Graviton Sightseeing
A self insertion fanfic by Eddie Vagg
Project A-ko & characters are property of Soeishinsha/Final-Nishijima, Central Park Media/Island World Communications. Hyperguide is a trademark of Vanguard Media. This is a work of fanfiction for fun, so... Not for sale or rent.
Prologue: Ed: (Voiceover) It took me weeks, but I finally got it. As an A-ko fan, The Project A-ko Hyperguide was a holy grail. Sadly, It wasn't being distributed in Australia, let alone Canberra. Luckily, the local Cybercafe (where I get my Anime) was able to order it in. (And the screensaver too! Bonus!)
Little did I know what was in store for me... (Dramatic Music swells)
Ed: (thinking) Hey, check out these pictures! And it's got soundtrack songs! And what's this? (Reading packaging) <Bonus First Edition Colour Picture Disk & Interdimensional Travel!>
Ed: (startled) What?
Sure enough, the main menu screen has an Icon labelled "Interdimensional Travel, don't touch."
Ed: This I gotta see...
Click.
Ed is now standing on a long and winding road, a large bay before him. A city metropolis is built in the middle of the bay, and a large spaceship balances precariously on top of the tallest tower in the city.
Ed: (thinking) Wow! I'm really in Graviton City! (earth trembles)
SLAM!!!!
Ed goes flying.
A-ko: (over her shoulder) Sorry!
Catapaulted into the shrubbery, Ed nurses his wounds. Ed: S**t! Right in the middle of the street! I should have known better!
D: (also nursing her wounds.) Tell me about it...
Ed: (Thinking) Thank god I'm in the dubbed A-ko universe. Otherwise they'd be a language barrier. Well, rule number one of Time/Interdimensional travel states that I should NOT intervene with anyone, otherwise I risk causing a paradox or something. I'll have to keep that in mind...
Ed starts idly wandering toward the city.
Ed: (thinking) Ok, almost everybody will be at work, or school right now, so there's virtually no chance I will bump into, or interact with anybody major. Good.
Before long, Ed has crossed one of the Bay Bridges, and is now in Graviton's shopping district.
Ed: (thinking) I can't understand a word of these signs, so I'll just enter the shops at random.
Ed enters a shop.
Ed: Whoops!
The author is in a Porno Bookshop, Videos take up one wall, assorted marital aids take up a display cabinet.
A tall, handsome man wearing motorbike leathers clutches a stack of porno videos. He looks familiar.
Ed: (Forgetting about his rules of interdimensional travel) Hey Kei!
Kei looks up.
Ed: (Thinking) Well, no paradoxes have happened yet, hey wait! I can help solve everybody's problems! (outloud) Um... Kei, forget all about C-ko. She's not ready for romance. Go for A-ko! I've got a feeling about you two... And above all, NEVER marry B-ko. She's manipulative and extremely selfish.
Kei looks at Ed strangely.
Ed: (thinking) That's right! From the looks of things I'm between Project A-ko's 1 & 2. Kei dosen't meet A-ko and company till Project A-ko 3!
Ed: (embarrased) Well, think about what I have told you for the future. (chuckles nervously) Uh... Bye!
Walking along the street, Ed notices something strange. A van labled "Magami Party Entertainers" is parked out front of a costume store.
Ed: Whaaat!
Ed presses his face against the display window of the store. Inside the store A-ko's father is trying on a Spiderman costume, while A-ko�s mum eyes a Catwoman outfit.
A-ko's Dad: I'll take this one.
Shop attendant: O.K sir.
Ed: (thinking) Well, how about that! A-ko's parents are actually �normal�! I wonder just how she got her powers...
A-ko: Gee, I forgot to pack lunch again.
C-ko: Don't worry A-ko, I made you a lunch today!
A-ko: (thinking) Oh no!
Ed steps out from the bushes, brandishing a tray of Mod Burgers.
Ed: Here, A-ko! Uh... You don't know me, but you look kinda hungry.
A-ko: (doubtful) I dunno... I don't take food from strangers.
