP, because someone is trying to kill me. (the crowd erupts in cheers and some start a DIE-POWERS-DIE chant) [Powers] At Hardcore Homecoming, that disgusting excuse for a human being, Militar de Furia... (crowd pops big) [Powers] That BARBARIAN switched the normal, wooden, ringside tables, to ones made of METAL!!! It was bad enough that I, a SUPERIOR WRESTLER and aerialist of such incredible TECHNICAL SKILL had to fight in a table match, but the fact that this horrid maniac wanted me to break my neck is crossing the line. I nailed my finisher TWO TIMES and all I got for it was whiplash and a mild concussion--I was LUCKY!!! Competition is one thing, ATTEMPTED MURDER is quite another. So I was left with no choice, when the police couldn't help me, I had to take matters into my own hands. I went on another one of my magnificent journeys, this time to THE BOARDWALK OF SIN in Atlantic City (shudders) NEW JERSEY and found a man with NO MORALS, NO SOUL, the only man I knew of with a heart smaller than Militar's. I brought back a KILLER-a man who even strikes fear in the heart of a lunatic like Chris Monroe, I found my bodyguard...I give you MISTER WP!!! ("Break Stuff" starts up again as a man in black baggy leather pants, black wrist tape and black boots with WP printed on them, wearing a black and silver mask resembling a dragon's face with longer pieces hanging down near the mouth, steps through the curtain. He takes a deliberate stare around the crowd before reeling off a series of martial arts kicks and stances. When that's done he simply stands at Powers' side with his arms folded) Great, he went and got Jackie Chan as his sidekick. Is that a note of sarcasm, Riker? I thought Powers would be one of your boys. Powers has the potential to impress me but he has to stop losing to people like Militar de Furia. He *had* Furia dead to rights, metal table or no metal table, and he let it slip away. Hopefully Iron Chef WP over there will be the first step in Powers "new era" [Powers] That's right Militar, you pushed me too far. When this is said and done you'll be wishing I just had you deported. You just try to pull another stunt like that again and he'll break bones you never knew you had. (Mr. WP widly flails his arms before spewing black mist into the air) [Powers] Now that I can finally feel SAFE again, let's get onto business. BEAN MARTINEZ, you made the giant mistake of sticking your nose into a place where it didn't belong and now you're going to pay for it. NEVER sign an open contract, your worst nightmare might pick it up. That's right jabroni, you're about to step into the ring with nearly 400 pounds of thunder, one of the fiercest competitors the EWC has ever seen, you must deal with REBECCA ROSENFELD!!! (the crowd starts jeering like mad, chanting various obscenities; Powers is clearly trying their patience. Rebecca Rosenfeld comes waddling out to meet Powers and WP wearing a pink muu-muu and a shower cap--it is a horrific site. The trio then head to the ring as Powers beckons Martinez to come to ringside.) WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?!?!? REBECCA ROSENFELD IS *wrestling* Damnit, this is the worst one yet. Is someone in the arena taping for America's Fattest Home Video's or something? I'm sick to death of seeing wiggly jiggly bodies on parade. Daddy's Little *bleep* must really have it in for me. BEAN MARTINEZ vs. REBECCA ROSENFELD Within seconds Martinez appeared on the runway and the crowd popped hard, preying that someone would put an end to this display. He pointed at Rosenfeld, stifled a laugh and charged into the ring. Martinez tried to start off with a flurry of offense, but we were soon shocked to find out that he was simply no match for the surprisingly offensive and strong Rosenfeld. For a fat, middle-aged woman Rosenfeld could really pack a wallop. Martinez got up after a few chops and unloaded with a series of leaping forearms and a spin kick that had little effect. He went to the ropes next, connecting with a drop kick that barely moved Rosenfeld. When he went for a second one, Rosenfeld just swatted him out of the air like a fly. Rebecca was quick to pick Bean up and hit a short-arm avalance type blow which really rocked Martinez. Rosenfeld then moved in and looked to be locking Bean in a sloppy Boston Crab, but after she flipped him over she just dropped down with all of her weight on Bean's upper back. Something isn't quite kosher here. No way should a 50+ year old woman in her shape be even moving like that, let alone pull off the moves she does. Methinks we've had the wool pulled over our eyes. As long as she keeps the wool over her ass, we'll be just fine. Will you stop it with the fat jokes? You've made your point. Look, I said I'm here to be annoying. And I'm going to be annoying as hell until I get the job back that I rightly deserve. After a quick bodyslam, Rebecca did the unthinkable and went up to the top. This took a long time so the crowd started a "BEAN" chant to try and motivate the fallen man. He did start to stir, but as Powers grabbed Mason Crow, Mr. WP caught him with a palm strike to the throat putting an end to any comeback attempt. At this point, Rebecca hit a clumsy looking walk-off splash that looked like it absolutely crushed poor Bean. The 1, 2, 3 was merely academic at that point. But we weren't done just yet as Powers and WP climbed into the ring. WINNER: "Rebecca Rosenfeld", by pinfall 2:30 [Powers] Iiiiinteressssting isn't it? Such a spry old woman isn't she? (bullsh*t chants start up) [Powers] Well all of you were right, OF COURSE this isn't Militar's mother, that cow was too busy selling her leathery hide of the streets to come up here. THIS my friends is the final part of my plan for domination, a true juggernaut and a former KWF Television Champion. