Apparently, the Power Supply isn't taking interviews right now, and they just locked themselves in the locker room *WITH* the Children of Apocalypse. Very interesting. I have to tell you, that was marvelous to watch. I think the Butthole Surfers are gonna have a LOT to answer for very soon...they've got no less than SIX guys on their tail! I like those odds. Well, as we also saw tonight, the Runners do have some backup out there, ESPECIALLY against the rest of the power supply. You mean like Dr. Destructo? Oh, THAT strike's fear in my hea... Issac-san? Hey, I was talking! Fans, the voice you're hearing is of an intern here at EWC, Shini Otachiro. Issac-san? *sigh* Yes, go ahead, Shini. I just receieved a phone call from the business associates of Frank Spinelli and Terry Haynes, known to you as Murder, Inc. They have a severe family emergency, and will be unable to attend the show tonight. Shini, that's huge news...can we get a confirm..yes, our producer is letting us know that EWC Commisioner John Riker is begrudgingly awarding the North American tag title match, and the undisputed championship, to Beyond Our Control. Fans at home, we are very sorry that the match isn't going to take place. Yeah, like ANYONE bought the PPV to watch BOC.. Issac-san? Go ahead, Shini. The message also said that they would be back to finish their "Family Business" in EWC soon enough. OK, thanks for the info. Hey, sound guys? If that little snot ever interrupts me again, he's gonna get an ingredient of choice shoved up a choice oriface. That's enough, Byron, he's excited to have time on the mic. Weren't you, when you first got your shot? You mean when I took my shot after all the times that ass TR Parker tried to upstage me! Well, he found out last week on Impact that what goes around comes around when "The Sputter"s wife walked out on him and into the sunset with one STUUUUUD of a man, Joshua Collins. No one needs to hear things like... <<"New Sensation" by INXS begins to play over the speakers...>> ...like that, for instance! YES!!! HE'S BACK, FOLKS!!!! <<...and the crowd starts booing right away, with a few mixed reactions in there. Sim strides out from back with his arms already crossed above his head, from his arms hang a Canadian flag worn as a cape. As he stands by the entrance he pauses and swings his arms to his sides and turns around backwards arms extended giving us a perfect shot of the Canadian flag just as fireworks go off forming a red X above his head. Sim slowly spins around again making sure he lets the entire crowd get a good look at him before walking down to the ring>> Folks, I have to tell you, I have missed this man. He came into this fed, he took Fuego to the limit, and he darn near put Ernie Grendel out of the sport!! And tonight, after he takes care of Parker, he's going to be fighting for the Heavyweight Championship of the World...and no matter *WHO* wins the match tonight, he's got their number. I think Parker is going to have a WORLD to say about that tonight....oh no, is that what I think it is? HE HAS A MIC!! YEAH, BABY, YEAH!!!!! <> [Sim] Yeah, yeah, I know what y'all are thinking, what a sight for sore eyes, we've missed seeing the greatest performer in the squared-circle for far too long now. Well, I know you missed me, but if you could all just quiet down so i could speak ... (The boos rein down at a higher level, as Sim puts the mic to his side then looks at his wrist in a mock "how long is this going to last" pose) Ok, thats great, you love me, i know you want me ... but thats not why i'm here. I'm here because Elite needs me. Tonight the main event is Ern against Fuegy ... (HUGE crowd pop) I must say that it is quite disapointing to know that neither of them will have their most exciting match tonight, as they have already maxed out their potentials when they stepped in the ring with me. If you ask them, i'm sure both of them know that they will never again have a match that is talked about the way their first big time match with Chris Sim is talked about. Although, I must admit it's going to be nice watching my favourite playmates of the past go at it, but no, i'm watching a Chris Sim match nice. I hope everyone is the building realizes that Fuegy and Ern are only at the top right now, because I wasn't around to stop it from happening ... (So begins the "Shut the hell up" chants) You know, that's true. Everytime either guy built up steam, Sim took it out of their sails!!! Seriously, do you think its a coincidence that those two are at the top after having learned the ropes of physical and mental torture at the hands of the