C-ko: (indignant) Besides A-ko likes my home cooking, not Junk Food. Isn't that right, A-ko?
A-ko: (grimacing) Uh...
Ed: (shrugs) O.K, your loss. Oh well. (looks dejected)
Ed slinks into the shrubbery, and trips over Ine, who�s hiding there.
Ed: Waaah!
Ine: Get OFF me you creep!
Ed: Sorry! Whoops, I got food all over your Handicam. Let me wipe it off...
SLAM!!
B-ko and her gang are at one of the schools balconies, the view of the schoolyard below.
B-ko: And you say this stranger approached A-ko, then turned, and tackled you.
Ine nods, ashamed.
B-ko: IDIOT! You must take more care in your survailance in future. In the meantime... (turns to Asa and Mari) You two find this stranger, and follow him.
Asa: Yes Miss Daitokuji!
Mari: (Deep growl) Hnrrrr!
A wounded author staggers down the street.
Ed: (thinking) AAARGH! I could use a cold one. Wait, that looks like a Pub!
Ed enters the bar, and settles down on a stool.
Bartender: What can I get ya?
Ed: (hopefully) Carlton Cold.
Bartender: Nope, don�t have that one. Would you settle for a Fosters?
Ed looks pained.
Bartender: It IS full strength...
Ed: (sigh) O.K. Beggars can�t be choosers...
At that moment Captain Napolipolita crashes into the bar.
Captain: BOOZE!!!!
The bartender, recognising his frequent customer pulls out half a dozen bottles of wine, and a single glass.
Capatin: (sharply) Thank YOU very much!
Ignoring everyone else, The Captain sits down and starts skulling her liquor.
Ed: Hey! You�re the Captain!
Captain: (swig) Ex Captain. Go away.
Ed: (sigh) Yeah, life sucks dosen�t it? (swig)
Captain: (tilts head curiously) Hmmm?
Ed: It�s true, isn�t it? Just about how no matter how much you try, nothing goes as you plan. (swig) Sometimes there isn�t any point, is there?
The Captain refills her glass.
Captain: How true.
The Captain drains the glass with one gulp, then refills her glass again.
Asa and Mari huddle round the corner outside the bar.
Asa: It�s no good. We can�t see in there, and we are both underage. Wait, You look old enough, Mari!
Mari: (high pitched girly voice) Do you think so?
Asa: Yeah, sure you do. Just stride on in as if you own the place.
Mari: (high pitched voice) I�ll give it a shot...
CRASH! Forgetting to duck, Mari�s head puts a sizable dent in the door frame.
Mari: (Deep Growl) Grrr.... Sorry.
Ed: Holy Sh... Uh... Bartender, that girl is only 16 years old. You�d better tell her to leave.
Bartender: Speak for yourself... What you like to drink, sir?
Mari: Mam! (looks girlish) I�d like a Lemon Squash, please.
Mari sits at a table, pulls out a newspaper, and peers over it at the author.
Ed: (thinking) Now I�m scared. What to do? I know.. I�ll make a (outloud) RUN FO IT!
Ed springs from his stool, and dashes out the door. Mari, ever alert, tackles the author, crushing him.
Mari: (high pitched voice) You�re dead and you don�t even know it yet.
Ed: Aaargh....
Asa: Mari! Can�t you do anything right? We were supposed to WATCH him. Miss Daitokuji won�t be very happy.
Ed: (gasp) My Medicare number is in my wallet...
The Author falls unconcious.
It is now nighttime, tacky neon lighting from the soon to be opened Spaceship-Hotel resort bathes Gravitron City in an unearthly glow. A-ko and C-ko are in casual clothes, and are treading the footpath, set for a night on the town. (The usual, movies, then icecream.)
C-ko: I�m so very happy you ate my lunch A-ko. It�s a shame though you didn�t finish it...
A-ko: Huh? I was afraid it would finish me!
C-ko: Didn�t you like my food? I cooked it just for you, A-ko!
A-ko: Well... Ahhh... (thinking) What can I say to C-ko without hurting her feelings?
