Feigning Death

Chapter Four

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lucius silently listened to Severus' angry rant. Memories of a similar diatribe flooded his mind, only he had been the one to shout them in anger while Severus had patiently waited. That night had been a lifetime ago, yet Lucius could recall every vivid detail as if it had just happened. His final words had echoed through his dreams, never allowing him to forget the pledge he had made.

Narrowing his eyes, Lucius finally interjected with a cold voice, "You ask me to let you die when you bestowed no such mercy on me?"

Severus was stunned into silence and Lucius took measured steps until he stood toe to toe with the dark haired potions master. "I never asked for you to save my life, Severus, you took that upon yourself. Tonight, I merely kept my word."

Severus gave Lucius a blank stare for a moment, but he did not back away. He stood tall and firm and stared into his friend’s face, just inches from his own. He gave the blond man a shrewd look, “Tell me, Lucius, what should I have done that night? Should I have just stood there and watched as your life drained away? You would have wasted yourself like that? The life you lead now is a complete contradiction to any such notion! You did not want to die that night, no matter what you may say now. I saw it in your eyes. You didn’t need to ask. You couldn’t ask because your damn pride wouldn’t let you.” He paused, letting his words sink in.

He was surprised when Lucius stayed silent.

“Don’t insult me, Malfoy. I didn’t save you for your sake. You know that. I saved you because she asked me to. She loved you. I wasn’t going to let your selfishness destroy her too. She was just a girl and you were going to leave them both. Because you were a coward, too afraid to face the fact that you’d gotten yourself in too deeply and that there was no way out. Bringing shame and tarnish to the family name. Your downfall, as always.” His last few sentences were filled with razor edges that could cut the souls of lesser men. He glared at Lucius, daring him to interrupt again.

Lucius remained silent and very still. No movement at all. There was a distant look in his eyes, but Severus knew he was hearing every word.

You always let me finish. I don’t know why, Lucius, but you’ve always been so patient with me. It’s bloody annoying, you bastard.

What can I possibly mean to you? You should hate me. We’ve nothing in common, and all I’ve ever done is make you angry. Livid, in fact. Why do you even bother? What the bloody hell is wrong with you? He glared at Malfoy a moment longer, as though the answers to his impossible questions could be found on his friend’s face.

“I’ve known you far too long for my own good, Malfoy. You want something of me. So what is it now?” When there was still no response, Severus became very quiet and slowly withdrew into himself.

But first, he had to finish the words he had always meant and had only just begun to say. “That ridiculous promise you made was in the heat of the moment. I never held you to it, and I still don’t. And you damn well know it. I’ve never asked you for a thing, not in all our years together. I want nothing from you. And I want nothing to do with you any longer. Our friendship was never good. For anyone. All it ever offered either of us was strained silence and painful reminders. And plenty of death to anyone who haplessly crossed our path.”

Lucius' eyes narrowed momentarily, Snape's harsh words cutting through him like a knife. Finally, he spoke, his voice low and dangerous, "You should know better than anyone, Severus, that I never make a rash decision without careful thought. Had my word seemed like a ridiculous promise, I would have never sworn my allegiance to you."

"Perhaps, but you weren't yourself that night, Malfoy."

"Never was I more myself than that moment. I wanted nothing of you, Snape. If that is why you think I spoke out against the Dark Lord, you are sorely mistaken."

"Then why the bloody hell did you, Lucius? You knew it was suicide to say such things to him!"

"What does it matter now? I realize that I acted in vain. You saw my pledge as nothing more than mere foolishness, whereas that night has haunted me for years. Perhaps it was suicide, but at least I kept to my bond."

"Are you insinuating that I did not, brother?" He threw the last word as though it were a dagger aimed straight for Lucius's heart.

Lucius stared Severus down for several long moments before muttering, "No, but I never, for once, questioned you."

