-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- [The lights suddenly cut to midnight blue as smoke floods the runway. "Dragula" by Rob Zombie blasts from the PA system and the fans are quick to turn up the heat as the EWC Television champion steps onto the entrance ramp. There is something more unsettling about his presence than usual--he's smiling.] [Sloan] Ladies and gentlemen, after months of suffering, after months of wallowing among the dregs of humanity, I have finally been rewarded, I have ascended out of the darkness and climbed back into the light. (the crowd is mumbling in confusion as they think back to the chaos from Slamrock) [Sloan] None of you get it do you? Slamrock was a night of gifts for this warrior of the light. It was marked the end of one chapter and the start of another, much more important, one. For one, Slamrock marked the return of TR Parker... (HUGE pop from the fans) [Sloan] Parker, thank you. From the very bottom of my blackened heart thank you for coming out of hiding. Thank you for giving me an opportunity I never thought I'd have... something not even the great power could provide me with. Your return to the ring gives me the chance to do something my first master could never do. Joshua Collins failed to defeat you. He was unable to withstand your trickery, he was consumed by your brainwashing, and he was forced to flee in disgrace. You destroyed a legend, and for that you cannot be forgiven. Parker, I am going to destroy you- I am STRONGER than Collins ever was, in body AND in mind. The next time you face me you won't be able to surprise me from behind, you will have to look directly into the face of holy avenger. And, as all forms of evil eventually learn, that is the last thing you will see. (the fans are even more hostile towards Sloan) [Sloan] Pardon me as I compose myself. (Sloan takes a deep breath) I sometimes allow my work to consume too much of my time and attention but after Slamrock that can no longer be the case. You see, not only did Slamrock present me with an incredible opportunity, but it also ended with my receiving the greatest gift a man could ever hope for. After all of my hard work and dilligence, after all that I have given up for others--I have been given something I had only dreamed of. I have been given the chance to pass on my knowledge, to teach others the way of the light, and the make sure my master's legacy always burns bright. I have been given the gift of CHILDREN!!! (the crowd initially gasps in shock and confusion but that soon turns to jeers as "Unforgiven" by Metallica and everything becomes all too clear. Joining Sloan at the entrance ramp, flanking him side by side, are Zach and Dan Rierson--The Children of the Apocalypse.) [Dan] We have spoken of our father, we have told you of Apocalypse, now you know the face behind the name. He is the ideal father. The leader of a future which will save your souls and bring pain and suffering to those in the darkness. We have been united for a common purpose. Our father needed our help and now we are here...ready to do anything for the cause... [Zach] Jeremy Bryron and TR Parker...two prophets of darkness who have dared to step in our way. I give you credit for your bravery and your hope, but it will help you none. You prevented our father from ending the reign of a madman. You have made him angry and that makes us even angrier--for this you must pay for severely. Jeremy, you thought you were funny...you decided to play mascarade. Tonight is not about fun and games. When we're through with our match tonight, you won't have to fake an injury, it will be all too real. And T.R., even though our father has his own plans for you, we're not passing up this chance to prove something...to prove that your kind are not in the same league as our father and never will be... [Sloan] Take these words to heart. For from now on this isn't just about ideologies, it isn't just about revenge...it's about BLOOD. (the crowd begins to roar in disapproval as the Children of the Apocalypse begin to leave--Sloan is about to join them when he suddenly turns back to the crowd) [Sloan] Slay-thing, don't think for one moment I've forgotten about you. Tonight I finish what I started long ago. Tonight, I enter your hell and leave you there for good. (Sloan drops the mic and leaves to serious heat) THOUGHTS: Well, at