Distracted, A-ko trips over Ed, who is still lying unconcious on the footpath.
A-ko: Hey!
Ed awakens.
Ed: (Grumpy) Oh for Christ�s sakes..
A-ko: Sorry... You�re that guy who offered me lunch today, aren�t you. (thinking) That poor man... Lying on the pavemant like that...
C-ko: Come on A-ko, the movie�s on soon...
Ed: Yeah, that�s me. I�m Eddie.
A-ko: I�m A-ko... But you already knew that, didn�t you?
C-ko: A-ko...
Ed: (Thinking) Whoops! I�d better not let on that I�m real and she�s just an Anime character. (outloud) Uh.. Well, I heard your friend mention your name. (phew!)
A-ko: My friend? Oh, this is C-ko.
Ed: (extends his hand) Glad to meet you, C-ko.
C-ko: (snaps) A-ko, IT�S TIME FOR THE MOOVEEE!!!!
A-ko:(blushes) C-ko!
Ed: (also embarrased) Don�t worry, A-ko, she�s right. I�m holding you guys up. I�d better get going anyway, long drive home. Y�know. Well, Seeya!
Ed turns with a move that was supposed to be heroric, but bumps into a signpost, ruining the moment.
Ed: D�oh!
A-ko giggles.
C-ko: Grrr...
Ed: I�ll see you soon. (thinking) After all, I have all six Project A-ko videos at home...
A-ko: Yeah, ok. (notes C-ko impatiently tugging at her arm.) Bye!
As A-ko and C-ko disappear round the corner, the Author ponders the days events so far...
B-ko: Who is that stranger, and why is he gazing into space like that?
Ed: Hey! Check it out! A genuine EDF Airship! I wonder what the scrolling message is? (Reading Electronic Billboard) <Spaceship Hotel due to open in only 7 days.> (Thank God for subtitles!)
Ed: Cool!
All of a sudden, Ed looks worried.
Ed: (thinking) Uh oh... Just realised, I have no idea how to get back home. Well, I can try this...
Ed turns around on a spot, and clicks his heels together.
Ed: There�s no place like home. There�s no place like home. There�s no place like home. DAMN!!!!
B-ko: It�s a good thing I split up the team for surveilance. (into radio) Mari, good job.
Mari, hiding conspicuously in a phone booth, nods back.
The next day...
It is a typical morning in classrom 2-E.
Miss Ayumi Sensei: (reading from textbook) For days and days the millionaire�s assistant impetuously chases the moon...
A-ko and B-ko, both wearing torn uniforms from the morning�s fight are silent, and scowling. C-ko is preoccupied in watching the learner Mecha pilots out the window.
C-ko: I want to have a go with those neat robots!
The Author clutches the iron bars of the school gates, and stares wistfully at the same Mecha Education class.
Ed: (thinking) Gallantry Training Mecha! To pilot one of those... Problem. I�m not a student of Gravitron High School for Girls...
I�VE GOT IT!
Ed ducks behind a bush, and re-emerges dressed in a girls school uniform.
Ed: (thinking) It�s a good thing I�m stuck in a comedy anime universe where characters can conjure up props where appropirate... (Let�s forget I�m real for this hole in the plot...)
Ed approaches the class.
Instructor: Ok, who�s next? Ed: (Waving hand like crazy, and using a bad falsetto) Me! Pick ME!!!
Instructor:Well... Ok... But I don�t remember seeing you before. Ed: (falsetto) I�m new to this school.
Instructor: (thinking) That 5 O�Clock shadow is even worse than Mari�s! (outloud) Climb right in.
Ed climbs a step ladder into the cockpit of the Gallantry.
The class chuckles at the author�s hairy legs.
Ed: Allright!
The arms of the Gallantry move into position, cradling an imaginary gun pod.
Ed: (over loudspeaker) Prepare to die, Zentraedi scum bucket! Hahaha!
Instructor: (Annoyed) Quit fooling around! Ok, bring it up in line with this other unit over there...
Ed�s Mecha takes a few unsteady steps.
Ed: Whoaa! How do you stop this thing?