Severus met Lucius's gaze and did not waver. He waited several moments before replying shrewdly, "Perhaps you should have. Then we would both be dead and this nightmare ended. This is a deadly game we play at, Lucius. It has been nothing but foolishness from the start. Foolish schoolboys with foolish notions of grandeur."

"What would our deaths bring, Severus? Justice? My dear friend, our nightmare would have ended, but there would only have been more to fill our shoes." Lucius turned towards the roaring firing before continuing. "It's a pity that you feel all of this is wasted and foolish. I would have expected more from you, Severus, but it seems that your time with Dumbledore has made you as worthless as him."

"Worthless? You dare to insult him in front of me? I thought you knew me better than that, Malfoy. We were fools, Lucius to follow the Dark Lord. Dumbledore saved me from being worthless. He gave me a purpose when I had none." He glared at Lucius's back, anger rushing through his veins at the blond man's insult. He clenched his fists, but did not raise them. Instead, several moments later, he continued, "I have grown too weary to care about others, Lucius. That has done nothing for me. I care too much for many, yet I am utterly alone. I simply want an end. Life is torture for me, Lucius." The last sentence was barely a whisper and it was filled with great pain. He closed his eyes and continued, willing Lucius to understand, but knowing he would not. "I have nothing left and you have denied me the only opportunity I had. If I were younger, I would kill you now. As it is, I don't care any longer. About anything. Least of all, my own life." He paused, and let out a great sigh, "But I will do whatever you wish of me, Lucius. So what is it you want?"

Lucius turned back to his one time life-long friend with a bitter expression. "I see now what a waste it was for me to save you. You are not the Severus I once called my brother. Look at you, nothing to look forward to except your own death! Pathetic, Snape, utterly pathetic. You praise Dumbledore to no end, yet what has he given to you besides false hope of salvation. As I see it, he is no more true to you than Voldemort. You've merely traded masters, Severus, but you are still a slave. I want you to live. Live knowing that I denied you the one thing you've wanted...death."

"Perhaps I am pathetic, Lucius, but you are no better. What have you to look forward to? You are as much a slave as I, but at least my master has respect for me. My master stands for what is right in the world. Killing is pointless, Lucius. Death itself is pointless. I desire death no more than any man, but I am not so stupid as to think I can escape punishment for my traitorous act to Voldemort." He paused for a moment, his eyes glittering strangely as a fresh will flowed into his veins. "Dumbledore is the only man I will obey, Lucius. Do not think to place yourself so high in my esteem as him. He has done much more than you. You have never saved my life. Dumbledore saved me. You have delayed what was the inevitable for me, but now you have cast yourself beside me. You shall die at the wand of your precious Dark Lord, and for what? A ridiculous oath you swore to me because of one night in a succession of many filled with nothing but mistakes. We were both fools. And I see you are still a fool." He paused once more, a sneer spreading across his face, "It's a pity Draco looks up to you so much. If he knew the truth of his father, he would be ashamed. True shame like he has never known. He worships you, just as you worship Voldemort. What a sight it would be to see you fall in his eyes."

Lucius sneered angrily, enraged and insulted. "The only shame Draco will ever feel is knowing that his father died beside a coward."

Severus laughed, "I should hardly think so. He thinks nearly as highly of me as he does of you. He'd never believe the truth of what I am. Just as he wouldn't believe the truth of what you are."

"So, it comes down to this, then? You would cast me aside so easily after all I have done for you, asking nothing in return? Clearly I was the fool after all. A fool to ever think of you as a brother."

"And what have you done for me, Lucius? I have called you brother all my life, even when I hated you, and you have denied me my honor and my death. It comes down to nothing. There will never be an end, Lucius. We don't deserve one. Our destinies have ever been entwined, despite all our best efforts. So I am bound to you once more." He paused, old memories washing over him, and then he did the thing both of them least expected. He smiled, "You denied me what I wanted, so you'd bloody well better come up with a plan to get us out of this, because I will not die now. Not now that I am free of you and your sodding vow."