least it's not the same old Ministry shit...they're going for the My Two Sons angle. On the good side, I think CoA have some potential..but they need someone to work the mike for them at the moment and they need to learn to stop no-selling everything. That having been said, Sloan can use henchmen and this can probably allow for some six man matches on the houseshow circuit..and do the old Slayer/Parker "Can they trust each other" bit when they team. Match #3: FROZEN HELL vs. 2 COOL DUDES Dudes come out to "One Week" as per usual...boy are these guys not over. They're not even over as "dorky gimmick" heels..I think the Retro's have the market cornered on that one. Then "Fire on High" kicks in and Frozen Hell walks the aisle, along with Frieda and this week's Swedish Babe, Hortense. (HORTENSE!?!?!?) Lowe notes that their absence as of late has been due to their shooting of the next Frozen Hell movie. The boos re there but not very intense..out of sight, out of mind....They climb into the ring and Torvald takes the microphone: [Reikksen and Watkins entered the ring and looked at their opponents. As Watkins shed his coat, Reikkersen called for the mic.] [ICE]: 2 Cool Dudes. Cool. Brad, what do you get when something gets too cool? [Watkins had shed his coat and returned to Reikkersen's side. Reikkersen handed him the mic and went to remove his blue ring robe.] [BBW]: Torvald, it gets frozen. [Reikkersen rejoined Watkins.] [ICE]: So what you're telling me is that these two punks, want to grow up to be, well, us? [BBW] That's exactly what I'm saying. But look at them. Party Animal? heh, when was the last time Hef had you to the Mansion? ever been at a Hollywood premiere? We didn't think so. Why do you think May 19th is on the lips of every person out there? (Watkins sweeps the audience with an outstretched arm) I'll tell you why. "Frozen Hell: The Menacing Phantom" hits the shelves May 19, and they all want to see the greatness that is Torvald Reikkersen and Brad Watkins. (The fans...especially the Star Wars fans....boo like fiends) Nobody out there wants to see some rejects from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. So, Bill and Ted, or Otter and Flounder, whatever your names are, look at yourselves and then look at us. We're stars, and you'd be lucky if they let you sweep the theatre. But you know, Torvald and I haven't forgotten our roots. Granted, we actually have talent, but maybe...just maybe you two could be extras with our help. Do you think you could follow directions if we spoke really, really slow? What do you think, Torvald, think they could shoulder the responsibility that being a star requires? [Reikkersen gave the two "dudes" an appraising look.] [ICE]: Frankly, no. But ... wait. They obviously want to imitate the best. [He indicated himself and Watkins with a gesture.] So they've got some of the right ideas. What they need is some training, and it would behoove us to provide that instruction. Lesson one starts ... now! Reikkersen drops the mic and both members of Frozen Hell clothesline the Dudes over the top rope...then turn around to berate the fans on the other side, not noticing that the Dudes landed on their feet outside the ring..they jumped to the apron and hit twin springboard dropkicks just as FH turned around. Cue the Pier Six for a couple of minutes until it's just Watkins and Tommy B. Cool in there. Cool ducks a clothesline by Watkins and hits a legtrip on Watkins' kneepadded knee. then rolls up into a half crab onto Watkin's bad knee. Watkins flails around, gets to the ropes, Cool steps over the leg and then sitdown splashes the knee..then yanks him out of the corner and reapplies the half crab. Tag to Stevie, who comes in and they double posthole the knee into the canvas. Stevie then grapevines the leg with both of his legs and applies a crooked legscissors to the leg of Watkins. Watkins is *almost* reaching the ropes...and does thanks to a helping hand from Frieda when referee Wayne Winans wasn't wooking...err..looking. Watkins up to his feet, Stevie laying some kicks into the knee, finally getting Watkins onto his back. Tag to Tommy, Stevie slingshots Tommy into the ring and Tommy does a forward steamroll over Watkins leg. Cool grandstands for the fans a sec, and rolls into a dragon screw legwhip on Watkins for a huge pop. Tommy again grandstands for the fans, and