Instructor: Just check your mirrors, and gently apply the brakes.
Ed: Huh?
Instructor: THE BRAKES, STUPID!
Ed: Ok, I�ll just pull this lever...
The Gallantry gains momentum, heading for the school boundry. The quick thinking instructor leaps into a spare Gallantry Mecha.
Instructor: Stop your Mecha now, or you will fail the semester!
Ed: (pulling all the levers in sight) I�m trying!
Running even faster, the Gallantry flattens the school gates. The instructor chases after Ed, who is now panicking.
Ed: AAARGH!
Instructor: Damn! Don�t panic. Just press the emergency shutdown switch!
Ed: (Scanning control panel) I can�t see it anywhere!
CRASH THUD!
Ed is thrown from the Gallantry at almost 80 kph, as the mecha trips into a missile crater from A-ko & B-ko�s morning�s fight.
Instructor: (to an unconsious Ed) That�s a zero for you, missy!!!
Ed: (thinking) That�s a glorious view. Too bad for the city when the spaceship finally falls off that perch...
One of the bushes, with a boom mike projecting from it tiptoes inconspicuously towards the author.
Ed: What the...
Curious, Ed approaches the moving bush, and peers into it. Ume is huddled in the bush with some sound equipment.
Ed: Hello Ume. Tell B-ko I�m not getting involved in any of her hairbrained schemes. Also, tell her to lighten up a little. Have a good one!
B-ko: HOW DARE HE! Nobody humiliates me and get�s away with it! He MUST be destroyed! Mari, you know what to do. DON�T let me down.
Mari: (salutes) Grrr!
Thunder rumbles in the distance, and rain starts to fall at Ed�s place. The rain soon reaches downpour level, soaking the garden.
Ed is back is the city, bemoaning his lack of accomodation.
Ed: (thinking) How Ironic! A 30 000 room hotel is right above me, but it�s not open for another 6 days! Well, I�m not sure how I spent last night, (forgot to write that bit) but I�m not spending another night in amnesia.
Maybe I can find a motel or a youth hostel. I hope I have more luck than Mum did when she visited Japan. (Private family joke)
Ed�s monologue is interrupted by a large shadow.
Mari: (Girly voice) Found you! Let�s rumble!
Ed: S**t! Ahhh... Let�s not and just say we did...
Mari: (GRRR) (Girly voice) You don�t have a choice. Say your prayers!
Mari launches into her infamous �flashing fists of fury� about a thousand punches a second.
Mari: Hiyayayayayayaya! THUD.
A-ko stands defiantly between Mari and the grateful author, having caught Mari�s fist. A-ko then picks up Mari, and hurls her into a nearby dumpster.
A-ko: What a bully!
Ed: Whoa! Thanx!
A-ko: You�re not hurt?
Ed: (dryly) Nah. Not this time.
A-ko: It�s a good thing C-ko and I were passing by! I�d invite you to tag along but...
C-ko: (protectively cuddles A-ko) GRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!
Ed: C-ko? Don�t be jealous of me! I wanna be your friend! Look. I brought you a present.
C-ko: Grrrrrrr....
Ed whips out a backpack, shaped like a Koala.
Ed: Here C-ko, lets�s make peace. I brought this along just for you.
C-ko: (sudden mood change) Look A-ko, how cute! A Koala Backpack!
A-ko: That was very thoughtful of you, Eddie.
Ed: (gloating) It was, wasn�t it! Seriously, I thought C-ko might like it.
C-ko: Thank you! I�ll cook you a lunch tomorrow if you like!
Ed: (looking sick) Gee... that�s very generous of you...
CRR-CRACK!!!!
A lightning bolt strkes a tree, which splits in two. The struck tree brings down a power line, cutting the power supply to Ed�s house.
Ed�s computer, still running the Project A-ko Hyperguide winks out.
Ed suddenly appears in front of his computer.
Ed: Home! Fantastic to be back! I wonder how much time has passed since I left....
Now, to load up the Project A-ko Screensaver. I wonder what lies in store for me?
The End.
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Thank you for reading.