Lucius blinked, all of his anger and rage washed away as Severus smiled. For a moment he simply stared at Severus, his pale eyes a mix of emotions and questions that would never be revealed to the dark-haired man before him. Stiffening his stature, Lucius raised his chin in pride, looking down in nose at Snape. "Very well, Severus. Once again, I will come to your rescue and get us both out of this mess."

"It's about bloody time, you smarmy git. So, what are we going to do?"

"Do not get cheeky, Severus, or I might decide to leave you to rot before the Dark Lord." Lucius warned as he eased himself into a chair near the fire. "We must find a sacrifice above any other we have made, but who could we possible get to?"

"Cheeky? Lucius, I am never cheeky. You are a smarmy git, and you're certainly proud of it." He sneered at Lucius as he took a seat opposite the other man. "I don't like the idea of another sacrifice, Lucius. I told you, I'm not in the habit of killing for pleasure any longer. And I have no intention of handing over Potter or Dumbledore, so get those ideas out of your overly-ambitious head this instant."

"I never asked you to take pleasure in this, Severus, but it boils down to making another kill or groveling at Voldemort's feet. You know as well as anyone that we will both be dead in a heartbeat for the latter."

"I know that. I'm well aware of our rules, Lucius. I was merely reminding you that I don't fancy the idea. What have you in mind?" His sneer returned full force once more.

Lucius let out a long slow breath, staring into the flames as his mind reeled with ideas. He flicked a glance to the waiting man, "I will make the kills, Severus. Do not think I do this out of pity, and do not make the assumption that you owe me in return. It is my fault that we are in this, it is up to me to get us out."

"No." Severus gave his friend a cold, hard stare.

Lucius narrowed his eyes, his temper rising again. "Then what!?"

"I am not about to let you go traipsing around the countryside, killing indiscriminately! I want to know who the bloody hell dies in my name and I fully intend to be there when it happens. I may not enjoy it, but I am not about to let someone else do my dirty work for me, Lucius. I am not going to owe you, and you aren't going to owe me. For once, Malfoy, we are going to work as equals."

Lucius raised his eyebrows, surprised at Snape and nodded fairly. "Very well, yet again I have underestimated you, Severus. So be it, we shall find a Mudblood family whose name precedes them, and bring them before the Dark Lord."

Severus narrowed his eyes to slits and glared at his friend, "You already have someone in mind, do you, Lucius?"

Lucius faltered momentarily, having thought of several names, but ones whose death would only bring pleasure to himself. "No," he muttered after a moment. "But surely we can think of someone together."

Severus closed his eyes. What he had to say next was very difficult. Despite his coldness towards his students, he cared greatly for them, especially those that were in his own house, but he knew that sacrifices had to be made. He vainly wished that those sacrifices didn't have to include children. He released a defeated sigh, "I know who it must be. Pritchard. A student at Hogwarts. A Slytherin. And muggle-born." Severus could not bring himself to use the word so often associated with muggle-borns. Mudblood. It was a word that haunted him in the shadows of his dungeons at night when he could not afford to escape.

Lucius nodded, feeling no emotion about the decision. "Very well, I believe that will be the best choice. Lord Voldemort is sure to be pleased."

Severus flinched at Lucius's tone, his own emotions getting the better of him for a small moment. "Yes, it will please the Dark Lord greatly to purge his own house," Severus could not have hidden the bitterness in his voice if he had wanted to.

Lucius gave Severus a calculated look. "It does no good dwell on that which cannot be changed. Our past has shaped our future, Severus. We have no control over what happens as long as Voldemort reigns, and though you may no longer wish to follow him, you cannot be rid of him." Lucius reached across the distance between them, placing his hand over Severus' left forearm to prove his point.

Severus nodded, knowing that Lucius was right, but he could not mistake the hatred in his own heart. Hatred of himself and all he had done and of what he had become. "You are right, of course. I hate it when that happens. You are quite insufferable when you are correct, Lucius."

