When the Lights Went Out
The day was clear and bright, the sun shining its brilliant beam onto the children that played in the park outside her window. It was, in the opinion of many, a perfect day. Not too hot, not too cold, the air fresh and crisp, a gentle breeze whispering through the veils of green leaves that covered the trees. Perfect. Perfect for a wedding. A wedding she was not welcome at. The pain she felt at such a rejection cut deeply. SHE should have been the one standing up there, dressed in white, holding her father�s arm as she waited for the musical cue that would link them emotionally in a new future together. Instead, she sat staring out a window, the music of the past - their past - playing hauntingly in the background. Somewhere, across an ocean, he stood, speaking clearly the words that were as old as time, the words that would join him forever to someone else. To her. And she, well, she wasn�t even there. Not as a colleague. Not as his former partner. Not as his friend. She wasn�t there. She wasn�t welcome. It shouldn�t have mattered. Not really. She wanted so badly to believe that. But deep inside, in the heart she had suddenly decided to hide from the world, in the heart that cried silent tears late at night when no one was around to hear, it mattered. He had made the choice to share his life with someone else, and in making that choice, he had effectively cut her out of his life. Swiftly, quickly, painfully. She bit her lip, as the sounds of the children wafted through her window. Happy� carefree. They had once been that way. She could see his image playing across her mind, the lightness in his eyes radiating from deep inside, the gentle teasing, the comforting touches. The ready-made smile he had always seemed to have for her. That had changed. He had met her, she had met him. And everything had changed. The light had gone out. Tears blurred her vision, and she angrily brushed them away. It was over. She would be wise to accept that, to move on. She didn�t know if she could. She wondered what he was doing at that exact moment. Was he cutting the cake? Dancing his first dance with his new wife? Was he thinking about her? Wishing she were there? She missed him. She picked at the imaginary flecks of lint from her light t-shirt, stretching her long limbs from the corner she had curled into. Was he settling down for the first night with her? Pulling her near? Were they making love? She felt a jolt of searing agony at the thought. Ridiculously, she had waited for the invitation. Waited almost recklessly, spending days watching her mail. Hoping. Praying. It had never come. As the day drew nearer, she�d been forced to accept that it didn�t exist. Hell, she thought wryly, maybe they had never existed, not really. Maybe it had been an illusion. Had she really imagined the look in his eyes that had once existed? It didn�t seem possible. She glanced longingly at the bottle of rum sitting carelessly on her counter. She�d never been one to turn to alcohol for comfort, but suddenly, she felt like getting good and damn well drunk. After all, who would see her? She was alone. Alone. The empty room seemed the scream the word. The quiet home taunting her, a reminder that the fantasies of her heart were destined to go unfulfilled. She took a long swig from the bottle, followed by another, and another. It was late into the night when she swallowed the last drop from the bottle. It hadn�t been a large bottle, but it had done its work, she thought almost cheerfully. Except for the beginnings of a truly pounding headache, she felt great. Well� maybe not so great, she revised, as she attempted to stand up. She swayed dizzily, a little giggle escaping her lips. Maybe for once, when the lights went out, her dreams wouldn�t be haunted by what might have been. �That stuff works fast�� She giggled again. It was rare for her to drink anything, especially in that quantity. The pounding headache seemed to be growing though� it was as though they had set off a symphony in her head, and it was following an ever-increasing crescendo. And a voice seemed to be joining in. She laughed, the sound slurred, even to her ears, her hands raised to conduct their uneven tempo. �Ally!� Since when was there a song with her name in it? �Allison! Open the damn door!� Her head hurt, she decided, sliding to the floor in an unceremonious heap. She wanted it to stop. Her hands moved instinctively to her ears, trying to block out the sounds, as she shut her eyes, determined not to give in. Maybe the alcohol hadn�t been such a wonderful idea after all. Her eyes flew open, however, at the feel of gentle hands on her own, pulling them away from her ears, tugging her to her feet. She swayed, the room spinning in a complex pattern. Her eyes widened as she tried to focus on the person in front of her. Him. �Are you all right?