Sensational One? Did you not see the change in the state of mind of the two men during their time in the ring with me? I must say, i'm pretty proud to be able to take credit for all their accomplishments from that time on, its nice to know that I can create wrestlers from even the worst batch of dough. (BOOOO!!!) But, Ern, Fuegy, i'll deal with at least one of you after tonight. Because tonight, Park, you're in luck, you get the chance to be in the ring with the greatest performer of all time, the sensational one, CHRIS SIM! This is your chance to put forth a match that your grandchildren are going to talk about. Of course, Park, its going to be on the losing end, and at great expense to your mind and body. But, i'll be nice and I won't end it too quickly, or is that just being a downright bastard, because we all know the more time you spend in the ring with me the worse it is for you! (So starts a "Cut him off" chant) Even considering this shows me that all this time off has affected me, perhaps I should change my evil ways, perhaps I should become a better person, perhaps, I am more moral ... perhaps. (A mixed reaction from the crowd, along with some chatter) But then I think, Park, if you can't even keep a woman down, how do you expect to keep the "Sensational One" down?!?! (The crowd lets out an "ohhhhhh" in sync, and Sim just covers his mouth like he didn't know he said something wrong) What? Did i say something that was taken the wrong way? Well, it looks like no matter how hard i try, i'm never going to be a good guy. (Sim, pretends to whipe a tear from his face) Oh well. Park, tonight you will eventually be put in the Crosshairs and when you are, you will realize that Chris Sim is better than you, and for the rest of the match, i'm going to show you why i'm Simply Sensational! So Park, come on down for the match of your life ... (With that Sim throws down the mic and awaits TR's entrance.) And while Sim was talking, they spun the wheel, and it came up, ironically enough, ERNIE GRENDEL'S RULES, so we've got a Falls Count Anywhere match in store tonight. That's quite OK, Chris is quite comfortable outside the ring. I hope Parker is still comfortable with being on his back..after all, being married to Queen, he hasn't had much reason to be lately. You know, your hatred of Parker... <<"Strutter" by KISS kicks in and the crowd swells to its feet as the entrance ramp is filled with a lone figure, a determined figure..."The Strutter" TR Parker purposefully strides (not struts) down the aisle.>> ...is bordering on the psychotic. Here comes "The Strutter" now, and he's all business. Parker has had a really rough week, and he's still coming into this PPV looking to beat Sim and get a shot at the EWC World Championship. <> [TR Parker] "Ease up sport, I had to stand in the back while you gave everybody at home a dinner break now it's my turn. I've been in this business for a number of years and have had my share ups and downs. In fact, there have only been three times when I've had my ass royally kicked. Fuego, I know you're in the back and I'm sure you're smiling ear to ear to hear me admit that. Powerhouse Pruitt, whatever retirement home you're in, my hat is off to you for showing me State College like no other. And Calamity Jane Manson....you brought it and I took it, to the point that I never want to see you again. I've been broken, bloodied, and battered all over this country. But the pain I experienced on those occassions is nothing compared what I just went through. The good book says 'those who are exalted will be humbled, and those who are humbled will be exalted.' Well, I've been very fortunate in this life so I guess it was my time to be humbled. I've run my mouth so much, that it was only a matter of time before The Strutter dined at the banquet of consequences. Yeah, I can tell you exactly what you ate.. Shut up. I look around this sport and see a lot of trash talking punks (Parker glares at Sim) who think they're untouchable. Think again, because if The Strutter has to fall then every one of you is going to fall...hard. Who said that? THE STRUTTER SAID THAT! Well Queen, wherever you are congratulations...you did what nobody else has been able to do...make me feel like (Parker glances over and points.) Exactly. And Chris Sim, the Canadian Abomination, after I get done with you, you're going to look how I feel! And Parker NAILS Sim with the microphone, and is now firing lefts and rights on him in the corner. And you see, it's JUST like Parker to come out here, pretend he's all humble and goody goody, then pull a cheap stunt like that. Of