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back....LAAAAAAANNY HAWKIIIIIIIIIIIINS!!! ("Rosenfeld" removes the shower cap, wig, and muu-muu to reveal a much slimmer Hawkins) Lanny Hawkins!?!?! His plan for world domination is LANNY F'N HAWKINS!?! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!! What was that you said earlier about showing respect? [Lanny] HO HO HO.....that's right, it's me - LANNY HAWKINS! I'm not really Militar's mom either....I'm just Lanny. Don't feel bad though....I mean, it's obvious why you wouldn't recognize me. The last time you saw me I was just a fat, muu-muu wearing man - but now, I mean I don't even think I need to tell everyone how suave I look. So did everyone miss Uncle Lanny? (BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!) [Lanny] Of course, Pretty in Pink was one of the most successful tag teams of our generation. Although I may never have attained the fame of my former tag team partner, and Summit Royal Rumble winner, "Sweet Cakes" Jumbo Jones - I am still a legend in my own right. All of my loving fans must have been wondering for this past few years....why Lanny why? After all, breaking up the most influential tag team of our time was a big decision. However, the choice was pretty simple when Jumbo tried to get into the bath tub with me to wash me down with a rag on a stick. It seemed that he was a little too into the gimmick and I just wasn't that sorta fat man. (Powers nods in agreement) [Lanny] So at that point I reached a crossroads and decided to take some time off. I realized that being obese was no longer in style. And it was a health risk. I mean just this past week one of my idols, Big Pun, passed away due to size-related problems. He was a community leader who was cut down in his prime and I didn't want to become like that. This newfound health kick, my never-ending mourning over the passing of Ray Combs...survey says I stopped eating for a while. Yes, that's right...I was a statistic....one of the .5% of the male population who had anorexia nervosa. <> This is disgusting, that's an insult to anyone who has ever suffered through that disorder. Not to mention a downright lie, that gut has more rolls than a Pillsbury commercial. [Lanny] But don't you fret....I remained strong and got through it....but to make a long story short-- (TOO LATE!!!) [Lanny] ...a combination of these factors is how I became the slim man who you see before you today. So this just leads us to now. How did I get involved with my boy Mikey? Well, that's a pretty touching story too. (even Powers rolls his eyes at this never ending tale) [Lanny] There I was, sitting in a mall in Hoboken, New Jersey. It just so happened that the EWC was passing through town and Mikey came to the mall to find himself a souvenier from the trip. And what could possibly be better than having a picture with Santa Claus? So there we were, Mikey sitting comfortably in my lap and things just happened form there. I mean, he was so nice to me. I like nice people. I've always wanted to be jolly and not angry about my physical appearance and Mikey helped me feel good about myself again. He cared, he spent time with me,he got me into the best shape of my life. <> He even let me watch Family Feud reruns on the tv at the gym. A few weeks later, look at me.....back to my former sex machine self. So I decided to pay Mikey back. I told him I would turn Militar upside down and shake the change right out of his pants and then sit on him until he said he was sorry for being mean to Mikey. He asked me to just return to wrestling instead--hey why not. So here I am, filled with joy. (Lanny sheds a tear and Powers consoles him briefly as garbage starts filling the ring) [Powers] That's right you are now looking at a perfect contrast of styles, an incredible mix of speed, power, and killer instinct, each and every one of you take notice--you are now looking at the BEST the EWC has to offer, this is STAR POWER!!! Your lives will never be the same again!!! (calling up the ramp) Tiffani, Amber, hope you're oiled up because we are coming home!!! ("Break Stuff" comes back on as the crowd jeers like mad, a few men are even being held back from jumping the barricasdes. When the trio reached the top of the ramp, two incredibly gorgeous, well-endowed, women, a brunette, and a redhead, dressed only in black bras and thongs greet them. Admist the hooting and hollering it is almost lost that both are clinging to Lanny...) ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// -This week - an all=new "Angel", only on the WB -Dodge Trucks are RAM TOUGH!!! -The EWC Live - where you're so close the splinters of the table will be in your face. \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ *MATCH 4* MICKEY SULLIVAN vs. "Stunning" STEVIE MAURITZ [PA] "You're Unbelievable!" <> Folks, we are back, and we've got "Stunning" Stevie Mauritz... That's STEVE Mauritz, Cross. He prefers to be called Steve. Yeah, and I prefer to have someone with a brain cell and a shred of tact to commentate with, but life's full of disappointments. Yeah, another one converted to the Church of Frown. Ronnie will be most pleased. Mauritz filled with confidence *cough*ego*cough* as usual, but I think he's gonna... <<"Big Fellah" by Black 47 comes on and the crowd gets into it as Mickey Sullivan steps out in gold kneepads and trunks in the colors of the Irish flag>> have his hands full tonight with a former USeW Light-Heavyweight Champion in one Mickey Sullivan. But, John, I have to bring up this Star Power thing again. Who do they think they're kidding? They've got Powers, who *is* talented but also is on a losing streak as of late...they've got this Mr. WP, whoever he is....and now Lanny F'n Hawkins? I'm sorry, I know I need to be impartial, but I fail to see how Lanny Hawkins is going to help these guys. Well, Hawkins is a big guy, and that tends to come in handy when your partner's opponents are mostly light-heavyweights. Look, as much as he needs to win soon to have *any* kind of respect around here, Powers has a plan. He has from the moment he set in. I have to wonder if Lanny will be a help to that plan...or a hindrance. *MATCH REPORT* Match started slow, with Mauritz playing the stall game and Sullivan having little patience for it. Mauritz finally ties up with Sullivan, goes for a hammerlock, and Sullivan just fires a right hand right to the face of Mauritz, causing the referee to give him a warning..and for Mauritz to writhe in pain for a little bit. And that's a former LH champ? He punched him in the face!!! THAT'S ILLEGAL!!!! Sullivan is a former streetfighter, he himself admits he's no technical marvel, but he'll get the job done, for sure. Mauritz stalls a bit more, but when he stops to jaw with a ringside fan, Sullivan grabs his hair and headbutts him over the top rope. Sullivan slides out and just starts knocking Mauritz from pillar to post...head ram into the guardrail, head ram into the turnbuckle, and a forearm uppercut that bounces Mauritz off the apron. Sullivan throws him into the ring. Sullivan gets in, hits an elbowsmash that sends Mauritz into the turnbuckles. Sullivan tries for an irish whip, but Mauritz reverses and sends him back to the corner they came from. Mauritz goes for a springboard dropkick, but misses and falls on his back when Sullivan dodges. Sullivan grabs Mauritz legs and slingshots him across the ring. Mauritz bounces back into a clothesline from behind by Sullivan. Sullivan picks up the dazed Mauritz for a right cross, but Mauritz drops to his knees and low blows Sullivan while the ref had his eyes on Sullivan. Mauritz then started laying the boots into Sullivan, followed by a legdrop across the back of the neck of the former USeW champ. He picks up Sullivan, sends him to the ropes, and drives a knee into the sternum of Sullivan, then gutwrench suplexes him onto his back before taking a minute to tell some ringside fan who the King is. He picks up Sullivan for a backbreaker, then hits a standing moonsault onto the prone Sullivan for the first two count of the match. Mauritz picks up Sullivan, hits an enziguri, then sets Sullivan onto the top rope before climbing off himself. He hooks Sullivan's waist and comes off with a top rope inverted atomic drop! And that was a shot to the bushmills that Sullivan won't forget anytime soon. Mauritz showing yet again what kind of a wrestler he would be if his ego didn't get in the way so much. A little ego is a healthy thing for wrestlers. Keeps you from being too humble like that Titus Whatzisnutz. Mauritz goes for a sleeper that goes until Sullivan is down on the ground. Sullivan is tested once....twice...but he keeps his arms up for the third time, and starts to get the crowd going behind him. Mick hits two elbows to Mauritz's stomach to get the hold broken, but when Sullivan comes off the ropes, Mauritz ducks Sullivan's clothesline and nails an enziguri from behind. Cover for two and 3/4. Mauritz goes outside the ring, and sets himself up for the "Ratings Grabber" slingshot huracanrana...but when he launches himself over for the rana, Mick reverses into a powerbomb that got two before Mauritz instinctively grabbed the ropes. Mick decides to yank Mauritz off the ropes to the center of the ring, then slingshot him into the ropes. Sullivan gets up, whips Mauritz to the ropes, sidewalk slam. 2 count. Sullivan gets up again and sends Mauritz to the ropes, but this time Stevie springboards off into a dropkick that's right on the mark! 2 1/2 count by Stevie. Stevie picks up Sullivan and goes for a short-arm clothesline, but Sullivan ducks and NAILS the "Bushmill's Shot" heartpunch, sending Stevie down and allowing Sullivan to cover for the 3! WINNER: Mickey Sullivan, by pinfall 8:42 And we'll be back with a TV title defense, after this!