this time goes for a Thesz press, which Watkins manages to reverse into a stungun. Watkins hobbles over to his corner and tags Reikkersen. Reikkersen carries the match for a bit, grabbing Tommy's leg and going to work on it...elbowdrops to the knee, kicks to the knee, a falling legdrop to the knee...standard Greg Valentine-ish stuff (Said just cause I'm tired of comparing Torvy to Flair). Watkins stays on the outside for a long time, only coming in to hit one move and then tag out again. Tommy fires a couple of shots at one point to Reikkersen's abdomen, and manages to crawl under Torvald's knees, but Torvy manages to grab the bum leg before Tommy can make the tag. He postholes it for good measure, then starts to wrap on the Figure Fjord..with both Watkins and Frieda taking turns holding his hands to increase the pressure while the ref wasn't looking. Stevie M tried to point things out to the ref but it just served as a distraction, giving FH a chance to work the knee some more. Finally, Torvy has a beaten Tommy in position for the Swedish Leg Sweep, when Stevie M dropkicks Torvy from behind, sending both men down in a forward leg sweep that knocked down both men (Cross wonders aloud why Stevie did that when it would have hurt his partner too). After the prerequisite slow, torturous crawl to the ropes, Icebreaker is up first...but Tommy makes the tag to Stevie. Cue the Frathouse 'o Fire (Overlord is the bomb!) as Stevie dropkicks everyone in sight, hits a double noggin knocker, and then spinkicks Watkins over the top rope... while this is going on in ring, there's commotion on the outside...as the two members of Siouxnami enter in from the crowd in different directions. Crazy Horse grabs the fallen Watkins, rams his head into the steel ringpost, then sets him up for a HARD Razor's Edge onto the concrete. Meanwhile, Sitting Bull picked up Tommy B. Cool and NAILED a Suplex Piledriver on the outside. He then called Crazy Horse over to where he was...they stuck their fists horizontally at each other, then Sitting Bull got Cool into a reverse Giant Swing (facedown) as Crazy Horse got on top of the annoucing table. Horse jumped off the table into what I think was meant to be a scissor kick but turned into a legdriver DDT instead as Bull completed the giant swing...WELL timed by both men. Meanwhile, IN the ring, Stevie kept on top of Torvald, whipping him to the ropes and then hitting a springboard double mulekick off the second rope. He at that point noticed Cool being assaulted by Siouxnami. He stared at the situation for a few seconds, then decided to turn his attention back to Reikkersen...who gave Stevie a shot in the nuts, followed by the Icebreaker Swinging Neckbreaker. Cover, 1..2...3. ########################################## # WINNER: Frozen Hell, via pinfall 8:12 # ########################################## By the time Reikkersen figured out what was going on and saw his partner down outside the ring, Siouxnami was already up to the head of the entrance ramp, giving their "tribal signal" as it were...the fans were booing rather lustily...not getting Chris Sim heat, but definitely ticking the paying customers off. Watkins was able to get up under his own power...Tommy B. Cool was far less fortunate. Once the paramedics got Tommy on the gurney, Stevie M. was with it enough to roll out of the ring and check on his partner. Cross said he'd try to get hospital updates as things went. Lowe stated that apparently Siouxnami was rather upset at not being included in the #1 contenders match, but followed it with the fact that they had been out of the sport for several years and that they needed to reprove themselves all over again. Cross counterdebates the point as a very angry looking individual, mid-20's, slicked back black hair, carrying a large sack, storms from the back and towards the ring. He tosses the bag into the squared circle, demands a house mic, and then sommersault over the rop rope and into the ring. The crowd continues about their business, not really paying much attention to his presence.] [???] (looking straight towards the back) That's right it's your worst nightmare in the flesh! I've got a mic and I'm gonna stand out here and tell all. You know there ain't a damn thing you talentless nimrods can do about it!!! I just DARE you to come out here and force me to leave. I've got it. How about