course, everything about Parker *screams* cheap. Parker now taking his shirt off and choking Sim out with it, and Parker is using every ounce of agression that he has towards Joshua Collins right now to make Chris Sim feel like he's in the fight of his life! Right hand by Parker now has Sim against the ropes, and Parker runs in with a clothesline and they both tumble over the top rope! And they're brawling their way over here...Parker!! How about a wrestling move for once!?!?! Sim's head goes right into our table. And now Parker motioning for the timekeeper to get out of the way..he's going for a bulldog, NO!! Sim shoves him right into the timekeepers area, and that area is a shambles right now. And that was a Simply Sensational counter to the utterly contemptable actions of TR Parker. Utterly Contemptable. Is that proper english? Oh, please, Cross, you can't even spell spellchecker. Sim firing a right hand onto the face of TR Parker, now he's got the timekeepers bell, and he just chucks that puppy right onto "The Sputter" Now he's holding the bell onto his knee...he went for a kneedrop but TR moved out of the way. Now Sim grabbing him by the hair and irish whipping him towards the..REVERSAL BY Parker...Sim jumps onto the guardrail..PARKER WITH A LEG CLIP, and SIM LANDS ON HIS BACK ON THE CONCRETE. Parker onto the rail, Moonsault...OOOH, Sim gets his knees up, and now both men are down. Sim is on his knees...SMALL PACKAGE!! ONETWOTHREE!!!! Jeremy, the referee *barely* got to one. Sim up now, and he's got Parker by the head.. BAM, right onto the guardrail, and now Sim climbing onto the guardrail, he's got Parker by the head...OWOWOWOWOWOW!!! Sim with a legdriver DDT, sending Parker facefirst onto the guardrail, and Parker is down, folks. And Sim is capitalizing on Parker's propensity to bleed in these matches. See, he's called "The Sputter" for more than one reason! Parker trying to pull himself upwards, and yes, he is bleeding from the forehead area, and Sim now snapmares Parker *over* the guardrail, and now both men are in the crowd. He hooks Parker for a suplex, and he gets it, as fans scatter out of the way. Sim is great at this...no matter what kind of match, he *will* use the science against you. Parker's idea of science is a home pregnancy test that turns blue. Sin now has a reverse chinlock on Parker *IN THE CROWD*, mind you, and he's trying to squeeze every drop of blood out of TR Parker that he can. He shoves TR's face into the ground, and now he gets up and stomps on it a bit. Sim has Parker up now, and now he's got Parker in bulldog position..DAMNIT, NO!!! Parker hits an atomic drop that sends Sim right into a nearby table, and Parker looks livid here. He fires some hard right hands into the face of Sim, before picking him up....Sim punches his back, it looked like Parker was going for a spinebuster.. and SIM gets a DDT out of it instead. And of course, that was "Simply Sensational" You sound like his press agent. Sim's got Parker from behind....GERMAN SUPLEX THROUGH THE TABLE!!!! Yeah, Chris, you've got him now, COVER HIM!!! Terry Magnum is right there as Chris covers... one........ two.. kickout by Parker, and Sim wasting no time whatsover laying the boots to the fallen TR. He grabs the fallen Parker by the legs...SLINGSHOT CATAPULT THROUGH THE DOORWAY!!! And I have no idea where that goes. Wherever it goes, it can't be good news for Parker. The last time he was in the basement is when the Queen locked him in for the night accidentally! Parker may have been in the basement, but we all know that Joshua was *REALLY* the one "down there" You disgust me, Jeremy. We've got a camera in the doorway while Sim is getting his bearings and...DEAR GOD!!! <> I can't believe Parker is even conscious down there. That was almost a 30 foot fall down those steps!!! And the master of the Crosshairs has got Parker in his crosshairs now...and he knows it. Sim crossing his arms as the fans boo before he goes through the doorway...and we see Parker trying desperately to pull himself to his feet, and you have to give credit to the emotional resolve of TR Parker. No I don't! Well you should! Parker very resilient in the past, and he's being fueled by anger. But Sim's the one who's upright right now...he gives the cross sign...and he SLIDES DOWN THE RAIL ON HIS FEET RIGHT INTO A "CROSSHAIRS"!!! <> CROSSHAIRS RIGHT ON THE MONEY!!!!! And Sim is up and through the doorway and he COVERS PARKER!! ONE.... TWO..... THREE! NO!!!! Parker got his shoulder up at the last second!!! And Sim, not wasting any time, gets up and goes for a nearby chair. Waitaminute, look at all the