#################################################################### ###### ###### ############# ###### ##### ##### ######## ########### ###### ###### ##### ################# #### #### ####### ############## ##### ################## ## ## ######## ############## ##### ################ # # ######### ############## ##### ################ ##### ########## ############## ##### ###################################### ############## ##### ######################################### ############## ##### ######################################### ############## ##### ################################# ###### ###### ################################# ##### #################################################################### ############## # ### # ### # # # ### # # ############# ############## ### ### ### #### ## # # # # ## ## ## ############### ############## ## ### ## #### ## ## # # # # ## ## ############### ############## ### ### ### #### ## # # # # ## ## ## ############### ############## # # # ## ## # # # ### # # ############# #################################################################### ############## ### # # # # # ### # ### ## ############## ############## ### # # # ### #### ## #### ## ## # ################# ############## # # # ## ## ## ## #### ## # # # ## ############# ############## # # # # ##### ## ## #### ## ## # ### ############# ############## ### # # # # ## ## # # ### ## ############## #################################################################### #################### # # # # ### # # # ##################### #################### ### # # # # ## # #### ## ##################### #################### ### # # # # # # # #### ## ##################### #################### ### # # # # ## # #### ## ##################### #################### # # # ### # # # ################### #################################################################### presents _______ __ __ | __| |.---.-.--------.----.-----.----.| |--. |__ | || _ | | _| _ | __|| < |_______|__||___._|__|__|__|__| |_____|____||__|__| ______ __ | __ \.----.-----.--.--.|__|.-----.--.--.--. | __/| _| -__| | || || -__| | | | |___| |__| |_____|\___/ |__||_____|________| (Over 15,000 fans at the Bryce Jordan Center in Penn State, many of them fresh back from their Spring Break and ready for one final night of fun at home, are flooding the arena with sound as the camera pans the crowd. Signs such as "Roker and Barry...Going for the Old", "Simply Sim-Sational" and "You will respect my authoritah" (with Tara Jansen's face plastered over a Cartman in uniform body), while many fans are wearing the Cut 'n Shoot T-Shirt ("I leapt 20 feet into a table and all I got was this lousy T-shirt"), holding the Dr. Feelgood foam baseball bat, and holding up copies of the EWC Musical Rave, featuring the theme music of the EWC superstars.) [V/O] Fans, we are 1/2 hour away from EWC's first ever PPV, SLAMROCK '99...and this crowd is electric!!! (Camera pans wide) Adrienne Solo Colossians Washington Fans, we are here tonight, there's over 15,000 of you here with us, and this place is about to come off at the seams. Whee-doggie, I've been in a lot of arenas since waay back before I think you were even out of diapers, missy...but I haven't been in arena's this size too often. It's good to see that the fans haven't given up on the EWC..and we plan to make it worth everyone's while tonight. If you haven't called your cable company yet, do so, you're looking at history here. Tonight, three title defenses, five matches with varied and potentially devastating stipulations...and what may be the final meeting between two of the living legends of our sport, that being Roker Showtime and "Simply the Best" Barry Bromowitz! (Cut to a video from the "Nightmare before Christmas" match, showing Showtime's pin of Fuego in the match, and all the controversy it caused) Laws, yes, Showtime got that match as his Christmas Wish for winning that Nightmare before Christmas match, so tonight, he's gonna get Barry Bromowitz in the ring one more time... but it;s gotta be a burr in Roker's trunks to not have that World belt to defend. (Cut to video showing Fuego's title win, as well as the title rematch just two days ago) I'm afraid not, as Fuego is the current EWC World Heavyweight champion..and he's got his own set of problems tonight as he's facing Chris Sim in a ladder match for that World Heavyweight championship. <"New Sensation" by INXS comes on and the crowd heat turns up to about 450 degrees> Y'know, Sim is everything I hate in the wrestlers of today, cocky, arrogant, just runs his mouth more than the Mississippi on a warm spring day. I will admit, tho, that when Sim gets down to business, he *can* beat you. He has a pinfall over Fuego, and he shook the monkey called Ernie Grendel off his back in a *BRUTAL* Falls Count Anywhere match earlier this month. And we're still waiting for Sim to come to the ring... I hope he realizes that we only have 30 minutes for this, and we've got a match between Damien Omega and Dr. Destructo yet to run... (Sim's normal fireworks go off... but no Sim. As smoke fills the rampway Sim comes onto the ramp in a wheelchair with a mic in hand.) [Sim] Well, i've got some good news and i've got some bad news ... The bad news is I won't be wrestling