� �Oh lord� I�m seeing things now� guess I better not do this again.� She slurred. He glanced down, sharp eyes taking in the empty bottle of Bacardi that sat at their feet. �I think you�re going to have one hell of a hangover in the morning.� He observed wryly. �Come on, let�s get you tucked in, before you fall down.� She allowed him to pull her along, stumbling over her feet, as he led her to her room. He pushed her towards the bed. �Get some rest now. We�ll talk in the morning.� �Don�t go!� Her eyed filled with tears, and she clung to him, moulding herself to his body. �If I�m going to see things, the least you could stay with me�keep me warm.� She seemed to mull it over to herself. �Do hallucinations stay with you? Oh, who cares. It may not be real, but it�s all I�ll ever have� the closest I�ll ever get to the one I love.� She rubbed enticingly against him. His fingers brushed aside her tears. �I�m not going anywhere, and I assure you, you aren�t seeing anything, although I imagine when you wake up in the morning you�re going to wish that you had been.� He grinned and gently extracted himself from her grasp. �Get some sleep love, and we�ll talk later, all right?� �K�� Her eyes had closed before the word even escaped from her lips, and seconds later, a light snoring filled the room. He shook his head. Of all the things he had expected to find, and of all the things he�d expected to hear, this had not been one of them. Pulling a chair up, he sat down, preparing for a long night. She was worth it. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ She found herself awake several hours later, the darkness of night still surrounding her, her head pounding, yet suddenly clear. She didn�t know what had possessed her to drink that much that night� she�d never done that in her life. And wasn�t likely to again, she realised as her stomach prepared to heave its contents. She was out of bed and running for the bathroom in a shot. Gentle fingers held her hair back as she lost the little contents of her stomach into the toilet. Gentle fingers wiped her forehead with a damp cloth, waiting until she was done. �Better now?� The quiet voice asked. She jerked, frozen in place. That had been a dream. A hallucination even. It had not been real. Had it? Slowly, she turned her gaze, taking in the rumpled clothes, the night�s growth on his cheeks. The eyes, watching her slowly and intensely. Her face turned a fiery red as she recalled the events of several hours before. �Oh hell.� She proceeded to bury her face in her hands. He laughed. �I kind of thought you might say that.� He shook his head at her. She didn�t move, simply stared at him through her fingers, speechless for a rare moment in her life. �Allison?� He asked gently. �How� what? I� why? I don�t understand.� She whispered. �When?� �I got in last night.� He explained gently. �You were a little� uhhh� tipsy, shall we say?� She groaned. �You WOULD have to remind me of that, wouldn�t you?� �Just doing my duty.� �Why are you here, Dominic?� Her voice turned suddenly serious. �Shouldn�t you be with Maija?� He looked down for a moment. �I couldn�t do it, Ally.� �What do you mean, couldn�t do it?� �I couldn�t marry her.� He sighed. �She knew, I think, even before I did. She knew.� �Knew what?� He was talking in riddles, she thought. �That I didn�t love her.� He paused, and then barely skipping a beat, �Allison, why the alcohol?� It was her turn to look away, grabbing her toothbrush and mumbling at him as she got rid of the horrible taste invading her mouth. �I didn�t want to think about it.� �About what?� �About you. Your wedding.� Her voice was barely a whisper. �Did you mean what you said?� He took a tentative step closer. �Last night. Did you mean it?� �Why does that matter?� Her voice held a desperate note. �Why do you care?� �Because� because I love you. That�s why.� The words flowed out of him in a rush, and he hauled her into his arms, pressing his lips to hers, and creating an explosion of feeling that neither had imagined existed. Her resistance faded the moment his hands touched her skin, her own body clinging to his just as desperately, just as wantonly. Her lips parted with the gentle pressure of his tongue, tasting, teasing. She closed her eyes, melting against him. He pulled away gently. �Say it.� She stared up at him, her breath ragged, her lips parted. �Oh Dominic, how could you not know how much I love you? It used to scare me� I thought I was so obvious about it. Nick, I love you.� His eyes closed for a brief moment, and he crushed her to him. �You don�t know how long I�ve dreamed of hearing that.� ~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~ Several weeks later, she stopped in the doorway and smiled. It seemed like forever ago that the nights had been the hardest time. Yet suddenly she had something to look forward to when the lights went out.