Lucius could not stop the smug smirk that pulled at the corners of his mouth and he sat back again, once again turning the topic to the business at hand. "When shall we plan our attack?"

"I suppose the best time is when he will be at home for the summer holidays. The sooner it is finished, the better."

Nodding his agreement, Lucius said nothing and merely fixed his eyes on the Potions master.

Severus looked into the eyes of his oldest friend and shook his head, "We're hopeless, Lucius. Absolutely hopeless." He paused, memories flooding his mind. "And you'd better hope this works." He narrowed his eyes, "Because if it doesn't, I'll never let your soul rest."

Lucius laughed despite himself and stood. "Severus if this fails, I won't let my soul rest."

Severus stood and cocked an eyebrow, "And why is that, Malfoy?"

"Because our plan is foolproof. Voldemort wouldn't have one reason to kill us with this sacrifice."

Severus rolled his eyes, "Lucius, you of all people should know that Lord Voldemort doesn't need a reason to kill. He kills whomever he wishes to, and I don't fancy the idea of dying next to your girlish corpse."

Lucius bit the inside of his cheek, once again looking at Snape with a calculated expression, "Well, it's good to know Dumbledore has given you a sense of humor. I was beginning to think you were a dried up prune."

"My sense of humor is something that Dumbledore would hardly approve of, not that he approves of much when it comes to me. And I'm hardly a prune. I may not be so... proactive and vocal in my conquests as you, Malfoy, but you know bloody well I get what I want when it comes to such things as that."

Lucius raised an eyebrow knowingly, "Clearly."

Severus gave his friend a cold, blank stare.

Lucius grinned evilly at the befuddled man before him. "Oh, come now, Severus. You don't expect me to believe that even you don't delight in the pleasures of the flesh? Even I am not so thick, my friend. You may be a prude, but you are still a man."

"I admit it willingly, Lucius. But I don't believe for a moment what you are insinuating. I do not chase anything in a skirt, unlike certain schoolmates of mine. I have a more refined taste than some."

"Perhaps, Severus, perhaps." Lucius nodded in agreement. "I myself have certain standards, but not as high as yours."

"Perhaps you should raise yours, old friend. They seem to be lowering as each new year comes."

"Yes well, a good woman is becoming harder to find," Lucius' tone was clipped, warning Severus not to prod any further, lest he unleash Malfoy's temper yet again.

Severus smirked to himself at Lucius's tone, knowing full well that the other man was quickly losing patience, but determined to go one step further, "Not so hard as you think. They turn up in the least likely of places. A man must simply know where to look. Perhaps you are not man enough to have found that place yet." He fingered his wand, preparing, in case he had gone too far.

Lucius' steely blue eyes flashed angrily at Severus and he stood toe to toe with the other man, his teeth bared furiously. "We shall see who is man enough, Snape!"

Severus smiled and placed a gentling hand on the other man's arm, "It's all right, Lucius. Relax. I didn't mean that and you bloody well know it. But you do have one option you haven't completely exhausted yet. And she's right under your nose."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Lucius grumbled nonchalantly, refusing to admit Severus was right.

Severus shook his head, knowing full well that Lucius was too bull-headed to acknowledge his last statement. "Someday you'll learn, my friend. But I won't force you. Besides, the day will come when you won't have any other choice. And she'll be waiting."

Lucius refused to reply to the bold comment, and instead brought closure to the evening. "Well, it is late, Severus, and we have much work before us."

Severus covered his smirk and nodded, "Yes, we do, Lucius. Don't you dare think of going out and finishing it without me. I'll kill you myself if you even try it."

Lucius returned the smirk and bade goodbye to his friend, feeling drained from the turn of events in the night.

Severus disappeared into the night, feeling surprisingly uplifted, despite the current state of affairs and coming events. With one last look at his friend in the doorway of Malfoy Manor, he turned and was gone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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