instruments!! They're apparently in the orchestra pit.. hold on, that's the FSU Bandroom!!!! Look at the logos on the walls. Entirely possible, we are very close to Doak Campbell Stadium here... and Sim's got the chair set up, he jumps off of it into a twisting legdrop across the head of Parker, and Parker is nearly a crimson mask right now. And Sim's got a hold of a trumpet case and he cracks that across the head of Parker. Now Sim's taking the trumpet out..and it looks like he's gonna serenade us!!! I don't think I can handle this...OWWWW!!! He just blatted a very LOUD, PIERCING sound right into the ears of TR Parker!!! He just played the opening notes of "O Canada!" That's what I love about Chris Sim, he's a patriot even to the end. That had nothing to do with patriotism and everything to do with making a man deaf. Sim now ready to bring the trumpet onto Parkers...OOOOHHH!!!! Parker landed on a flagpole, and it shot RIGHT up into Sim's groin. And Parker getting to his feet, grabs the pole and brings it down onto the back of Sim!!! Come on, Chris, are you gonna take that kind of abuse from an impotent man!?!?! BYRON, you have NO PROOF of that...and Parker's got Sim by the hair.. <> And he just tossed him headfirst into the gong!!! I guess that's what Parker thought of Sim's musical ability. Parker's one to talk, his idea of musical diversity is listening to both Country *AND* Western. Parker's now got a pair of cymbals, and is waiting for Chris to get up.. <> AND HE BOXES HIS EARS WITH THE CYMBALS!!! And Sim stumbles out the other door, with Parker in hot pursuit! Parker grabs Sim by the hair and bulldogs him right onto the hard floor in the hallway! And Sim needs to regain control and soon, I think the thought of Parker getting anywhere NEAR the EWC World title makes me ill. Parker is on top of Sim now, firing hard rights into the head of the "Canadian Sensation", and he hooks the leg... one................ two....... kickout by Sim! UH-uh, Ty-d-bowl, just because the Queen's shoulders will lie flat for anyone doesn't mean anyone else will do the same...least of all, Chris Sim. You just better pray to god that Parker never hears this when you're around. Parker grabs Sim and tosses him head first into the wall..and Sim fires back with a weak right, but Parker GOES LOW on Sim..X-FACTOR ON THE CONCRETE!!!! And Sim's busted open, he's bleeding!!! Uhh, Chris, come on...you're gonna make me look like an idiot here... Parker drags the fallen Sim by the legs into the locker room of the Seminoles, and he's got Sim by the legs and he slingshots him right into a row of lockers, a little payback from earlier in the evening. Sim is out of it, he's staggering around the corner, Parker moves in....DEAR GOD!!!! And Chris, out of sheer presence of mind, falls forward onto one end of a bench, see-sawing the other right up the nose of TR Parker!!! I'd call it more desperation than presence of mind....Sim now with the bench, and he drives it into the back of TR Parker. Now laying the bench across the body of TR Parker, and with a DOUBLE STOMP right onto the rib area of TR Parker...and we've got a cover... one................ two............... thr..NO, Parker's up! Barely, but he's up. And Sim grabs a nearby hamper...and he just dumps a bin of jockstraps on the head of TR Parker. Hey, I wonder if the Seminoles have had their turn with the Queen yet? Parker can probably tell by the Go one word further and I'm killing your mike for the rest of the night. Sim grabs one of the straps and is choking Parker out with it....and now Sim dragging Parker to another area of lockers by the strap....and he whips him right into the lockers...then pulls him back...and he does it again!!! Look at Parker, his eyes are turned into the back of his head!!! Parker has surivived MANY Falls Count Anywhere wars, but Sim survived a war with Fuego, so there's a lot of pride on the line here....Sim goes for another whip, Parker revers.. STRUTTER CUTTER!!! STRUTTER CUTTER ON SIM!!!!!! We've got one............. We've got two......... SIM KICKS OUT! You can like him, you can hate him, but you HAVE to respect his reserves and his will to win. Parker is up and he gets onto the SINK, for pete's sake...AIR STRUTTER CLOTHESLINE OFF THE SINK!!!!! And Parker landed hard on the floor, both men are down now, both men are bleeding. Man, Coach Bowden isn't gonna like the mess they're leaving. Sim starting to stagger to his feet first, Parker isn't that far behind, Sim trying to head into another room...Parker with an axehandle into the back of Sim, Sim fires back with an elbow. Isaac, look at this!!! They're