you try to arrest me? That's such a new and creative idea it's right up your alley. I'd LOVE to see you try it. Or maybe you should hatch a giant egg and have a giant chicken try to make me leave--how about that!?! (he pauses and then nods his head as a big smirk fills his face) That's right, you suits just sit back there, hold your precious little accounting books and appreciate what real talent sounds like. [NOTE: Lowe's exact words at this point were "Who is *THIS* Raggedy Ass Ho?" Cross didn't know, and apologised to the fans for this outburst, stating it was not part of the scheduled broadcast] (the crowd has no idea what to make of this but a few can be audibly heard chanting "LEAVE THE RING") [???] You know, I come out here to clear the air, to try and get a fair shake in this hell hole and this is the kind of response I get. You don't even know who I am and you're chanting at me to leave? Really classy. I _could_ waste a lot of air making fun of your weights, or I could insult the over-used blow up dolls you call girlfriends, but I'm not going to waste my breath. Instead, how about I just tell you all to have a glass of SHUT THE HELL UP!!! (it's amazing how quickly a crowd can learn to dislike someone) [???] The name is Mike Powers. Not "Passionate" Mike Powers. Not Captain Powers. And certainly not Mike "Jackson" Powers. You are looking at the greatest light heavyweight talent to hit the ring since...well, to be frank, EVER. For the past 2 years I've torn up every indie federation along the east coast, I've knocked out legends in Japan, and I have still managed to keep up my boyish figure. (Checking h imself out) Not too shabby is it?. You want to know where all of that got me? (a few mutants instantly shout back "NO!") [Powers] Cute, just like your little sister when she wears those pig tails and that skir---you DON'T want to know that. Anyway, all of that work, all of those titles, moves you haven't even thought up for your little internet wrestling characters and it got me NOWHERE!!! I didn't even get a stinkin' return call to try out in this federation. (A "Shut the [bleep] up" chant starts to reverberate throughout the arena) [NOTE: Cross comes forth with saying that with the way this guy talks, he had to be Chris Sim's younger brother. Lowe then notes that for every "Canadian Menstruation", there had to be a little douchebag to clean up the mess. How that got past the censors at 9:30ish on a Tuesday night is beyond me] [Powers] *Ahem* The officials of this half-assed businees couldn't recognize talent if it fell into their laps--but they had no choice but to take notice when THE talent came and kicked in their front door. They paid attention and they haven't stopped watching ever since. Why else do you think I'm still talking? You might hate me, they certainly hate me, but they know that I'm for real and soon enough you'll have to accept the same thing. I got myself a try-out and when I was done everyone needed to take a break to go clean themselves up. I figured I was golden--shame on me. Apparently, in the EWC, if you don't come from Cut N' Shoot's backyard school of junk tossing and catchphrases you don't get a fair shake. Unless you're me, of course. AFTER they signed the contracts they sat me down and reapeatedly tried to bury my career before I ever stepped into the ring. (Powers reaches down into the bag that has just been lying in the ring) [Powers] I was given three options--actually, three "take it or leave it", choices for gimmicks to start out my EWC career with--drum roll please....option number one!!! (Powers pulls out a red fuzzy suit, matching hat, and black boots and a belt--it looks oddly familiar) [Powers] That's right ladies and gentlemen, the geniuses back there wanted to bring back the most popular character ever...SATAN CLAWS. No one seemed to mind that it is MAY, that I'm only 228 pounds and in PERFECT SHAPE, or that it was one of the WORST IDEAS EVER!!! So I had to pass. That brought us to our second option... (Powers reaches back into the bag and pulls out a black robe and a double-sided, red baton of sorts) [Powers] The return of the Imperial Armada or perhaps we should call it...COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT!!! Can anyone say capitalizing on somebody else's work? Steroids are one thing but they've got to lay off the hallucinogens. But