Fuegy here tonight due to injuries sustained in my match versus Ernie Grendel ... *Absolutely defying boos fill the arena with a whole bunch of chants to which the EWC is lucky this is airing as a PPV rather than on National television* The good news is ... i'm lying to you! That would assume that the truth came out of that mouth of his at some point.... (At this point Sim stands up and the wheelchair tumbles down behind him. He talks as he walks down the entrance ramp and enters the ring. How could someone who looks this fine be anything but?! I mean did all of you actually thought someone could get me not to show up for this match? Did you think someone could injure Chris Sim? Puh-lease! I thought I told you last week, that there was one reason and one reason only I didn't show up, and that's so that there *would* be a match five, because if I wrestled last week I would've beat Fuego so badly that you'd think Grendel actually looked good! (*LOUD* chants of "Fuego's gonna kiiiilll youuuuuu" actually cause Sim to stop for a second and glare at everyone) Fuegy, this is the final match of your nightmare and i'm going to make this the worst nightmare you've had in your life. You see what I did to Grendel with a ladder isn't enough for this ladder match ... Oh No! You see I told you that I had a surprise for you, and Fuegy I know you are going to love it! So without further adieu let me tell you exactly whats going on ... I was thinking I wonder who the perfect referee would be for this match? You know someone with no proir grudges against either one of us who is in good enough condition to keep us in line and I could only think of one man who fit this criteria ... What the hell is he talking about? That man...is none other than former AWA TV champion "Gold Digger" Bo Barnes!!!!!!! *Alot of the crowd has obviously followed the FWA, AWA, IeWS, or USeW as they boo harshly!!! At this "Just a Gigolo" by David Lee Roth blasts through and Bo Barnes comes down wearing a referee's shirt and a gold chain around his waist. He comes down to the ring, enters, and shakes Sim's hand! Impartial my eye!!! I saw the tape of the last match Barnes had with Fuego in the AWA a year ago at Christmas...they damn near killed each other, and Riker had to stop the match! This stinks like yesterday's garbage! However, it's Chris' stipulations, and assigning the referee does count. Now, Fuegy i'm *sure* that Barnes totally forgives you for breaking his leg, I mean that's something that is easily forgotten. I mean if someone broke your leg you wouldn't be mad at all would you? If someone managed to take you out of wrestling for almost a year, you wouldn't care. I mean, if you had a chance to cost him the world title you wouldn't do it? *The crowd continues to boo, and boo, and boo.* So Fuegy now that the unbiased referee is in place get ready to have the hardest match of your life ... because you all know that Chris Sim gives you exactly what you want to see, and for that reason Fuegy I may let you last more than a couple of minutes in the ring with me. You see when everythings said and done Fuegy the Sensational One, Chris Sim, the fastest, the strongest, the most talented, and the *SEXIEST* man in E-wrestling, will prove that he is better than you once again! *So starts a "Fuego's gonna kill you!" chant* Fuegy, i've had you in my sights for a long time now, and it's going to be my pleasure to pull the trigger when I have you locked in the Crosshairs. (Sim starts to walk to the back but turns around.) Oh, and this is only the start of the surprises there's only more where that came from ... did you really think i'd let you off that easy? [PA System] You know, I could probably ask you the same thing! (CROWD POP) Oh boy, looks like the Boss has something to say. EWC Commisioner Tara Jansen out on the rampway, and as usual in dealing with Sim, she doesn't look pleased. [Sim] Tara, honey, I *TOLD* you to stay back at the hotel and keep the champagne on ice. Or couldn't you just wait to get some Canadian sugar, baby?? (The crowd is booing like mad, but Tara just has this smirk on her face) From the way the boss is smiling, I think Mr. Sim's gonna be in for a long evening. [Jansen] You know, Chris, you really need to learn the concept of leaving well enough alone. You told me ladder match...fine. You even told me about Hoe Barnes here... *Crowd pop...Barnes is none too pleased* being the referee...and I said, I'll live with it. But you just couldn't keep your mouth shut, could you? You just couldn't resist it. And now, I had to deal with an old friend of mine coming in to my offices and begging to get involved in this. Old friend, what's she talking about? So I went and looked at the terms of the match...and yes, the terms state that you can name the referee for the match. HOWEVER, there is nothing in the contract that says there can't be MORE than one referee in this match... *CROWD POP* Therefore, I have named a second referee to the Fuego/Sim Ladder match...one that will more or less be making sure that no one tries anything funny. And Sim, you've been talking about him so much lately...I think you'll figure out who it is just....about......now. (Silence...then....) [PA SYSTEM] YYYYYEeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssss (With that, "Love Rollercoaster" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers comes on to an *INSANE* crowd pop. Barnes nearly jumps out of his boots when the music comes on...Sim looks legit pissed off) "SWEET" JIMMY!!!! FANS, "SWEET" JIMMY LOWE HAS BEEN INTRODUCED AS THE SECOND REFEREE!!!!! Fans, if you watch outside the EWC, you know Jimmy hangs his hat in the USeW...so what is he doing here??? He just grabbed the mike from Tara. [Lowe] YYYYYEeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssss! *CROWD POP...altho there are significant boos from people who know Jimmy by reputation and haven't seen USeW lately* [Lowe] You know, Chris Sim....."Canadian Menstruation".... (HUGE pop and laughter from the audience) I'm going to be very unlike you and make this short and to the point. I don't like you. You come out here, you talk and talk and talk, and you say the same thing over and over again. Now, "The Gangster of Love" appreciates being able to run one's mouth, but I keep it to the facts. The first problem is you love to hear yourself talk too much. The second problem is no one else wants to hear it! (Sim goes to say something but finds his microphone has been cut off) And the third problem...and this is what got my attention...was that you were making fun of the Sweet One!!! 'Do I have to say "YEEEEESSSSSSSS" here, or is it just me?' Those were your words. Tonight, you called yourself the sexiest man in E-Wrestling? Hell, you're not even the sexiest man in that barren wasteland you call a province! For that alone, I should teach you firsthand what Lowe 6:9 means...but tonight, that's Fuego's job. *MY* job is to make sure that Bo Knows he's gonna get my foot up his raggedy ass if he calls this match anywhere *but* down the middle...and Bo surely knows what it feels like to be put in his place by "Sweet" Jimmy. So you better go back to your dressing room for the next two or so hours and think about it...because I have a strong suspicion... that Fuego's gonna kill you! (This cues the crowd to start in again) Oh, and as for that crack about Tara and the hotel.... (Lowe goes over to Tara and plants a big wet one right on her lips....and she's into it!!! Crowd pops hard) Talk about my girlfriend again in that light, "Menstruational One", and you're gonna be the first outside of the USeW to learn that Lowe 6:9 means NOBODY *crowd joins in* *bleep*S WITH "SWEET" JIMMY!!! Did he say GIRLFRIEND!?!?!?!?! Remember, she's not gonna bother with a maple leaf...when she can have Chicago's very own Great Redwood! YYYYYeeeeeessssssssss!!!!! (Crowd pops loudly as "Rollercoaster" comes back on, and Jimmy grinds behind Tara...Tara laughs and looks embarassed for a second before joining in to a sizeable crowd pop. Barnes is enraged, and Sim doesn't look happy either) What an announcement...TWO Special Referee's for the main event?!?!?!? It looks like Tara did her level best to not only re-even the odds for Fuego, but stir the powderkeg a bit as well. There's no love lost between Barnes and Lowe, and Sim seems to have gotten Jimmy's dander up too! Fans, we have some words backstage from Damien Omega, lets go there now, and then our Free for All match, Damien Omega vs. Dr. Destructo!!! %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% {Opens to Damien Omega, in a plain red shirt and blue jeans, stands in front of an EWC logo} [Omega] Y'know, when I first came to the EWC, I only had one thought in my head, and that was to get an opportunity to finally wrestle Torvald Reikkerson. I felt that while he was champion in the IeWS, I never got the shot at the world title that I thought I deserved, and I wanted to prove to everyone, especially myself, that I could have been the IeWS champion if I had the chance. Having a belt around my waist never meant that much to me, it was the THOUGHT that I could be the best I can be, and at the time, Reikkerson was the measuring stick. So don't think that bashing me on the head with the IeWS belt causes me any sort of mental anguish. Don't think, Destructo, that interfering in my match causes me to be any angrier than normal at you. Mental games don't work as easy on me than they do with other people, because I've been around long enough to know that people like you have to make up for a lack of ability with these petty mind games. That's fine, Destructo. Continue playing your little games with the IeWS belt. It's mine, y'know. I won it by defeating Reikkerson in the ring. Just because you're running around with it means ... nothing. YOU know it's mine, because otherwise you wouldn't be calling me out to fight you like you are. You wouldn't be hitting me in the head with it if, somewhere in that tiny little head you have, you KNOW that in order for you to legitimately carry around that defunct belt is by beating me. You got what you want. We're gonna see, you and me, who deserves it. At the end of the match, when you're holding your leg in pain, win or lose, you'll KNOW you've been in the ring with a true champion. THAT, I guarantee you. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% DAMIEN OMEGA vs. DR. DESTRUCTO Destructo starts right out of the gate with a chopblock to the knees from behind, then starts to work the knee with everything he's got...postholing the knee, stomping the knee, you name it. He picks Omega up for a shinbreaker, Omega flips over behind and executes a reverse DDT to slow Destructo down. From there, Omega applied a spinning toehold to wear down the legs a bit more. And that's a classic move from my day..very interesting strategy, using a classic hold that most younger wresters don't bother planning for, cause no one hardly ever uses it. After a couple of minutes of this, Eric picks Destructo up, hits a forearm smash, then sends him into the ropes...belly to belly suplex. Omega up....then Destructo, into a belly to back suplex that almost gets a 2 count, then going back to the leg with a 1/2 Boston Crab. And so far this has been a very methodical match, Omega in control, but unfortunately the fans don't seem to be very much into it. Well, if it doesn't have fire, tables, or scantily-clad womenfolk, people assume it's worthless...me, I'm enjoying this, this is a classically wrestled match. Destructo gets to the corner and grabs onto the ropes, forcing Omega to break the hold. Omega whips him into the corner, he bounces out into a high back drop by Omega. Omega then sends him to the ropes, but Destructo holds on as Omega tries for a spinwheel kick, and Omega lands hard on his knee. Destructo goes immediately to work on the knee with stomps and postholes, stopping to spit on Omega once. Now, there's no call for that in the ring, although one wouldn't expect much more from a guy named Destructo. Destructo grabs Damien and straddles him on the steel ringpost, then goes through the usual Flair/Hart rigamarole of ramming the knee into the steel ringpost a couple of times. He rolls into the ring to break the count, then cinches on a ringpost figure four. Destructo breaks off at referee Wayne Winans' 7 count, and makes it back into the ring. And Omega actually being outwrestled here by Destructo, as the Doctor isn't really known for his scientific technique. Doc's style may be more barroom brawl than NCCA wrestling, but he's got a few moves on his side...he is the last man to hold the IeWS World Championship. Destructo comes back in and tries to lock on the Texas Cloverleaf, but Omega will have none of that...he kicks Destructo away. Omega tries to stand but his leg gives way. And Destructo has taken a *lot* out of that leg so far And he's movin' in again, trying to get that cloverleaf locked on...SWEET FANCY MOSES!!!!! OMEGA WITH THE ROLLUP OUT OF NOWHERE...TWO...THREE!!!!!! *DING DING DING* ########################################## # WINNER: Damien Omega, by pinfall 7:32 # ########################################## And Destructo is not happy with that...and he's laying the boots onto Omega's knees again!!! Now he's locking on the Texas Cloverleaf and he's not letting go! And this is exactly the kind of shenanigans you expect from a man like this....Winans trying to pull him off.. and Destructo shoves him off, that's gonna cost him some change! Officials are in there now trying to get Destructo off... and he does, and leaves the ring, in a huff. EMT's are checking on Omega's leg in the ring. And now Destructo's saying that that was a non-title match. Can you believe the nerve of that man? Fans, we've got this pretaped segment from the EWC Light-Heavyweight Champion, Bill Curtis...lets go to the tape! %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% [Scene: a snow covered backyard. Several snowmen - some "standing", some laying down - have been created. The camcorder pans over to a tree above one of the prone snowmen. A long haired teenager suddenly jumps out of the tree, performing a legdrop on the snowman. He then, seemingly without rhyme or reason, goes from snowman to snowman, trying various wrestling moves on them [or in one case destroying it with a broken tree limb]. The home movie then dissolves into the present-day Bill Curtis, standing in the parking lot.] [Curtis] Herbie, you're /JUST/ realizing that I'm sick in the head ... just now. Man, I knew you weren't exactly the sharpest crayon in the box, but really - you gotta work on those powers of observation. So, you say you're sane now -even though you're still acting like you're not - and you wanna "help" me. Simple mind games from a damn simple mind. You wanna get into my head Monroe?!? Well /COME ON DOWWWWNNNN/!!! Pull up a chair, take a good look around my friend ... you'll be having nightmares and wetting the bed for weeks. I'm not sure if you're acting crazy, really are crazy, or what ... doesn't matter. See, I'm nuts, I accept that, and it seems to work for me. You don't wanna try and out-psycho me, 'cause you'll lose, and you'll get hurt. So, Herbie, if I were you, I would take a little quiet time, collect myself, and get real serious ... 'cause even dead serious Herbie, you're still gonna lose, and you're still gonna get hurt. You took out Ernie. Point one to you. My turn ... and I don't play nice. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% And fans, we've just got a couple of minutes here, so lets run down the card Tonight, we've got 2 Cool Dudes and the Children of Apocalypse, with a dispute going all the way back to the very first EWC Wakeup Call, settling things with a Texas Tornado Match...all four men allowed in the ring at the same time. Also, Murder Inc. and Beyond Our Control in one of the oddest matches in EWC history. The first ten minutes is a Pure Science match....now, if the historically scientifically-challenged BOC survives that 10 minutes, the match becomes a Chicago Street Fight elimination match, with each team getting a can of weapons to use in the match, and both men having to be pinned in order to be eliminated. PLUS, should BOC should lose this match, they must give up their current identities and wrestle for 60 days with a gimmick of Murder Incorporated's choice. We've also got a HELL IN THE CELL match between EWC TV champion Sebastian Sloan and "Slayer" Mark Davidson. Former friends, former partners, now bitter rivals, with Slayer's former significant other Lilith now in the camp of Sloan...and Davidson also looking for some vengeance for Jeremy Byron, who was critically injured by Sloan and Lilith two days ago. We have this clip sent to us by Byron as he's recovering at home. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% (The camera opens up to a smallish apartment living room where there sits a man, hand-in-hand with a woman, over to the side plays a little girl who is about 6 years old. Welcome to Casa Byron. Jeremy Byron looks as if he is auditioning for a remake of The Invisible Man, as his entire head is wrapped in gauze. Standing out in stark contrast are the fiery eyes peering from the white mask and calm, yet intense words emanating from a vacuous slit where his mouth should be.) [Byron] "Hello EWC. First off, I'd like to thank everyone for the cards and prayers, you cannot believe how important they have been to me (Byron looks to his wife and daughter), to us, during this difficult time. The doctors say that my reflexes are pretty damn good, and that is what saved me from some really serious damage. It's nice to know that all that training paid off for something. The docs also say that I'll have to undergo alot of skin grafts and plastic surgery, so maybe my wife can get a guy that looks like Brad Pitt after all. (Byron shakes her hand, and she fakes a smile despite her reddened, tear- streaked eyes) And the bad news, as if it could get any worse, is that I've lost 90% vision in my left eye and there has been what they're calling 'extensive nerve damage in my frontal occipital quadrant" wherever the hell that is. In short, I'm done. I've finally woken up from my dream. (Byron's wife chokes back tears and runs from the room.) Josie, honey. (The little girl looks up from her Barbie) Go check on your mommy, OK? (And she bounds up to run to the kitchen.) (Byron turns to the camera and beckons that it comes closer.) Now...you look here, you bastard. Sloan, I don't know where you get off thinking you can do whatever you want just because some coin toss made you a bad ass in the genetic game of luck. I spent a lot of years in this sport working my butt off because nothing was given to me, I went out there night-in and night-out doing my *job* because that is what I was supposed to do. It did not include walking out and having my career ended because somebody felt like it would be a cool way to seem like a star, understand? Yeah, the docs say I can't work anymore...but what can EWC do? fire me? Who needs recovery time, I've got a lifetime to recover. You better be looking over your shoulder, because there is a freakin' Freddy Krueger look-a-alike under a ton of mummy-wrap coming after your head! Oh no, Sloan we've got some unfinished business and this time, Byron doesn't have a *job* to worry about! %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Oh my. Now, for the EWC LH title match, we've got Bill Curtis defending against former EWF LH champion Chris Monroe in a match that will preview the format for the upcoming Cut 'n Shoot Heritage Championship tournament. There will be a wagon wheel with 8 possible match choices......that wheel will be spun pre-match and that will be the stipulations that this match will be wrestled under. The match is no disqualification. The stips are: -Falls Count Anywhere -a Bunkhouse match, wear whatever you want. -a Steel Cage match -a Bullrope match -a Baseball Bat match -a Can of Tricks match, meaning a garbage can will be sent down with an assortment of weapons that neither man knows about in advance. -a Mystery Box match, in which a box will be set up above each turnbuckle...one of the boxes will ahve a weapon. First person to it gets to use it. -and a Spin Twice space, meaning if this is spun, you spin twice and add the stips. If this happens, an additional stip will be added to the wheel. The World Tag Team title will be defended as Weapons of Last Resort wrestle their first match since winning the tag titles in their defense aganist the so-called "Icons of the 80's", Retrospection. And as mentioned earlier, in our double main event, Roker Showtime fights Barry Bromowitz, and the World title is on the line as Fuego fights Chris Sim in a ladder match, the *final* match of their best of 5 series...with TWO special referee's in "Golddigger" Bo Barnes and "Sweet" Jimmy Lowe. Fans, do not wait any longer...call your cable company now. Fans, we will SEE YOU AT SLAMROCK!!!!!!!!!! *cable scrambling comes on*