going into the Natatorium!!!!! Everyone into the pool! This could get really dangerous. Officials have informed the back, and we do have lifeguards in the area...this could get really really dangerous..Sim with a kneelift into Parker...Parker with an european uppercut, savate kick...CAUGHT BY SIM..DRAGON SCREW RIGHT INTO THE POOL!!!! And this is where a match can end quickly..get him underwater for several seconds and he's either gonna tap or drown. Actually, Parker was a champion swimmer in high school, so this is old home.... Sim climbing onto the lifeguard chair, as Parker is getting himself settled on the floor of the pool...MOONSAULT ONTO PARKER INTO THE POOL!!!!! And Sim uprights himself on the pool floor, thank heavens they're in the shallow end of the pool. Both of these guys can swim, can't they? I think so..I HOPE SO...Sim has Parker's shoulders against the pool wall.... count of one....... count of two...... Parker with a headbutt onto the face of Sim to break that up...STRUTTER CUTTER INTO THE WATER!!! And that didn't hurt so much as take the wind out of Sim's sails, as Parker rolls himself out onto the poolside area...and starts taking his boots off. What, does he think he's overdressed!?!? THis is the middle of the match. Parker has his shoes off, now his belt, and his jeans, Parker in regular trunks now.. and I can see this, his clothes soaking wet would only weigh him down..and now he's got weapons..BELT ACROSS THE BACK OF SIM!!! FIVE LASHES ACROSS THE BACK as Sim tries to get out. Now Parker has the boot....MISSES with it, Sim SPEARS Parker Backward into the spring diving board...Sim grabs Parker's head, jumps off the board, SWINGING DDT ONTO THE POOLSIDE CONCRETE!!!!! That's it, this one's over. Parker's in concussion city. Sim with a cover....... one..... two.. PARKER GOT HIS SHOULDER UP!!!! WHERE DOES HE GET THIS!!!! DAMNIT! Sim is getting up..and he's crossing his arms again, he tosses the fallen Parker onto the diving board...and Sim sets up as Parker gets to his feet.... CROSSHAIRS...MISSES!!! PARKER DUCKS AND SIM GOES SAILING INTO THE POOL!!!!! I can't believe how lucky Parker is getting. It's not luck, Byron, it's Parker's tenacity, his fortitude... It's Parker being too stupid to know when to quit... Parker has a cowboy boot..he's going off the springboard......BOOT TO THE HEAD OF SIM!!!!!! <> I don't think I can watch this.. Parker crawling out of the pool...Sim is up and he's just kinda floating there...and Parker starts climbing...the high dive...oh no, HE WOULDN'T!!! Come on, Chris, wake up!!!! Parker climbing all the way up, and Sim's still just kinda floating there...and Parker is up there, arms outstretched... CHRIIISSS!!! STRUTTERSAULT 450 SPLASH.....MAKE THAT 900....MAKE THAT 1350!!!!! DEAR GOD!!!! <<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> THE CAMERAMAN GOT DOUSED!!!!! I CAN'T SEE WHAT HAPPENED!!! I think he missed!!! He had to have missed. That was the first ever triple 450 I have EVER seen in any match anywhere...and water is starting to clear out.....and I see Sim..he's still kinda floating there.... Where's Parker!?!?! No sign of him yet, Sim's still out, he's drenched, tho...... <> AND THERE'S PARKER!!! HE JUST SUBMERGED FROM THE POOL!!!! And he's draped now over Sim, holding him like a liferaft.....AND THE REFEREE COUNTS!!! WHAT!?!?!? THAT'S NOT FAIR!!! One...... Two.......... THREE!!!! PARKER WINS!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!! <<"Strutter" kicks in in the main arena as lifeguards and attendants help both men out of the pool...Sim is conscious but out of it, Parker is hurt but kinda with it.>> TR Parker has earned a shot at the heavyweight championship of the world, and I DO MEAN EARNED!! <> I can't believe this. Parker pulls every lucky break in the book, and you call it "battling against the odds". Sim takes everything Parker can give, dishes it out as well, and is still standing...with help...at the end, and not one word for him? OK, I'm probably going to regret this, but Chris Sim hasn't lost a step. He's gonna give people some fits, and I wouldn't be surprised to see gold on his waist very, VERY soon. That being said, Parker earned the win tonight, and even you can't deny that. All I know is that this win solves NONE of Parker's problems..he's still wifeless, lifeless, and HOPELESS! And Parker just came back into the arena and the crowd is losing it..and even bloody and beaten, dripping wet in his underwear, he can still get a strut in...albeit a brief one. Folks, we've got a special video presentation by Florida State Univeristy, and we'll be right back.