then again, that looked great compared to the final insult, the proverbial straw that napped my spine. A man with MY talent, MY potential, MY dignity and they have the NERVE to suggest... (Powers pulls out an orange mask that resembles the head of the San Diego chicken--the crowd almost instantly starts clucking) [Powers] Exactly! It's a man, it's a plane, it's THUNDERCLUCK the worst idea in the HISTORY OF WRESTLING!!! This is what happens to people in the EWC who don't like rolling in barbed wire. Well it STOPS here!!! It STOPS with ME, MIKE POWERS!!! I am NOT going to put up with your [bleep]!!! It's time for things to change around here!!! (pointing straight towards the back) You want a catchy name!?! You want something to sell to these imbeciles!?! FINE--call me "The Revolution" because in the ring you're going to see things that boggle your mind, and, outside of it, I'm going to see to it that HEADS ROLL!!! (Powers spikes the microphone on the floor, punts the chicken-head into the crowd, flips over the top rope and heads to the back and the crowd is booing mercilessly...with a small "THUN-DER-CLUCK" chant going in the crowd) THOUGHTS: New Heel. New Light Heavyweight Heel. Here's hoping he can shut the critics up about EWC's LH matches being nothing but a bunch of spotfests. He looks interesting, but they're gonna have to build him slowly. They go to a commercial...and then: MILITAR de FURIA vs. Walt "The Walrus" Chizzneski Walt "The Walrus" Chizzneski already stands in the ring, leaning over the ropes having an argument with some guy in the front row about his weight, he is noticably irritated and already breaking a sweat. 'Faith' by Limp Bizkit cues up over the PA to a decent pop for the luchadore, El Militar de Furia. Furia jumps onto the apron and slingshots into the ring, scales the turnbuckle and acknowledges the crowd. The bell sounds and Walrus rushes Furia but Furia sidesteps the big man and drop kicks his legs, Walrus staggers, Furia off the ropes with a spinning heel kick to Chizzneski's head takes the big man down. Furia with a moonsault press to get a 1 count. Furia quickly climbs the turnbuckle and launches himself into the air, catches the Walrus by the head with his legs and takes him over with a flying headscissors. Walrus rolls under the ropes to the outside to take a breather. Furia capitalizes though, with a running somersault senton plancha onto Chizzneski which takes both men down. Furia the first to get up and mounts the guard rail, moonsault off the rail connects. Furia rolls into the ring to break the count, Chizzneski is up and hits a lariat on Militar on the outside. Walrus rolls Furia back into the ring and rolls back in himself. Walrus with a falling headbut, no one there, Furia rolls out of the way. Both men up, Walrus swings, Furia dodges and counters with a super kick to send the big man crashing down. Militar jumps onto the turnbuckle once more facing the crowd, moonsaults and twists to connect with a leg drop- La Rociada Meteoro. Furia covers... 1,2,3. ############################################# # WINNER: Militar de Furia, by pinfall 2:12 # ############################################# Before de Furia could relax from having his hand raised however, Sidi al Nassir ran down the entryway, rolled into the ring behind de Furias and pasted the masked luchador with a steel chair. Four successive chairshots left de Furia face-down on the mat, at which point al Nassir dropped the chair, hauled Militar up by his mask and nailed the Arabian Guillotine legdrop face first onto the steel chair. The Chic Sheikh then rolled out to the announcer's table and grabbed a microphone. [Sidi al Nassir] It is not over, de Furias......we are not finished.....your cowardly refusal to stay in the ring with me cost me my shot at the EWC's Light-Heavyweight title and you have dodged me ever since. Tonight......tonight was just the first down-payment on the revenge I intend to have....WE WILL MEET AGAIN!!! THOUGHTS: This would be a Wakeup Call feud if there was still a Wakeup Call to be held....unfortunately ever since the WB got the rights to broadcast Pokemon in the US, Wakeup Call has been pushed to 6 in the morning where we never get to see it. One of these days I'll remember to set a VCR, but it's mainly squashes and LotR highlights anyways. Commericals, we'll be back after I have dinner. =)