Novena
Novena
He is small and frail, dwarfed by the door frame from which he peeks out at you, drawn in shadows and the flickering light of the television screen. It is set to ESPN, you can see; from over his shoulder Janne Niinimaa stares at you with wide, dispassionate eyes. somewhere in Edmonton this scene is being carried out with different actors. Somewhere in Montreal, in Chicago, in New York; the same words, over and over, tears and soft touches and broken hearts.
"Pittsburgh," he says, and Todd's hand tightens around yours, gripping desperately. "I asked to stay the night. I can't play anyway," he sighs, gesturing helplessly to his splinted wrist, "so they didn't care."
Todd sniffs quietly at this, trying not to cry, and offers in a tremulous voice, "Heinsy will be there."
"That's true," Matt concedes. He seems to think about it for a moment, then he looks up at Todd with wide, shining eyes. "But you won't be."
Todd sucks in a sharp breath, and a small, wounded sound escapes his throat, like an animal caught in a trap. He takes a stumbling step forward and Matt throws the door open, pulling the older man into his arms. They cling to each other, desperately, afraid to let go; two drowning men poised above the waves, counting breaths until the bottom. And you, you are outside, watching them sink, and you have never felt so helpless.
"I'll let you two be alone," you hear yourself saying, trying to do The Right Thing despite the desperate ache in your heart. But Todd's arm snakes out to wrap around you and draw you into their embrace, and soon you are surrounded by that warm, stinging love, and to your shock you begin to cry.
Someone closes the door as the three of you stumble inside, crashing your way to Matt's bed where you fall in a jumble of arms and legs. There are hands and mouth everywhere, hot and frenzied with desperate passion. It doesn't matter who's touching who, you are coming together as one, and it is as beautiful and dangerous as the first time, the last time, the years and the fights and the wins and the losses and the wives and the good times and the nights...
"Don't leave," Todd gasps, and to your surprise you find the echo of that plea on your lips. Todd mumbles feverish promises into Matt's mouth as you map the rest of his body with your tongue, lapping up sweat and tears and regrets from his soft skin. Your voices are perfect together, point and counterpoint, melody and harmony, the whispers rising into a muffled torrent as you make ecstatic, anguished love.
"Love you," Todd whispers into Matt's mouth.
"Love you," you confess into the curve of his shoulder.
"Love you," Todd pants against his chest.
"Love you," you moan against his stomach.
"Love--you--" Todd gasps as he thrusts into Matt's body, followed by a strangle cry from both.
"Love you," you mumbles as you put your mouth on him and feel his thighs begin to tremble beneath your hands.
"L-love--ah, I-I love--" Matt stumbles, fingers clenching in your hair. "Oh god, I love you," Matt whispers across Todd's lips as he arches off the bed and comes against your tongue. You lick him tenderly clean and he whimpers at the sensation and jerks away, pulling you up by your hair for a kiss. It is quick and hot and sloppy, and then Todd's mouth replaces yours and he kisses Matt breathlessly as both of their hands wrap around your dick and bring you off. The clench of your stomach as you come is not quite satisfying, and you're left feeling a little empty. You would have liked to have had someone kiss you when you came.
Matt and Todd are completely wrapped up in each other now, however, not that you thought it would be any different. Whatever they feel for you, it isn't love; not true love, like this, anyway. They are oblivious to everything around them, lost in a world of kissing and soft touches that the two of them have created. You would like to be a part of that world. You would like to be in Matt's place. As soon as the thought comes to you, you chastise yourself. Why shouldn't they have some time to themselves? They're in love. And Matt leaves tomorrow.
Matt leaves tomorrow. Forever.